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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you prioritise as a family

52 replies

Howhardcanitbereally · 09/06/2018 17:16

Just that really. Once you have a family what do you prioritise?

Bigger suitable living accommodation
Decent garden
Affluent area with good schools
House or location?

Just interested really? We are in a tricky home / location situation and I wondered what others prioritised. I think I would prioritise decent, spacious and functional living (home) with garden for the kids above perfect location. Interested to hear other viewpoints. Thanks!

OP posts:
BangingOn · 09/06/2018 18:26

In your situation I’d go for the bigger house as the location doesn’t sound bad, just different.

We live in a rural area to the north of a county- the area is lovely and quiet, open countryside all around, but the villages are less posh and leafy than the south of the county and the secondary schools not as good. Our house is so much cheaper that we can afford private education for DS without compromising on our home.

CuppaSarah · 09/06/2018 18:32

Location and education. We pay more to life in a good area with a fantastic family and community feel with great transport links. Lots of big, beautiful outdoor spaces too. All the schools are very good and further education is some of the best in the country.

But DD is very sensitive and struggles at school a bit, DS needs a lot of outdoors time and DH needs to commute to olthe nearest city. So this area ticks all our boxes right now.

RiddleyW · 09/06/2018 18:37

We’ve just had this dilemma. We’re selling our house which is both small and in a shit location for schools. Adding 500k to our mortgage and moving.

We weighed up things a lot and have gone for great location in terms of schools and my commute and a reasonably small house. Garden is pretty tiny.

It’s partly as a result of my experience as a child of living in an enormous beautiful house with giant garden in an absolutely shithole of a town. School was a nightmare, I was bullied for being posh which I really wasn’t.

Echobelly · 09/06/2018 18:37

We were already in primary schools when we moved for the first time with kids. Big space was important for us... gardens would have been nice but anything with a garden the size that we grew up with was nearly £1m or more in this area, and we actually ended up with a slightly smaller garden than we had before.

Thinking about secondaries for DD I'm slightly cursing that we didn't think more about secondaries when moving, as we're in a kind of catchment deadzone, though not that far from several good ones and hopefully at worst we'll get into one on appeal. But when I thought about it again I realised that one of the schools we couldn't afford to live in catchment, and the others have rather grotty immediate areas that we wouldn't want to buy in and nothing really came up for sale near any of them the whole time we were looking anyway.

My mum said go for as much space as you can afford, which we did, and I'm very glad we did, despite other limitations.

user1499173618 · 09/06/2018 18:40

Living close to a good school and interesting extra curricular activities. A really beautiful home.

crayoladreamz · 09/06/2018 18:41

Education.

Education is prized, valued and on a pedestal in our home.

With a great education the world is your oyster. We’ve made a lot of sacrifices to find a school that we love, our children adore and flourish in, and is the perfect mix of academic with nurture and forest school type activities.

JennieLee · 09/06/2018 18:46

We bought a location that was a reasonably short distance from where my partner's ex lived. (She was the parent who had the children more often, though they spent a good deal of time with us.) It made family life a great deal easier that they could see friends/keep up all the school/social things - forgotten items could easily be collected etc.

Having a house that was big enough for them to have their own bedrooms was also a priority. So the house was scruffy and a bit rundown when we bought it.

Oysterbabe · 09/06/2018 18:58

Location for us. We're in a nice area with the good schools and are working to improve the house. We've just converted the loft for more space.

Racecardriver · 09/06/2018 19:16

Larger square footage is our pro ary concern and doable drive (under 30 mons) to dc school and less than 1 hour 30 mins trip to London including walk/drive to station.

Racecardriver · 09/06/2018 19:17

If we were dependant on the state for education though we would prioritise good schools.

antimatter · 09/06/2018 19:23

it was always Education, primary, secondary and now Uni
seems to work for all of us

HelloFreedom · 09/06/2018 19:31

Location mainly. Village, good schools, very low crime rate, family close by.

Although we had to buy a crappy 'project house' with enough space to improve and make our own. So a big enough house in a good area but compromising on the house itself.

Could have had a lovely house in a less nice area. But it didn't seem as good an investment. Although living in an on going building site makes me question that supposed wisdom!

BitchQueen90 · 09/06/2018 19:42

Location. But as I currently rent the living space is less important to me as it's not my own home.

Pebbles16 · 09/06/2018 19:56

Adventure and learning.

whiteroseredrose · 09/06/2018 22:33

Location. Smaller house in a middle class area with Grammars but also great high schools too. Education was and is very important.

Even pre DC I'd rather have a shoebox in a nice area than a mansion in a grotty area.

Original poster
Howhardcanitbereally · 10/06/2018 13:59

Thank you very much! Education seems to be the priority in a lot of cases. Lots of food for thought! I suppose if you move to a cheaper to area you could always use the smaller mortgage and go for private education, in some situations. Thanks again everyone .

OP posts:
SoyDora · 10/06/2018 14:02

We managed to find all of those things, but we don’t live in the south!

inabeautifulplace · 10/06/2018 14:04

Cake.

Sure, there's some other things on the list too. But mostly cake.

NatalieRushman · 10/06/2018 15:07

I would choose house over location, but education over all else. My parents moved from the nicest area in the city (with good schools) to a less desirable one (with terrible schools), and sent my sister and I to private schools instead to suit our needs. I fully appreciate what they did, and think they made the right choice, which is why I'll be making the same choice in the future if I need to.

madeyemoodysmum · 10/06/2018 15:08

Location

BakewellTarts · 10/06/2018 15:30

Catchment area for the school we wanted was top of the list for the last move. Everything else was secondary.

Then big enough house.

user1471426142 · 10/06/2018 15:46

For us we wanted a location with good schools where we could have a big garden. The cost to that is a long commute and high house prices. It is an idyllic place for children to grow up but there is a toll re the commute and pressure to pay the mortgage. I don’t think there is ever a right or wrong answer. You just have to take a best guess about your circumstances at the time.

Murane · 10/06/2018 16:45

A nice house is pointless if you have scummy troublemaking noisy neighbours. A nice garden is unusable if your neighbours are awful. Imo it's better to prioritise living in a decent area surrounded by decent people.

JennieLee · 10/06/2018 17:30

Imo it's better to prioritise living in a decent area surrounded by decent people.

Moneyed, middle-class people do not necessarily turn out to be good neighbours.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 10/06/2018 18:07

Good schools and a decent area. The impact other children have on children is huge so we wanted the best start for them. Better a smaller home in a nice area than a larger home in a not nice area.

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