Confronting Mean Women

[Kittycat34]

Over the past 4 years I have been trying to deal with the bitchy behaviour of one my DF friends girlfriends (I will call her R) .
About a month ago we had arranged to all go to the pub at 5pm ( it was a lovely sunny bank holiday, so why not!) when me an DF arrived all the girlfriends where already there ( I didn't know 2 of them were coming but they more the merrier) before I had even sat down R turned to me with a smirk on her face and told me "we have been here from 1pm " - so basically they all met up without me, which I found pretty hurtful. I had been getting on with them all fine up until this point, so I felt a bit blindsided. Throughout the next 3 hours they all keep saying "we have been here since 1pm" trying to rub it in that they hadnt invited me. To say I was upset was an understatement. After a couple of pints I confronted them and ask why they hadn't invited me. This wasnt a good move I know but I wasnt aggressive just upset. They said it wasn't on purpose and they didn't mean to but because of R's past behaviour and the smirk I don't really believe them.
R's past behaviour includes:

1. Bitching about her boyfriends sister a lot (even before she is about to enter a room)
2. Telling us personal details about her friends "they have £15,000 of credit card debt"- "she get drunk all the time and has put on loads of weight"
3. Trying it on with her best friends husband. This one is horrible!
4. Bitiching about one of the boys girlfriends before even meeting her "have you seen a picture of her!"
5. General bragging "I'm really clever"- "My house cost £X" - "Im going on 3 holidays this year" I feel like she picks on people and I know she must have low confidence but she really can be nasty. I have spent the last month ignoring her, which was the advise my friends gave me. However last weekend R's boyfriend was ignoring my DF which was upsetting him and putting me in a really difficult position. My DF told me I needed to meet her and confront her. So I have arranged to meet her tomorrow for coffee. I have really bad anxiety about it, I am sure she will be nice to my face and then go to everyone else in the group and bitch about me. I don't know if I should bring up her past behaviour? I don't want her to think she can get away with treating people like this. I also blame myself for not standing up to her when she was picking on other people, but it is difficult with her being a girlfriend of DF mate and I don't really like confrontation. Sorry for the essay this is really on my mind. Any advise similar experiences would be welcome.

This sounds exhausting. Why have anything to do with any of them?

R's boyfriend is ignoring your friend?

And your friend wants YOU to confront HER?

Why?

I wouldn't go and have coffee alone with her.

Confrontation with people like this should be in a group environment when it happens.

"Her dress is ugly."
"Well, I'm sure she didn't wear it to please you."

"She's got credit card debt."
"Is that the sort of thing you should be discussing with us?"

"She's an alcoholic."
"Poor woman, who knows what's going on in her life? Regardless, I doubt you're making it better."

"Do you mean to be so nasty?" or a simple sanctimonious "how unkind" would do.

These are made for attention and to build up self esteem. If she stops getting a positive reaction she'll stop it, especially as you will probably incite agreement from others in the group.

"You can't pick your family but you can pick you're friends" so exactly why are you bothering with ANY of them? You're too decent a person or given the chance, would you treat others like they are treating you?

I think your reading too much I into it. If you don't like 'R' then fair doors - you can't like everyone. She sounds a bit gossipy as opposed to bitchy - we have all hot a bit loose tongued with a sherbets. They we got here at one 0 clock sounds a bit childish and irritating - bit like my 9 year old boasting that she had two glasses of coke on a playdate. Let it wash over you, don't confront her - Practice a few 'unimpressed eyebrow raises' or have a few 'that's nice' phrases ready.

I'm sorry but who is DF? It tends to be used to on MN to refer to a poster's father but I can't tell if you use DF to mean a friend or a boyfriend?

Why are you even wasting your time with these people? R sounds nasty and the rest sound equally nasty or just plain weak. I'd drop the lot of them and find some new friends.

However last weekend R's boyfriend was ignoring my DF which was upsetting him and putting me in a really difficult position. My DF told me I needed to meet her and confront her. So I have arranged to meet her tomorrow for coffee. Who / what is DF?

If a friend then he is part of your problem, he has basically thrown you to the lions. Stand her up and find some nicer friends.

When she facebooks how rude you have been reply "I woke up and decided I didn't have to put up with an hour of the usual bitching" and block her. You'll find out who your real freinds are!!

You all sound like children in school! If you don't like someone don't spend time with them.