to be irritated at colleague teasing me about no kids

[cambridgeends]

AIBU to be irritated about a colleague's constant teasing?

Am 40 yo and getting married in July. Met my partner later in life than all of my friends, as I "lost" / wasted my 20's and 30's due to a mix of unhealthy relationships, disastrous ex boyfriends who I thankfully did not marry. I generally made poor choices which I now know was as a result of my upbringing / MH. I have had successful therapy for a few years and I know why I made those choices - I don't blame myself and have moved forward to be much healthier and happier. :-)

During my younger years I always said I didn't want kids (or marriage) but now I know that was a defence mechanism / fear of bringing baby into an unhealthy place etc. Anyway I am now looking forward to hopefully having kids but at 40 naturally scared things might not be so easy as to click my fingers and have a family, and DP and I have been preparing ourselves.

A colleague / friend of mine I've known for years always took the mickey and "ribbed" me about not wanting kids, saying I'd surely change my mind about having kids / make a great Mum etc. It used to irritate me at the time - possibly I knew he was right - but also it was annoying he said this. He did know a bit about about my background but not the ins and outs - but in any case I don't think I would comment on someone's choices about kids / no kids...

A few weeks ago this colleague received an invite to our wedding and ever since he has been saying stuff about "ah so kids are now on the cards then" / "I told you you'd change your mind" etc etc

Even though he is technically right, it is annoying me that he feels able to say this stuff generally to a woman. Obviously I have worries we might not get pregnant etc due to my age and I don't like the assumption.

Although he is a colleague / friend and we've known each other for years, I would not call him a really close friend and part of me feels like saying 'mind your own business' or even asking him if he realises people have fertility problems and you shouldn't say this stuff. (he is married with 3 kids and probably just one of those blokes who thinks it is normal for everything to go smoothly)?

I have a good girl friend age 40 who is married but doesn't have kids and I have never asked her why as I have always felt no-one should have to justify this stuff.

AIBU?

Just tell him to bore off!
I would if a colleague did that to me.

Tell him to mind his own business and you don't want him to raise it again, thanks very much.

Job done.

Why on earth did you invite someone like that to your wedding?

Definitely YaNBU and you are completely justified to tell him to wind his neck in and mind his own business. He probably thinks it’s just harmless banter but he’s being incredibly immature. He doesn’t know why you haven’t got children and you don’t need to explain it to anyone.

As a 50 year old who never found the right man to have kids with (and never really heard the ticking clock), I would tell him to feck the feck off. Frankly, I'd shake him warmly by the testicles if he asked again.

I'm ashamed to say I would have been one of these knobs when I was about 25.

But I've grown up, had MCs, friends with MCs / infertility problems and I know now how much of a minefield it can be if you bring it up with someone who has no children not through choice.

And actually by choice. I have two friends who constantly have to defend their choice of not having kids (not to me!) and it must do their bloody heads in.

I'd say if he's really a friend you could tell him that you wouldn't have minded him asking you once or twice but it's become uncomfortable now and does he realise how many people have fertility and/or gynae issues?

This isn’t worth any angst’ing at all. Next time you see him just tell him that you would like him to stop mentioning anything to do with you having or not having kids ever again. Tell him you don’t like it and that you want him to stop completely. Smile nicely and move on....

Don’t waste your time with hinting or with clever comebacks - a straightforward polite request should be good enough.

I agree. Tell him your womb is none of his business. Or go on and on about his 3 kids-ask him why he had 3/ did he consider the environment/did he think about middle child syndrome/any other irritating question you can think of that questions his reproductive decisions, pass it off as 'banter' See how much he can take!

haha raisedbyguineapigs that's good!

I’m desperate for children but it’s possibly not going to happen and one woman at work makes comments like ‘oh yes you hate chlidren’ And ‘you would understand if you had kids’ I want to scream in her stupid face most days.

Fluffyears that's awful, poor you.

This is what I'm talking about. Why do people feel they have the right to comment!

I suggest you use the response my sister, who did not want children used when some dipstick asked about the latter of tiny feet. She would stare them in the eye and say, "Some people can't have children."

They soon stopped. It is none of their business.

No one else’s business, make sure you tell them OP.

I remarried and had a dc at 43 op. Don't rule it out .

I'd just respond with 'some people aren't lucky enough to have children, perhaps you should bare that in mind?' Insensitive idiot.