Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them to leave their nearly 4yo brother at home next time

28 replies

Threeyearoldsarethebest · 09/06/2018 13:54

Local kids trailed to our house with our kids from the local playground to continue playing. No problem there and their parents have been texted, so their location is known.

I am happy to host older kids (6yo plus). But I don't want to be running around after a very young one on my lazy Saturday when I haven't been asked first.

He threw a massive tantrum when his sibling tried to take him home and therefore I am ignoring it and when he calms down take him home myself.

Surely this type of behaviour is why they shouldn't be out without an adult themselves.

My youngest is 5yo and she is always with an adult. Once she is 6yo she will be going to the park without me but with her siblings (oldest 13yo) but not atm.

AIBU to tell the siblings of the 3yo (nearly 4yo) who turned up that he should be home with his parents and next time to take him home before they come here.

I have already done it but my oldest thinks I am unreasonable. I fancied getting more opinions.

Ps. Mother works Saturdays, so dad is having a lazy Saturday with me watching all his kids. I might be feeling a little irked by that too. I can't see a mother sending a 3yo (nearly 4yo) out of their own

OP posts:
TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 09/06/2018 13:55

You are definitely not BU

CoughLaughFart · 09/06/2018 13:58

The parents probably won’t thank you for saying it, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. You’re not their babysitter. And yes, no way should a six year-old be ‘looking after’ a four year-old.

kaytee87 · 09/06/2018 14:00

My nephew is 3.5yo and I can't imagine him being allowed to go out without an adult. It's neglectful and the parents need to be told.

KC225 · 09/06/2018 14:00

YANBU. Who leaves a six year old in charge of 3 nearly 4 year old? Its a massive assumption - send him back, bloody CF parents.

Merryoldgoat · 09/06/2018 14:01

Absolutely not being unreasonable.

A 3yo out without an adult? Bloody hell.

Original poster
Threeyearoldsarethebest · 09/06/2018 14:01

Now more screams because he wants to play in our sand pit but older sibling said he isn't allowed to :(

Right, we are setting off home now. This will be interesting !

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 09/06/2018 14:02

I actually wouldn't drive someone else's small child home. I'd have phoned the parents and if I couldn't get them I'd have called the police.

Takfujuimoto · 09/06/2018 14:02

Yanbu, I would take the child back to their house myself and tell the father/parent present that you are not ok with having anyone under 6yrs old to corner round to play.
I wouldn't even wait for a response either, just walk away after letting them know so there's no confusion.

Cf.

Original poster
Threeyearoldsarethebest · 09/06/2018 14:03

The older sibling is 8yo, which is too young to watch a 3 nearly 4 yo in my book but ymmv.

OP posts:
BottleOfJameson · 09/06/2018 14:03

At that age I would always accompany my DC on playdates (unless someone had actually offered to babysit him as a favour). A 3 year old at the playground without an adult and then at someone's house where he hasn't been specifically invited is definitely not normal.

endofthelinefinally · 09/06/2018 14:05

I would inform his mother that you cannot be responsible for her 3 year old. She probably has no idea her husband is being a lazy, neglectful parent.
I had a neighbour like this. I sent the 3 year old back with her older sibling every single time. His wife worked full time and he just left his kids outside.
He sent the 11 year old to take the 3 year old to nursery on the tube on his way to school.

Original poster
Threeyearoldsarethebest · 09/06/2018 14:07

We are in a tiny village. We will be walking home.

Parents are nice. I have told the older sibling next time drop brother at home first.

I will be telling parents, that kids I don't allow unded 6 yo play here without an parent, outside an offical play date.

OP posts:
Original poster
Threeyearoldsarethebest · 09/06/2018 14:08

I will be telling parents, that I don't allow under 6 yo kids to play here without an parent, outside an offical play date.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 09/06/2018 14:12

He is much too young to be out and it’s totally unreasonable to expect the sibling to look after them whilst playing out.
They are also too young to play with the other older children due to the age gap/maturity of the other children.
First I would be asking the older child if they knew their home phone /parents mobile and ringing that abs saying
Hi lazy dad - your youngest is here with older sibs. I think he’s too young to be here with my older children and I’m not able to (I don’t want to ) supervise or sort out the squabbles. He’s getting up set. Please come and get him immediately.
If child didn’t know number then I would take him home and tell dad exactly the same thing.

Lizzie48 · 09/06/2018 14:13

This is neglect on the part of the parents, pure and simple. I remember that at the age of 5 I had to look out for my 3 year old sister when we weren't properly supervised. I had to tell her that it wasn't a good idea to walk over a frozen pond to get a ball that was in the middle of the pond, I don't even know how it was that I knew that.

It's far too much responsibility for a young child. My DDs (now 9 and 6) have never gone anywhere without adult supervision, and I would never expect DD1 to be responsible for DD2, that's DH and my responsibility basically. Hmm

upsideup · 09/06/2018 14:14

YANBU to say you dont want to have them.
But YABU that he should be home with his parents all together, thats not your call and rude.
My 3 year old dd (nearly 4) will go to the local park with 8 year old ds and or 11 year old dd, they never have to take her if they dont want to but they normally choose to invite her, all always been fine and they have all benefited from the independance.

Berthatydfil · 09/06/2018 14:14

Ah just read your update.
Yes good rule not to allow younger children than your own unless invited.

Original poster
Threeyearoldsarethebest · 09/06/2018 14:18

"YABU that he should be home with his parents all together, thats not your call and rude"
I told his older sibling that before they come here to play, that the younger brother should be dropped home with parents. That is not rude, it is my rules for my house.
If the parents let him out again, that is their right to do so.

OP posts:
TheActualRealCinderella · 09/06/2018 14:19

It’s neglectful to both the younger and older child to allow a 3 year old out without adult supervision. Someone under 15/16 is not equipped to handle an emergency while looking after a preschooler.

Original poster
Threeyearoldsarethebest · 09/06/2018 14:19

Anyway off now.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 09/06/2018 14:21

Good luck. Grin. Father is a cheeky fucker and yes, I agree Cinderella. It is neglectful.

rainingcatsanddog · 09/06/2018 14:25

Yanbu. 6 is an age where you can leave them to it and just offer a drink at regular intervals.
Age 3- wtf? Angry

marjorie25 · 09/06/2018 14:49

I would speak to the mother and let her know that you do not mind the oldest coming over to play with your children, but her husband need to take responsibility for the youngest.
You enjoy your Saturday as much as he does and this is not a free babysitting service.
If she takes offense, tell the kids that no one can come over.
The husband have a nerve - talk about taking liberties.

Elllicam · 09/06/2018 14:51

The Dad is a CF

blacklister · 09/06/2018 15:03

What a cheek! YANBU. What did they say?

Swipe left for the next trending thread