To think I’d forever be competing with her memory.

[Overbeforeitbegan]

I’m in the early stages of a relationship with a wonderful man. We discovered that we had fallen in love in a very romantic way and he says lovely things to me.

But he and his ex-partner we very in love, they’d been together for about 8 months, never lived together and she took her own life for which he has guilt. He has grieved for her for years, she is understandably on a pedestal in his heart. Their love is an unfulfilled romance. They never argued.

AIBU to think that a real relationship with me, ups and downs, inevitable arguments will never compare to what he had with her. In his mind, she’ll always be the one and will I always be a close 2nd.

Could you live like that?

Thanks for sharing Itsnotworthit

He seems to be milking the drama and wallowing in it like a pig in muck! I’m all for people grieving and being in touch with their feelings but he appears to have hyped it to the point, it is now part of his biography to make his life appear more dramatic, with him as the tortured soul. Don’t tiptoe around him and allow him to emotionally blackmail you with this perfect dead partner and her huge emotional memorial. I’m not a very jealous person by nature but I would be furious that he brings up this woman constantly and in the context of talking about falling in love etc. It’s inappropriate and he needs to get a grip and learn some basic respect for a new partner. I’d have a very frank talk with him. He sounds as though as the type of man who gets off on women around him throwing him a pity party and humouring him all the time.

Have you been bereaved Waikiki? As in tragically bereaved ( tho all bereavements are tragic of course...)

I'm not being aggressive. I have not been tragically bereaved, or even bereaved, but have close relatives who look to be stuck in grief.

But what do I know! I have not been bereaved, not really