To want DC3?

[schoolworrier]

I have two lovely DC - DS & DD. When I was younger I wasn't even sure I wanted kids, but after having my first that changed. I knew I wanted at least two.. and now I'm thinking three. My youngest DC is about to turn 1 and I'm about to turn 40 so I'm thinking now or never.

Financially it would be a stretch. My DH & I make good money combined (both work FT) but we live in central London so usually very little left at the end of each month with mortgage and nursery fees. Oldest starts YR this year so that would help now although would be harder to pay for three sets of uni fees, driving lessons, hols etc.

Also I don't want the attention given to DC stretched thin and it would be with three and FT work.

However I can't get the idea of DC3 out of my head! Please help convince me I should stop at two DC.

Also we live in a 2BD so would need to move!

If I were you, I would appreciate what I have and focus on giving your family the best life possible. You're very lucky to have 2 healthy children, a loving husband, and a good job. Why make life potentially so much more complicated? What if the third child has serious special needs? Imagine how that would impact your other children and your life. I say be satisfied with what you already have, because it's a hell of a lot.

I agree with Aquamarine

I would personally stick with two as I think it's stretches your time and money out less far. That said it's just impossible to advise as it's so personal.

@Aquamarine1029 thank you. This is exactly the kind of talk I need! I need to stop thinking I'll regret it if I don't do it and realise that while I'll love DC3 I might regret opportunities forgone from being a family of five instead of four.

There are many positives and negatives around having three children, but the issue of university fees isn't a reason to not have a third.

You're likely to have to move anyway as they will need their own rooms at some point so the house point is moot.

I wouldn't though, if it will be a stretch financially then a job loss or divorce would mean life would be a real struggle. The existing children will be impacted by less time, money etc.

A third may also not satisfy your broodiness if having two hasn't done so,

I think they’ll always be a thought when you have your last baby “what if I had one more?” But honestly since I had my baby practicalities seem much more important. I used to want 4 secretly. Now I want two and will be happy if I only ever have the one I’ve got. I’d stick with two if I were you. Why make things that much more overstretched?

Does your DP want another one too?

Personally I would try for the third. You gave eighteen years to cobble together the university fees.

My DP would have a third for me but isn't totally convinced we should. He was dead set on us having DC1, and kinda neural about our second DC (but now admits it was an excellent idea). He is willing to talk about DC3. Three would be his limit however. DC4 is not on the table!

Should add he is a 100% committed parent and if we did decide to have three he would throw his heart and soul into being fab dad of three.

If you think it would be too much of a stretch financially then stick to 2.
Time wise however I don't think you can compare. 3 kids entertain each other a lot so the dynamic is different. I have 3 kids, both work FT, personally it works v well for me, I even find it easier to get stuff done as the kids are playing together and it seems easier than 2 in some respect. But we are in the North West so cost of living is different!

*neutral (not neural!)

I agree with Aquamarine as well. I'm currently supporting DD through the stress of A levels. I wouldn't want to go through this 3 times. Also, teenagers are much, much more expensive than small children. Never underestimate how much they cost.

@schoolworrier - I’m expecting DS4 so probably biased but from the sounds of it you and DH will not regret having a third but you might regret not having a third.

I’m 42 if it helps take the pressure off age wise.

Thanks @mittensofsteel! V impressed and yes v helpful.

I think I will regret not having a third DC but hoping I can live with it knowing I'm giving my other two more attention / better quality of life.

You've obviously made a lifestyle decision to live in Central London which is hugely expensive and won't get any cheaper.

When I lived in an expensive part of London alot of people only had one child because of this, the rest had two. 3 was unheard of, and if anyone got pregnant with a third that's when they moved out to a cheaper place (a lot did after no 2 as well like us).

I think if you want a third so badly it would be selfish to continue to live in pretty much the most expensive place on the planet only to scrape together enough to get by.

So what do you want more, to live in Central London or a third kid. If it's the former I think you'll get over your desire to have another and is just your hormones / emotions about a landmark birthday.

That's a fair point @givemesteel. We made the decision to stay central so we could have v short commutes and maximize time with the DC. We afford this by living in an ex-local leasehold flat on a council estate. It wouldn't be for everyone but it works for us and we love living here. I grew up in the 'burbs and we were lucky to have a big garden and a nice house but my poor DM and DF spent hours commuting back and forth - I hardly ever saw them in the week. I would probably chose central london and short commute over DC3 but as pp said I'll have to move sometime anyway.

Your health.
I always wanted 4, but had dc3 12 weeks ago and now have 3 under 5.
No-one warned me, but now that I have pelvic floor problems and separated stomach muscles, all the health professionals say that's to be expected!
I am stopping at 3. It's great though!