To think that if "school is not childcare" then HMRC and the DWP have missed the memory?

[CatONineTails]

I'm a lone parent with a 7yo who has as yet undiagnosed SN (presumed ASD and possible ADHD). I have worked since he was small, running my own business as a sole trader which is pretty successful and earns me a modest living which is topped up by WTC and Housing Benefit.

DS has always struggled at school but since moving up to the junior school this year things have got worse and worse. We reached a point recently where he was having daily meltdowns, often with accompanying aggressive or violent lashing out at staff and other children, and he has now been put on a pastoral support plan with a 50% reduced timetable until the school can get full EHCP in place with funding for a 1-1 etc.

So my earnings have plummeted because I'm now only able to work 2.5 hours a day (that's on a good day - at least once a week there's a meeting I need to attend about DS that takes up most of the time he's in school). DS can't go to any sort of childcare, there is none that meets his needs locally. I have no family support local enough to help. No friends that feel able to look after him. School breakfast club won't take him so I can't even start work early.

So off I trot to the local one stop shop where they do benefits advice etc. But I'm not entitled to fuck all extra, and in fact if I don't carry on working 16 hours a week I may lose my WTC. I've applied for DLA and carers allowance but with no diagnosis it's not a given that I'll get it and so far have heard nothing back. I usually work extra hours in the run up to the summer holidays so I can reduce my hours while DS is off school but that's not going to happen this year. I honestly don't know how we will manage.

I wept in the SENCOs office today at a meeting and explained the financial pressure that I'm now under, only to be told by someone from the local authority that "school isn't childcare" and that DS needs must come first. Well as it happens DS needs a fucking roof over his head which means I have to work to pay for it! Of course in an ideal world I'd be at home ready and able to drop everything to meet his every need but I'm not, I can't be, there's only one of me and Im really struggling with getting so little break from DS plus trying to work the necessary hours so I don't lose all my clients and my tax credits to boot.

Some one really should tell HMRC and the rest that "school isn't childcare" so they stop insisting that all parents with a school aged child are free to work within school hours If the DLA application is turned down then I will be expected to work and earn as though there is no difference in my circumstances despite the fact that it is literally not possible for me anymore. I know IAprobablyBU but the utter inflexibility is so frustrating.

Regarding the toilet, do the school have cubicles? If so that might be what is upsetting him. Ask if he can use their single cubicle disabled toilet. This is what we do for children with toileting issues even though our disabled toilet is technically an adult toilet for staff and visitors.

For a start asking the child WHY he will not use the toilet at school.
Is it smell, is it the noise from hand-dryers, is it the other children, has he been told he is "not allowed to" at certain times which has been heard as "never allowed to", is it the toilet paper.

IF he can tell you this then you can start to put in strategies accordingly. More difficult if he can't but you can work through the above and try to resolve the issues. Is there a disabled toilet he can use for instance, could he be released from class early so that he can go when the toilets are empty; could the toilets be cleaned more often etc etc.

No magic bullets certainly but sounds like this school are not even trying to find a solution.

The part time timetable is undoubtedly illegal, and it is particularly outrageous that the school expects you to suck that up until they get around to doing the EHCP application: obviously they should have prioritised it. You need to get your own application for an EHCP in immediately, and you should point out both to the school and the LA that depriving your child of education is illegal and discrimination on the basis of disability.

SOS SEN do some really good booklets on assessment for EHCPs and what should be in an EHCP. There's information about how to get them here - sossen.org.uk/news.php

The refusal to use the toilet may be because of the general anxiety he has in school. Measures put in place to reduce general anxiety may help with toilet refusal.

LA representatives are generally 'unhelpful' because one of their remits is to avoid their department spending money. It is wise to get clued up on education law because you can't rely on the local authority to stick to it.
Always make sure everything is documented in writing ( emails will do) and be prepared to be a ( polite) pain in the arse.
As part of the ehcp assessment your child's social care needs should be assessed so ask for a child in need assessment ( all children with sn are automatically children in need).

Sorry just skimmed the thread - Is your son's father able to help financially?

DS says he doesn't ever need the toilet at school. So for a long time everyone insisted on taking this at face value despite me saying repeatedly that it wasn't the case.

I'm not sure what the school can do until there is an adequately trained 1 to1 in place. They should be pushing for the funding as a matter of urgency.

OP agrees that her son's behaviour can be dangerous and the school has to protect the other pupils and the teachers from attacks. It seems that the alternative to this part time time table is exclusion. If that were to happen then the LA would have to provide a home tutor or another school.

I do feel that his complex needs are probably too much for a MS school and I think he would be happier in a school where his needs could be met by those trained in such needs.

Op,
Don't want to worry you but a pastoral support plan is often a pre-cursor to a permanent exclusion. It's the way a school can demonstrate that they've addressed al the issues and still the child isn't 'complying'. Having said that, it's very difficult to permanently exclude an SEN child . And yes to the poster who pointed out that a part time provision is illegal - it is the school's responsibility to offer a full time provision - despite the challenges that this might offer.
I wonder, you dismiss the collecting him during the day but given that the part time offer is eroding your ability to work so much, MIGHT collecting him at lunchtime to take him home, lunch, use the loo and then back for the afternoon session give you some more hours to make more work possible? Just a thought.

A part time timetable that is not short term, has no clear end date and no clear reintegration plan is illegal whether you agree to it or not, an EHCP will take 16 weeks to produce but many LA SEND Teams are still not producing EHCPs within the statutory time limits. With the summer holidays fast approaching the LA will be able to extend that time limit by 4 weeks. The ipsea or SOS SEN websites have plenty of good information about your child's rights. If the school haven't started the process you can do it yourself, again the above mentioned websites have information and template letters that you can use to start the process.

Do not believe that what the school or LA tell you is the truth, often it is a grain of truth mixed with a lot of bullshit.

Do you know about the Children and families act? It's well worth a read particularly the part relating to SEN.

"that DS needs must come first."

This sort of thing is said regularly by LA workers to shut parents up by trying to make them feel guilty. Turn it back on them ie so what are you going to do to ensure his need and right to a full time education is met.

They did tell me when they first set up the pastoral support plan that they had no intention of excluding him but that it was the best way to make the LA take everything seriously and provide funding etc faster than they otherwise would.

Clearly I have a lot of catching up on the law to do before my next meeting!

Oh go fuck yourself SweetCheeks1980

At least my DS has a disability that explains (not excuses) his behaviour. What's your explanation for your lack of empathy and ignorance of SN?

clearly won't follow the rules

Have I really just read that unpleasant and inane comment?

Also can I just point out that actually DS is a bit of a stickler for rules and generally speaking follows them to the letter. The majority of his meltdowns stem from other people not following the rules which sends him into absolute anxiety overload and from rules being bent or changed which he doesn't understand and cannot cope with at all.

When in a calm and predictable environment you wouldn't know he had any issues at all. He's polite, kind to smaller children and animals, well read, chatty, interested in a wide range of topics and very funny.

"I hate to be "that person""

I think you love being that person or you wouldn't have posted it. It doesn't matter if you don't like it because you don't get to decide.

You totally miss that it is the behaviour of his classmates that are probably causing the OP's ds's behaviour. Maybe their parents should give up their jobs and home educate so the Op's son can have full-time education.

Schools can use a part time timetable with parental permission. If you do not agree then he has to have full time education. If school can not cope then the LA should provide funding for alternative provision.

Ignore those unhelpful comments above.

It is also illegal to exclude a child with SEN if their behaviour is inextricably linked to their special needs. For example if a child with ASD is biting other children because they have extreme sensory needs, you cannot exclude them for this. It is the equivalent of excluding someone for something else they cannot change - sex, age, race etc.

Have you considered a special school or school with a unit? You would get transport if you live a certain distance away. Maybe worth going to visit and seeing what you think. DS might thrive there.

Jeez, I don't know sweet cheeks. Maybe because children with additional needs can struggle in the classroom for a variety of reasons, whereas most neurotypical children are able to adapt quite well on a daily basis to their learning environment.

Can't believe that has to be explained...

Please MNHQ let SweetCheeks' comment stand.

I'd like people to see what parents of children with additional needs are up against tbh. That x1000 is basically my life.

Has the EHCP application been submitted?

I'm not 100% sure @Eurovision - they're talking as though it has been but I'm starting to realise they're full of shit

I'll be finding out asap though.

Can you pm me? You would know if it had been submitted. I can help with a parental application if you need some support.

But if he hasn't got a formal diagnosis then surely he has to be treated the same as every other pupil, until such time that he has a statement?
Otherwise, anyone could excuse unwanted or challenging behaviour as special needs.