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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to put a stop to this?

6 replies

idlikemoresleep · 09/06/2018 08:20

I posted on here a short while ago about my ex who kept using suicide as a threat to get me to get back with him.
He's an alcoholic and a pathological liar.
I blocked him from everything so since then I've had no contact.
He lives with his grandma who is 70 and still works full time. She's lovely and I used to get on with her very well. He pays her nothing - he did until he lost his regular job over a year ago and since then he's been in and out of work (mainly because he'd rather go to the pub than to work) so she let him have a "break" from paying rent which he never resumed
While he was with me he built up about £6k in credit card debt on booze/ gambling (nothing to do with me, we never lived together or anything) but before we stopped talking he'd mentioned that he'd entered into a debt management thing to try and either wipe off or reduce his debt

In the run up to me cutting off contact we spoke a little over text and on 2 occasions he'd been offered jobs, been all set to go then decided he didn't want to miss a night in the pub with the lads so didn't bother. He's not physically dependent on alcohol, he'd regularly go for weeks without a drink, but then it was like it would build up and he'd have to have a mental bender for 5 days. He's capable of not drinking though, or he was.

He then claimed (and as far as I'm aware from mutual friends is still claiming) that he couldn't return to work due to his depression and anxiety so is signed off by the doctor and claiming some kind of benefit (I have no idea what!)

I'm still friends with a lot of people who see him and they've said how he's constantly borrowing money from mates but not paying it back and yesterday I received an email saying he'd applied for another credit card (he used to use one of my email accounts occasionally for stuff hence why it's come to me)
He's in the local pub every night without fail, out in all the local bars on a weekend and I just hate the fact he's clearly claiming benefits/ scrounging off his grandma/ building up more credit card debt and getting away with it.

I KNOW it's not really any of my business any more and this is not some crazy ex payback kind of thing. I'm really not bothered what he does or who with it just irritates me that he drags others down with him, people who try to help him, mainly his grandma now.

Can anything be done? Or will it just catch up with him eventually?

And yes I've now changed my email password so he can't use it!

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 09/06/2018 08:25

He's in the local pub every night without fail, out in all the local bars on a weekend and I just hate the fact he's clearly claiming benefits/ scrounging off his grandma/ building up more credit card debt and getting away with it.

1.. grandma choses to subsidise him
2.. his friends choose to give/lend money
3.. how he spends his benefits really isn't your concern.

4.. he's in an IVA? I doubt anyone would give him a credit card. Anyway, not your responsibility.

Don't waste head space.

idlikemoresleep · 09/06/2018 08:33

Thanks for your reply

I appreciate what you're saying and believe me I'm not losing sleep over this.
He's a manipulative liar and it's just frustrating that people fall for it. Saying that, I did for long enough so I guess they'll work it out for themselves eventually
Hopefully sooner rather than later

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 09/06/2018 08:34

nope.
nothing YOU can do.
you need to move on. eventually it will all catch up with him and he will face reality.
not your concern.
if you have any spare cash invest in some decent counselling for yourself.

idlikemoresleep · 09/06/2018 08:34

Oh and grandma is in denial I think. Her daughter (his Mum) is a raging alcoholic and he seems to be heading down the same road

OP posts:
idlikemoresleep · 09/06/2018 08:35

Why do I need counselling? 😂

OP posts:
idlikemoresleep · 09/06/2018 08:42

@AJPTaylor

Sorry I posted too soon

Why would I need counselling? I have moved on it was only receiving the email about the credit card that sparked my post on here.
I'd been trying to get rid of the bugger for a while (only really began as a fling after I split with my ex husband) however he's very good at making you feel sorry for him so I stuck around for a bit trying to "help" him
Realised he's a lost cause so got rid 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
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