Abusive boyfriend?

[Whyarealltheusernamestaken]

She told me what he did and I banned him from my home, she now blames me for interfering with her relationship?

I would contact DD, and arrange to meet up for a chat in a neutral place like a cafe

Your natural reaction is going to want to be to get her as far from him as possible (that would be my reaction too)...but you are going to have to play this very very cool, abusers have a way of isolating the abused partner from family and friends...you do not want that to happen to your daughter

Instead meet up with her and in a calm way tell that you are her mother and your natural reaction is to protect her and when you saw those messages you didn't want her to be hurt, but you understand that she is an adult and that she is entitled to live her life anyway she chooses, and that you respect that, and that you don't want there to be a rift between you, you want to be a part of her life again...and then finish by saying you want her to know that she can come to you about anything and you will always be there for her and never judge her...

The reason why you need to do this is because you need to stay in her life, because if he is abusive, she will need you when she chooses to leave him...

I could have written virtually this exact post 3 years ago with my own daughter, I adopted the stance of 'keep your friends close, and your enemies closer'! It was clear to me her bf wanted to isolate her, his mum let them virtually live there (therefore she could keep an eye on her when he was out!) however, if I'd totally banned him I'd have lost touch with her and been unable to support her. I'd make it clear you don't approve of his behaviour but try to keep good communication with her - it's really hard