to think that snoring can end a relationship?

[NarniaSha]

DP snoring driving me insane. Can't wear ear plugs as I worry I won't hear my alarm. He sounds like a fog horn all night. When he's not snoring his breathing is just as bad. I'm 19 weeks pregnant and exhausted all because I can't sleep. In another 20 weeks baby will be keeping me up and I also worry that having a snoring DP will tip me over the edge. His GP hasn't been able to help him. We also don't have a spare room for him to sleep in.

What do I do? I feel like it could genuinely ruin our relationship. I wake up each morning with a small amount of hatred for him all because of this...

I completely understand. My DH does well with a 'snoremender' but if he doesn't wear it the. The snoring is awful. It makes me want to hurt him. He's overweight and I seize upon some very dark thoughts if I've been woken up by him multiple times.

He's got a cold at the moment so I've been clear that he can have sex then clear off to the spare room. Tbh both of us get more sleep that way.

It's taken us ten years to get to this equilibrium though. I feel your pain!

He needs to go back to the GP and ask for a sleep test. OH"s snoring got worse and worse, and he developed sleep apnoea. He now has a CPAP machine, and I now have good quality sleep again.

Wear ear plugs and get one of those watches that doubles as a vibrating alarm clock.

Snoring is a nightmare but I think it only causes issues when the snorer won't try and solve the problem and the sufferer insists on just lying next to them getting angry. There are solutions out there - DP snores and has a ring he can wear on his little finger which seems to help a bit.

Ear plugs and make him sleep on the sofa once a week at weekend so you can have a blissful night of sleep.
My dh snores, when dd is at uni he sleeps in her room alot so I can get some sleep. I feel your pain, it can have a huge impact on a relationship.

Did the GP refer him to a sleep clinic? Snoring is often associated with apnoea or other health issues.

I've read that dentists can often make mouth guards that stop snoring as well.

@WhoWants2Know no he was told to use a spray that doesn't work, they suggested having a look with a camera, and was told if it didn't work he would have to go private because there's not much else they can do...

Has he tried any home remedies? Nose strips, ring on a finger, not sleeping on his back, no alcohol before bed - basic things like that?

Has the snoring and breathing only started to annoy you since you've been pregnant? If so, this happened to me. I have to wear ear plugs. I've never missed my alarm or my child waking up because of them.

My child is now 2 and I still can't stand the noise of my husband breathing.

I absolutely know the feeling of getting up with a small amount of hatred - sleep deprivation is bad enough, but when it's being caused by someone next to you who is happily oblivious it's bloody hard to feel reasonable. In my case we had a spare room - I was hysterical with tiredness by the time I decided we just had to sleep separately.

But my DH has had a shitload of assessments etc - including a night in a sleep clinic. I agree he should go back (different GP) and have a final stab at seeing what could work.

@adaline we've tried it all. He snores in every position possible!

@EnglishRose13 it's annoyed me for as long as I can remember him doing it.

Do you mind me asking which ear plugs you use?

This caused real issues in our relationship; dh's view was that as he wasn't doing it on purpose I had to put up with it (whilst simultaneously getting very hurt about me leaving to sleep elsewhere). I ended up videoing him a couple of times. He got very upset and angry and said I was deliberately humiliating him and it wasn't funny. I pointed out I hadn't shared the videos anywhere and what I was actually trying to do was get him to understand and take it seriously, and try and actually do something about it.

Since then things have improved a lot. He bought a range of remedies. Couldn't use the jaw positioners, they made him gag. Similarly the throat spray. Nose strips weren't effective but a sling that holds his jaw in place works reasonably well, as does being propped up on pillows. On the few really bad nights I leave without him sulking about it. I was worried about how we would go on at one point.

I can't use earplugs as they exacerbate my sinus issues, but I wouldn't wear them as I need to be able to hear the kids at night anyway.

I use flare audio ear plugs. They have saved my marriage!

Ask for him to be sent to a sleep clinic. My partners snoring is horrendous and he went to the GP, managed to get an appointment with a clinic where he stayed over night looking like a test subject within around a month?

I feel your pain! It took months to convince him it was as bad as I said, all while very much pregnant! Seemed to get worse out of the blue. And yes, the "I could just smother you right now and sleep peacefully!" Thoughts creep in a lot.

If you partner isn't aware on how bad it is, do some sound recording on WhatsApp and send it to him. That's what I did just to bring my point home. And like PP have said, a few nights on the sofa for him sonyou both get some rest. Especially with being pregnant you need your sleep!

We are still waiting on the test results to come back, so I can't tell you exactly what happens next. But there is certainly.more they can offer than just a spray.

I feel your pain on the panicking prospect of pregnancy and snoring partner.

Isneak vic up my partners nose like it is a military operation in the hopes it would clear him up enough so I could fall asleep!

Good luck, make sure he really pushes the GP to do something. It will cause a great strain on you both otherwise, especially with the added aspect of being pregnant.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope the GP can do more for you both x

Important to first rule our apnoea.

I've been through all this (totally get the dark thoughts!) I ordered a mandibular advancement device. It's a mouth guard which the wearer firsts moulds. It has literally saved our marriage! A complete miracle for us. He does still snore mildly if he has a cold, but other than that blissful. It was getting to the point where I could even hear him if he was on the sofa downstairs.

@NarniaSha that's so frustrating! DP is similar - he falls asleep within 30 seconds and no matter what the position, he starts snoring! It drives me mad.

I use earplugs and he does wear a ring on his finger which seems to help a little, though it hasn't stopped it altogether. I do have permission to poke/shove/kick him in the night to get him to roll onto his side though. That seems to stop it for long enough for me to get back to sleep!

I just want to sleep again. I wake up feeling angry, tired, broken, sick etc. I feel unwell because of it.

Look up he benefits of low carb diets and snoring, it’s like the magic diet, really works.

Some good advice. Also try a white noise machine. (You’ll hear the alarm through it).

I agree that they need to attempt to do something about it. Beware though, that the tables can turn. I developed awful snoring well into my relationship with DH, after years of suffering with his. I had septoplasty, which worked for a few years. Then I developed massive allergies which meant I used to choke in my sleep. On my third treatment. For this, but getting there.

Funnily enough, I no longer notice DH's snoring, but he is fed up of mine!

My dh has recently done a sleep study although he got the equipment and had to wire himself up to do it at home. It was done through a referral from the gp

Separate rooms all the way!
Its not just the snoring but the kicking,wriggling ,farting and incompatible bed times/waking.
I got to such a point of desperation that I gave him the ultimatum of separate rooms or divorce.
My MH was in shreds due to lack of sleep -2hrs a night mostly.
I was terrified I would crash the car or leave something on the hob and burn the house down.
He would rather sleep in with me but its not happening and our marriage is happy again.
Aaah my lovely girlie bedroom,clean and DH free is bliss!

Does he know what it sounds like? There's a snore app you can get for your phone that records noise in the night and counts time spent snoring. It has a free mode.

I forget what it's called but I expect it'd come up in a search.

Strangely enough, I snore too but DP can sleep through anything so it doesn't seem to bother him. I've always been a light sleeper though.

If you haven't got a spare room, can't he sleep on an air bed in the living room?