To reduce my hours against DHs wishes?

[ItsSuchAnEasyFlight]

I'm not coping.

2 months ago I had a mental breakdown, ended up seeing a consultant psychiatrist and was diagnosed with BPD with Bi-polar traits brought on my childhood PTSD. I was put on quetiapine.

I am a healthcare professional and at the time took two weeks off work. When I went back they were good with me and dramatically reduced my workload. However, it's since crept back up and it's now ridiculous. I work in the community and am constantly being phoned asking to take on more and more visits. I get one off my list and notice that the bloody list goes UP rather than down. I've looked on next weeks list and on one day I have 17 visits - all to be done between 8.30 and 5pm and one of them takes over an hour. The others range from 15 minutes to 40 minutes. It's just impossible. I feel a sick thinking about it.

On top of that i have major problems with my 17 year old son - problems that could lead to prison or worse. I have zero support from anywhere. I feel like getting my passport and doing a runner.

I'm on a casual hours contract so pick and choose my shifts. I'm thinking of dropping from 4 days a week to 3 days.

We are not short of money, DH would not even notice the drop in income yet if I mention it to him he will not be sympathetic and will kick up a fuss about me not pulling my weight.

WIBU to drop my hours anyway? For my own sanity?

You’re dh sounds unpleasant

In the first instance though I would speak with your manager about how unrealistic your work load is

I'd speak to your manager first as well if the workload is unrealistic, it's not going to change otherwise.

As for dropping days, it needs to be a joint decision so you need to talk like adults. Presumably he earns more re your comments on finances but that doesn't mean he gets dictated to. He may not be happy to be the main earner, that doesn't make him a bad person. he is already supporting you to work part time.

Speak to your manager, if you don't you'll just drop to 3 days of hell rather than 4. Better to agree a cap on your daily calls so that they are realistic.
Why would dp be an arsehole over you temporarily dropping? Is ds his?

My first thought is to watch that they don't agree to you dropping your hours (which will save them money) but still expect you to manage the same caseload. That would then be even more stressful. I second speaking to your managers first and advising them that your current workload is unsustainable.

Could you change jobs? It just sounds like if you reduced days, you'd still have the problem of overload on those days too. Seems like you should look for something else. Maybe you could sell it to your dh as dropping some hours to specifically use for jobhunting? (He does not sound very nice, BTW)

Doesn't your husband appreciate how unwell you were? Is he usually so unsupportive? Look after your mental health first op and reduce your hours

I agree with speak to your manager, but when it comes to your DH he’s going to have to just deal with you dropping a day. This isn’t you wanting to work less on a whim to just laze around and enjoy yourself. You had a breakdown and any man who would force his wife to continue in a situation that could well prompt another breakdown is not a good husband. Therefore he loses the “right” to have an equal say in this. Health (mental or physical) is way more important than money. What if you had a worse breakdown the next time? Maybe even ended up sectioned? You wouldn’t be working at all then. Your DH doesn’t sound very supportive.

I don't think dropping your hours is the answer.

Your employer will still put too much work on the days you are there and may try and add on some of the ones from the day you stop doing.

This will not reduce your stress and make you feel better and you will probably do the same or near to it, in less time for less money.

You need a talk with your HR/employer again about a realistic workload and point of where it is unmanageable and what happens if you go on long term sick or resign. It is in their best interests to work with you on this.

If that fails perhaps look for a different job.

All sounds very hard. Have you been referred to occupational health at work and asked for adjustments? Given your recent ill health and diagnosis they should be making “reasonable adjustments” to your working conditions, including workload (whatever hours you do).

Your mental health is more important than "pulling your weight" 🙄 I would do it.

I don't think dropping your hours is the answer.
I agree. You'll still resent the workload in 3 days so what next? Dropping to 2 days? 1 day? It'll still be hell. You need to sort the actual workload so you can manage the 4 days (though I know that's easier said than done). And even though DH sounds less than supportive, it's not right to just tell him you're dropping your hours. You wouldn't want him to do the same to you so it's got to be a 2-way street.

I would drop days or think about changing into a different area (difficult I know). I'm a community HCP and the pressure is unbelievable. Sickness in our team is through the roof as people can't cope and it's triggering stress related illness to even the most robust of us.

I doubt talking to management will work. Everywhere is hugely understaffed but the work keeps rolling in. Realistically, there's not much management can do as demand is increasing and people need to be seen but the funding isn't there for staff. Nobody seems to wa t to say, sorry we do t have capacity for that and I don't see it changing anytime soon unfortunately.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Your H sounds unsympathetic. Look after yourself first and foremost. You need time and space to feel well again.

Sounds really hard for you at the moment.

Both your work and dh should be supporting you, given the tough time you have been having.

Yanbu in wanting to reduce your hours. Do it and put yourself first.

That's a lot to cope with.

Step 1. Speak to your manager of they are not helpful then ask for an Occupational Health referral.

Step 2. Tell your DH how you feel, if easier perhaps write him a letter. Explain you are taking proactive steps with your employer but you also need their support. Is he your DS' parent?

A couple of things I would do

1. Email your manager , explain the situation to them factually, you can talk to them as well , but emailing means you have evidence of what has been said.

1. Occupational health, can you access it, if you can, ring them for advice.

1. Out of interest , is everyone getting the same number of visits ? Does your organisation use any type of system to look at the amount of visits/number of staff available/time required for visits to ensure there is the physical ability to cover the workload ? Do they ever close the caseload , I know traditionally that community settings rarely do this ?

1. Have the number of visits increased or are you finding it harder at the moment to manage the workload ? what happens if you are unable to complete visits ? is there a system in place to reschedule or reallocate to other staff ?

1. In your situation I would certainly consider reducing your hours for a few weeks/months.

If you want to PM me , I work in a similar setting and understand how very hard it can be.

How would your DH know if you dropped a day? Does he check on where you are, or how much money you're putting in the pot?

Don't ask him if he's not supportive, just drop a day quietly. Is there a possibility that you're just being anxious about his reaction, and that in fact he'd be all for it?

I don’t think just dropping your hours is the answer either; you’ll still have an unmanageable caseload on the days you do work. The caseload is the crux of the matter and you need to speak candidly with your manager.

• How would your DH know if you dropped a day? Does he check on where you are, or how much money you're putting in the pot?

Don't ask him if he's not supportive, just drop a day quietly.*

Wow what the fuck?!

Do you have a policy in respect of how many cases/visits are expected? I had a supposed number in my job, I always had more cases than colleagues and when I looked into it I discovered that some colleagues weren't dealing with the initial enquiry correctly. So basically I got bollocked for doing it properly, then I complained and all became clear. So my advice would be to ask what is expected of you in your working day.

Two weeks sickness for a breakdown. You couldn't possibly recover. I'm not sure even if you anti-pysc medication will have been able to have an effect so soon.

You must, MUST take more time away from work. It will take you months to feel properly better. Please rest, get referred for CBT, sleep as much as you can. Your body has given you a warning, please do take note and look after YOU.xx