To think he can cook himself if doesn't like it

[LovelyBath77]

Just made a lovely curry for the in laws - butternut squash and coconut milk, one of their favourites. My husband is being rude about my cooking - 'curry again' and refused to eat any. I'm getting fed up with this. He doesn't seem to like anything I make, but when I ask what he would like won't give me any ideas. It's starting to annoy me now. AIBU in thinking he needs to cook for himself if he isn't happy with anything I make.

He used to get all these drinks on prescription, maybe he can get them again, total elemental drinks or something. If he can't eat. perhaps

Your DH has Crohn's Disease and needs to follow a careful diet. High fibre vegetables and gas producing vegetables are often best avoided. Butternut squash and onions may not settle with him, add in the fatty coconut milk and sadly the veggie curry might cause him problems. I'm not excusing his rudeness or his sulking. He needs to tell you what foods do seem to suit his condition.

Yes, that is true. and my low carb / high fat may not suit him. I guess I need to find out if he is just rude, or being rude to not adress his illness. It is quite severe, as he is on strong drugs like Humira and methotrexate.

But not dealing with it and being rude with me doesn't help.

' Just feeling guilty.'

He doesn't feel at all guilty about being rude and sulky. There's no need to find out if he's 'just rude' or not addressing an illness, he's an adult and needs to be the one who goes to the doctor about his health, you cannot force him to do that and there's zero excuse for being rude.

YANBU. Sounds like his sense of entitlement is the real issue, not your cooking. Stop wasting your energy on him unless he starts showing some appreciation for your efforts.

I should imagine it is very hard for men to talk about eating issues LovelyBath hardly anyone knows within my family and friends about the anorexia,because even all these years later it is something that drags up feelings of guilt on my part.

I don't know how much support your DH had outside of his family and friends but there are some really good support networks on FB for people with Chron's and Colitis.

I have crohns and a curry is one of the worst things I could possibly eat. I could possibly manage a bit say 1/4 of a portion if I was very very well, if your husband is on elemental drinks he's not very well. This is way beyond 'fussiness' or 'ungratefulness' this food could well cause him pain and increase his symptoms. However he needs to communicate this to you! He needs to meal plan with you and come up with food that doesn't exacerbate his symptoms.
Bread, cheese and sugary stuff and probably from a 'low residue' diet and won't cause more bowel problems - I'm a bit at how can you not know this being married to someone with crohns!

If he's particularly fussy why doesn't he cook?

You know that squash and rice are both very carby?

In the nicest possible way, you sound like his parent rather than his partner. Why are you researching illnesses to find out what is in his mind? Is he non-verbal or something? Why do you want to make his sulking better? Is he a toddler? If he's rude, he's rude. If there's a reason why he can't eat the food, he'll tell you. Why do you mother him?

That's so rude. If he wanted something plainer he should have said so earlier . Surely ibd and Crohns can be aggravated by gluten so bread etc would not be an ideal alternative.

And he will have drawn more attention to himself by making a fuss.

He acts like a toddler, sulks and doesn't seem to respect you much either. A mature adult would either make their own food, give you some idea as to what they would eat or explain what their eating issues were.
Suggest you accept that he has a problem and try to extricate yourself from these meal miseries. It is not your fault nor is it your responsibility.