To stop ds going to this boys birthday parties?

[clutterclux]

We're friends with a couple who live nearby and our ds' (6) are at school together. Their ds has a party each year with a bouncy castle with all the kids in their class and the parents fill a 6ft table entirely with sweets, it honestly needs to be seen to be believed. The kids take what they want when and play on the bouncy castle and have races, winning yet more sweets then sit down to eat cake and sweets that they serve themselves. Cartons are also provided under the table. A 6 year olds dream.

Ds went yesterday and I had a medical appointment so nipped out for the last hour (was going to take him early but he pleaded to stay and the parents said to leave him and they'd keep an eye on him) but warning him not to eat any more sweets until I got back.

He got out and vomited in the car and had diarrhoea all night. He says he ate too many sweets when I'd left. I'm raging at myself for not taking him early after managing to distract him mostly from the table. Don't get me wrong, ds does get sweets occasionally, but not an 'all you can eat' buffet of them.

Dh was furious that left him to eat until he threw up but a mutual friend thinks I'm being ridiculous (their dd wasn't invited though so she hasn't seen their 'buffet'.) Aibu to just say no next year, three other parents posted on fb to say their kids were ill last night too so it's not just ds. I told the parents the last two years it looked excessive and expressed concern that I didn't want ds to get sick from eating too much sugar before I left, they just shrug.

Please just tell me straight, wwyd?

Most of the birthday parties DC goes to has enough cakes and sweets to make kids sick, some DC's are good at stopping when they've had enough others need policing. These people do seem to be particularly bad at encouraging over eating but I would let him go personally by the time the next birthday comes around he'll be 7 and might have more self control.

I'd wonder if it was a tummy bug rather than the sweets. If they're helping themselves from a sweet buffet, all it takes is for one kid carrying the bug to shove their hand in one jar of sweets and they'd all be contaminated.

As for whether you go again, its entirely up to you. If you want to stay and supervise DS's sweet eating do, but equally if you don't want to go I doubt anyone would think any different of you.

It's a bit unrealistic to take a 6 year old boy to a party and limit his sweet intake.
It is only a one off I assume he only has one birthday a year.
Without being rude to you. You sound a bit judgey. it's a kids party what are you expecting plates full broccoli cauliflower and sunflower seeds.

If four different kids are throwing up there's no way it's the sweets. Must be a bug going round/food poisoning from something else.

I won't blame you if you let your kid think it's too much sweets and use this as a lesson though ;) (remember that time you are too many!)

YABU. I don’t think it’s down to other parents to police what your child eats at a party, couldn’t your husband have taken your DS? It does sound excessive but its a party, once a year, it’s not like they lay it out every night.

I'd see it as an opportunity to teach your DS not to be greedy - remind him of the possible consequences! But it's a bit of an overreaction not to let him go to future parties imo.

How do you know they’ll even be having a party next year? You sound like you’ve started a thread to moan and then tried to think of a question to make it sound like you’re not just having a moan!

Also I agree with PPs that if 4 other kids were also sick it's almost certainly a bug not overeating

Well, you've got a year to decide... They might do a different type party next year.

I wouldn't be happy if my child was given so many sweets at a party (given your description it was over the top) that they were sick and had diarrhoea afterwards.
Next year neqrer the time I might agree on condition I stayed at party "for a coffee as my DC overdid it last year & was ill from too many sweets" to & limit my DC's consumption during party.

Some of the sugar ‘free’ ones have something in them that can corse sickness and diarrhoea.

I’m all got having sweets and cakes at a party but there should be some proper food as well.

I'd leave them to it.

Kids learn to self regulate by eating too much sweet stuff and feeling or being sick.

I'm pretty sure most of us did this at least once as a kid.

Just tell your kid to learn his lesson and not to eat so much next time! You can't learn without getting it wrong at least once or twice. Seems like you're turning it into a bigger drama than it is?

Appreciate the honest replies, I am having a moan. I'm annoyed at myself more than anything though. Another parent on our whatsapp group said their kids came out hot and feeling sick after I commented about the vomiting incident and said I couldn't trust ds to limit his sweet intake, party parent commented
'😂😂 bouncy castles & sweets 🤢 2 + counting!'

I do find it hard to give ds the freedom to make mistakes at times and I've been working on that so it's an honest question as I can't trust myself to make a fair judgement sometimes.

On the plus side OP, he'll be a year older by the next birthday party so possibly a year wiser.

(but don't count on it)

Worra quite possibly not

Seconding the bug theory - someone took a kid who's been ill, they shoved their hand in a sweet bowl and very kindly shared it.

Happened at my fucking wedding

@clutterclux
It's ok to have a moan!! ... . That's what MN and AIBU is for! You sound off as much as you want!!

I agree with you. And would supervise my DC at their DC's parties next time- cos you now know their style of party now is very relaxed and goodie laden. Sounds lovely but ... A tad lending itseld to over indulgence.

My youngest DD is now10. I still have the odd parent who comes along to birthday parties, 'to be sociable' but really they and I both know they want to supervise their DC. And that's fair enough X (Tbf each are 'only' DC and are lovely... and I don't overdo sweets.. ...There have been occasional DC parents that I wish would stay for their little tinkers!)... I'm just trying to say that parents who do parties accommodate when a parent wants to stay and that's fine!! Especially at age your DS is!

But also talk to DS that he ate too many sweets and made himself sick! Nothing like a good example to help DCs understand an important lesson !

I wouldn't be happy at all and every child's party I've been to has had proper food aswell as some cakes and sweets but not a stupid amount. I really don't get why the parents would do that it sounds like s recipe for disaster to me.

@FrangipaniBlue
That's terrible Frangipan. So inconsiderate of those wedding guests!

Agree it’s probably a bug but hopefully it will have taught your DS to have a bit more self restraint in that sort of situation next time 😁
YANBU to have a moan by the way. My DS, then aged 2, was invited to a neighbours birthday party (their DS was turning 3). The party bags were paper bags (the half A4 size ones) absolutely stuffed with sweets. So stuffed they were pretty heavy and you couldn’t quite get the handles together. I absolutely did a little judge in my head!

Agree with others, it probably was a bug.
I don’t limit sweets at parties and kids self regulate pretty well.

So what you’re saying is, you left a child at an event where you knew they could eat all the sweets they wanted to, they did so, and it’s everyone’s fault but his or yours?

Grow up.

I think I’d chalk this one up to “lesson learned” for you and your DS tbh. Bairns get over excited at parties and tend to eat too much, couple that with a bouncy castle and I’m not surprised the wee soul threw up.

But I wouldn’t be pissed off, it’s just one of those things.

Incidentally, I tend to find that the bairns who really go for it at parties where there’s lots of sweets/cakes/treats are the ones whose diets are pretty controlled generally. My wee nephew was never allowed anything and at a party he was the one who inhaled the buffet!

If he’s invited, go next year, and make sure it doesn’t clash with an appointment. Stay, and supervise his sweet intake. Don’t punish him because you didn’t supervise him.

I’ve got one kid who would easily regulate her intake and one who wouldn’t. I could leave one but not the other, so I wouldn’t.

@Whereismumhiding2 yep! We were only lucky not to be having an immediate honeymoon because 48hrs after the big event I couldn't have gotten on a plane