To 'let my children talk to strangers'?

[ladybirdsarelovely33]

I have recently read in a couple of places of parents having taught their children not to talk to strangers. Does this still happen? I feel it breeds fear but maybe I am being naïve?
My dd are very young ( 3 and 5) but they will go up to people e.g in a café / shop and start talking to them. My 3 yo esp has SEN and will wave at everyone, blow kisses to them.
Maybe it's a contextual thing but would like to hear others' thoughts/ opinions.

I think it's very sad. Children are statistically far more at risk from abuse from people they know than from strangers.

Of course they can talk to strangers at that age. I'd only stop them if the person they were talking to was bothered by it.

DD(4) ADORES people and will 'just pop out to say hello' to a lady who has waved at her through M&S window while i browse (i watch her!) and chat to/cuddle anyone. She is too young for any stranger danger chats and is never un supervised (she gets the concept of 'weirdos'). I love her confidence and innocence.

I'm always saying hi to people when we're out for walks etc, so I never saw any point in telling the kids not to do it.

But - I tell them they must never go anywhere with a stranger no matter what they say. I've given them a secret code word, and if any adult tries to take them somewhere without giving the code, they are entitled to kick, scream, bite, punch, whatever they need to do, to run and find a safe person.

When their that young surely you are going to be there all the time anyway?
Everybody is a stranger at some point so kids would never talk to anyone apart from their mum if parents actually used that rule.
Its more that I dont encourage my young but older children to talk to strangers when their by themselves, so they can chat to someone in the cafe or shop but when their walking down a quiet road on the way home from school they shouldnt talk to strangers or at least not give away personal info.

Children should have some wariness of strangers.

I would freak if my D.C. talked to a stranger in a shop!

I talk to children all the time if they are near me. It is sad that some parents are afraid that all adults are out to harm there child. This wont ever stop me being friendly

The more important lesson is never to go anywhere with anyone unless mum/dad has said it OK.

What is a stranger? Is the man they see in the shop every week a stranger? Or the woman who walks her dog past your house everyday? How many time will you have spoken to someone before they become "safe"?

I would freak if my D.C. talked to a stranger in a shop!

Why on earth would you freak? That's just nuts. I just don't get this attitude at all.

@Sevendown why on earth would you freak?

I feel so sad for you and your children sevendown if you would freak out if your child talked to someone like me in a shop or cafe. I am mum to three and grandma to seven, HCP for over 40 years and DBS clear, am trusted by many parents with their vulnerable children ..... but in reality most other people without all that are still just like me in that we like to chat with children, have a wee laugh, share a discovery or be shown a toy.

Children should not grow up fearing all adults except parents.... foster a sensible approach of not to leave parents and who to go to if lost maybe...

Same as Estrella, I encourage my kids to talk to strangers, but never go anywhere with strangers. They get to meet people in the neighbourhood and it’s good to know how and whom to ask for help. We go through different scenarios like what to do if a stranger offers candy, or to show them puppies, or even if a person they know well asks them to go somewhere without me knowing.

No I allow my children to talk to strangers as long as it's appropriate. My 4 year old DD has SEN and will overstep the mark as she doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not.
For example while playing on the park she saw a dad pick up his little girl, so she ran over asking to be picked up. I always step in and stop her in this kind of situation.

Mine always talked to 'strangers', quite whether the strangers liked having their peace shattered is another matter. In seriousness, there are a lot of lonely people out there, for whom a few words at the bus stop or in the supermarket is the only contact they may have that day.

I was having a nice yarn with a teenager on the bus today, quite what he thought about me mithering on about his broken leg and football I don't know. Still, he humoured me by laughing.

I would freak if my D.C. talked to a stranger in a shop! So at what age will you train them go from not talking to strangers (and being completely unable to, for example, ask for directions in a strange town) to being a normal human being able and happy to participate in small talk with people they meet in passing? or are you one of these people who can think of nothing worse than an unknown person trying to exchange a sentence of two at a bus stop?

I agree @Audree. It’s important that children are taught to identify potentially dangerous situations but also that you may have to talk to strangers in certain situations.
However context is everything. My 2 year old went running up to a NNDN the other day when we saw him in the supermarket. We don’t know him well and he picked her up. I was uncomfortable with this. Not because I saw him as threatening but I don’t feel we know him well enough. It also showed me how vulnerable she is. She happened to recognise him and that was it... I know she is too young to even start trying to explain boundaries to but it did make me wonder how I would have explained that to an older child.

OMG I spent the afternoon talking to kids I don’t know, I am that stranger! For some reason children just flock to me. DS was with me and he spoke to other adults also, told them mummy didn’t get lost in the car today lol!

My husband had this at centre parcs- a child was playing near him in the park and spoke to him - childs mother dragged them off and told the child off for speaking to strangers!!

How are children supposed to make friends if they’re not allowed to speak to people they don’t know??

Just be aware that some strangers may not want to be bothered by children. My son who has sn is very anxious if young children approach him.