Money, boyfriend , need advice.

[Cheerymom]

I have been with BD four years, two of those on long distance so I moved back to Ireland to be with him.
He has two DSs who are great, no problems there.

I recently sold my London flat ( teacher so via HS and many many years of paying for it via my teaching job) Enough equity to have a low mortgage in Ireland and have secured a good teaching job here.

This equity means the world to me, never had any help financially from home. DP recently bough a house online, think ebay with bigger stakes. He was short 40 grand and asked, then begged then coerced into giving him the money, which I did on he lack of any legal paper work as he promised it would be paid back within two weeks from his families estate.

No sign of money. I got mortgage approval ( not easy for returned immigrants to Ireland} on the basis of the original equity from London and having secure job here. And that mortage will run out in two months.What do I do?

DP now has a house for him and DSS.

My mortgage agreement run out in two months.

Have I been a fool. And also as a gift gave him 10 grand unrealated to 40 grand loan, his famiies estate is there, apparently.
But housing prices in ireland on an up trajectory.
need advice.

Majorie, I didi not give any my future, I have plenty of security of my own, I am no fool, are you telling me no one in a family ever gave a short term loan to a dp or family member, very judgemental of you.

He was waiting for his family estate to come in which it just has and had no money of his own as his cheating ex wife fleeced him, and don;t say how do you know this, out families go back 25 years, in rural Ireland everyone knows every one.

What the fuck is wrong with these women.
I am sitting here reading some of this shit and it is blowing my mind.
It does not matter how much you love someone. God bless the child that have his own.
You had your own and gave it away before securing your own future. He took complete advantage of your good nature.
Get legal advice and I hope to the universe that you do not do something as dumb as this again

This is utterly incorrect on every level and highly patronising and insulting. I still have my own. And I am not dumb, try to be a bit sensitive.

OP You have said you were in a 4 year relationship with this man before selling your obviously valuable London property, upping sticks completely and moving to Ireland to start a new life with this man.

No I sold my flat three years after being back in Ireland while I stayed with him rent free, I also have friends and family in Ireland and was testing it out.

All you have done is give up everything in London for a chancer who was offering nothing.

I wanted to leave the rat race of London, he offered me a home, and support .

He wasn't even planning to cohabit with you.

He wanted to cohabit I said NO as I always have had and always will have my own home, I was waiting to sell the flat.

He didn't even have enough money to buy his own house.

He was due his families estate money after his mother dies and he works full time, was fleeced by ex.

He isn't even honest.

He misevaluated the time it would take for his mothers money to come through

He is an opportunist who was just waiting for the right time to pounce. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You arnt the first and you won't be the last

Don;t project your feelings about men on to this post.

I made a mistake about to be redeemed.

i would email/text him stating the amount he borrowed and giving him a deadline for paying it back-save the replies.

then at least you have proof of him admitting it was a loan which will hopefully help you when you down the legal route

You seem to have justified all his actions so what sort of response are you seeking here? You now say his family are going to repay you so it all looks as if it is going to end well for you. That is all anybody here would want for you. Your original post didn't sound so confident.

OP, people here (including me) gave you advice in good faith. Asking what’s wrong with them and complaining they are projecting about men is ridiculous.

OP Don't listen to the criticism of what you have written. I agree completely that the things you quote, from one post in particular, were incredibly insulting, misplaced and unnecessary.

Then there is always someone who wants to chase you away by saying why are you not taking advice, what do you want from "us", why are you even here anyway. Bullying in my view, you are welcome to discuss anything concerning you here.

Perhaps the problem that a small number of respondents have is the fact that you had 40k to give to someone as a loan and 10k as a gift. That is your business and your finances, no one nows the story of another person's life so should have respect. However it is possible that there's a misplaced envy in the unpleasant responses. I have a strong disdain for those who shout at and dismiss others who are in distress. No class. Why they do it, who knows. Who cares really! Lots of good advice from people who are kind and care about you regardless.

(If you want to read something that will restore your faith in people here, plus have you falling over laughing, find the recent thread BUNFIGHT. It's hilarious and very apt!)

Happy to hear you had a good response from his sisters, they sound like good people and I hope all goes well for you xxx

The response from the sisters came after my first post.

I will get everything in writing from now on though.
I appriciate all advice except that assumptions that I'm some idiot giving my life's work to an unknown badass man. The 10 I offered as I stayed with him rent free for two years, I OFFERED it wen the flat sale came through.

It has been an eye opener though that even even very trusting decade long situations best to go through legal means. Thank you all and Lu mare thank you especially. off now to look at new houses!