Parents of teens and older

[fallollop]

What advice would you give to parents of toddlers, or to yourself when your children were that age?

1. Stop worrying . Don't worry so much that you are doing everything 'right' according to the 'experts'. Chances are you're getting it wrong and your dcs will turn out ok anyway and by the time they reach adulthood the advice you so carefully followed has been completely disproved and is now viewed as akin to abuse.

1. Enjoy them . Laugh with them. Parenting is tough enough so make the most of every moment you can when things haven't completely gone tits up to be happy around them. You'll cherish those memories.

Don't wish their life away looking to the next milestone. Enjoy the moment.

I know it's such a cliche but honestly make the most of every minute because it goes so fast that before you know it you're waving them off to uni. Enjoy them when they're small. It's not that they're not lovely when they're big because they are, it's just that you will miss those days.

Don't worry about the times that you think you've completely stuffed up as they won't remember it (but they will remember random trivial things like the time you forgot to pack their pyjamas or when you cut their toast into squares instead of triangles )

Agree with above. Stop worrying. Everyone is winging it and there are no absolute rules with ringing up toddlers. They are all different and react differently.

Don't compare your child with someone else's and don't listen to the parents who bang on about their child hitting milestones ahead of time. By the time they go to school they are all pretty much on the same page.

Don't be embarrassed if your kid has a tantrum in public. We've all been there, we've all wished we could curl up and die. Just deal with it as you would at home and ignore anyone who decides to tell you where you are going wrong. If it works for you, then carry on.

And yes, enjoy them. Toddlers are huge amounts of fun. They are exploring their world and seeing things through their eyes is lovely.

They grow up so fast and I miss those little arms going round my neck for a cuddle and the sticky kisses.

You're gonna screw up. A lot. But you'll survive and sometimes think you did quite well.

Get them involved in doing chores from an early age. I'm now lumbered with a stroppy 18 year old who doesn't do anything but moan how crap everything despite doing nothing but make amazing amounts of mess and clutter. Plus a 13 year old who is so busy on his damn pc gaming with his mates I might as well not exist. I dread going home now and wish when they were younger I let them wash up when they wanted too and put up with the odd chipped plate and got them to help around the house even though I knew I'd do it back then quicker on my own. I now feel like I'm running a free hotel/housemaid

That toddlers are just terrified babies who don't understand why they can't get their own way or understand their raging anger.

At least with a toddler you can pick them up, people expect a toddler to tantrum not so much with an older child.

Ds1 didn't tantrum as a toddler. But now he's a teenager he has no frame of reference to when I say it, I mean it, because he's never tested me. Now he's 6'1 and tantrums and there's fuck all I can do. If he says no, I can't pick him up and move him for calm down time.

That teens are toddlers with a better vocabulary. You can't pick them up and carry them when they tantrum.

Respect your child from the word go. You reap what you sow and the time spent bonding with your baby, toddler, child etc is rewarded with the teen and adult they become. You can look and listen and say “wow- I actually shaped that fabulous human!”
Teen years are testing but in a way they are needed to break away that bond safely soyour child can grow up and leave.
It still gives me a wee ache to wave my grown up son off to his “home”... and I couldn’t have even imagined being able to do that when he was little.
So enjoy it.
I remember reading that you’ll never know the last time you do something is actually the last time- bedtime kisses, that favourite storybook, holding hands over a road- so savour it all.
Choose your battles. Say yes more than no. Say sorry. Love hard and let go.

I didn’t have internet when my kids were younger so kinda got on with it so my advice to mothers with young kids
Take what you read with a pinch of salt, you’re mummy you know better your kids wants and needs

And also please don’t ask people on the net if your kid is ill, if in doubt call NHS 24, your doctor or take your precious one to hospital

My advice to myself..should of loved my self more my kids would have respected me now..

Don't wish their life away looking to the next milestone. Enjoy the moment. This.

I also wish I had been more relaxed and worried less about behaviour and being strict. I wish I had played with them more.

They're going to mess up and you're going to mess up, it's fine, it's not the end of the world.

Time does go very fast even if you've had a really crappy week, it goes fast.

Even if your toddler is really pissing you off, remember that one day, if you're lucky, you'll be having great chats with them when they're teens.

Don't sweat the small stuff and pick your battles.

They will always be your child even when they've left home and you don't speak for a few weeks.

It will get much much harder than it is for you now. Toddlers are a walk in the park compared to teens ( I currently have 5 teens)
Treasure the time when they are young and don't tell you to fuck off and steal your things.
Treasure any down time you get in the evenings because once they are teens you won't have any.

Don't sweat the small stuff
Relax and enjoy them..... I did neither

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Stop beating yourself up. You are doing great. Yes, you. Not everyone else. You.

No, really.

Even if your house isn't like in the magazines, even if you aren't super glam like the celeb mums or Mrs GlamSlim next door, even if you cook like a drunk student, even if your children sometimes aren't doing something 'worthy', even if you swear a bit, even if you aren't having amazing sex like in a tv drama, even if you can't make a chicken feed your family for a month and you haven't got an exciting career.

You are bloody marvelous so stop beating yourself up and give yourself credit for everything you do.

I found humour to be the best parenting tool.
We laugh with our son so much. I'm a very chilled parent.
We parent by negotiating we seldom say do it NOW.
I always say don't let me ask you again. Now he is 12 and I tell him don't make me angry because I have ways to make you suffer. He always wants to know about his potential awful punishments. He very rarely gets punished because we work a compromise.
He is very funny and light. We make time for him. We have enjoyed him so much and we really don't think we could do better.
Humour, compromised and above all love. Time really goes too fast.

Bad habits are not easily broken. That counts for nearly everything from sleep routines to homework to mealtimes to screen time etc etc. Things very quickly become 'the norm'. Be careful.

Don’t be rigid with routines. Stuff will happen that means routine has to abruptly change.

Milestones some your gonna miss.

They are different. Just because yours is doing x,y and z doesn’t mean others are and vice versa.

Don’t judge others. You don’t know what’s going on

The odd day in front of the tv eating crap is fine.

Give them as much freedom as you can from as early as they can handle it (within reason of course). As soon as they start pushing the boundaries, renegotiate them. Then they have less to rebel against.

Teach them from early childhood that rights and freedoms come with responsibilities, and that if they hash it up they need to accept the consequences (age appropriate of course).

Let them be themselves, with their own tastes.

Laugh at yourself, and with them, but never at them, and let them talk. The best place I have found is when the two of you are in your car late one evening. They do tend to open up a bit then.

At about the age of 12 or 13 a magic thing happens and they suddenly discover lie-ins at the weekend :)

When they first get a mobile phone, make them leave it downstairs at night, right from the start. It's a hard rule to enforce at a later date when you realise they need it.

I do miss mine being little and cuddly. They're great conversation these days, but don't like being touched :(

Realise that all over the country there are parents of 15-18 year olds that wish they had 2-4 year olds instead!!!!!

I'm sure I am not alone 😁

I used to worry that my baby wasn't getting enough attention as my toddler was so demanding well now that 'toddler' is an independent tween and the 'baby' is getting lots of attention as an 8 year old instead when its just as lovely and useful.

As the parent of a 16 year old I would give no advice and that is my advice.

It doesn't matter if your child doesn't walk by the time he is one.

Or is not toilet trained by two.

Or doesn't use cutlery properly at age three.

Or doesn't write his full name when he is four.

Or tie shoe laces when he is five.

Or master a school tie by the time he is six.

These things do not matter because he will achieve them eventually.

Therefore, focus on helping him learn the things that really matter - being happy, sociable, kind, thoughtful, inquisitive, honest, loving, articulate, brave, able to handle both success and disappointment.

The berries in the garden aren't in fact poisonous.

None of those bones are broken.

Push for nose cauterization sooner rather than later it will save a lot of tissues.

Teenagers are mostly LOVELY.

"Respect your child from the word go."

Absolutely this!! You've got so much more of a chance of a decent relationship with them when you need it if you treat them with respect and as you would expect to be treated than if you're the kind of parent who shrieks "(insert appropriate name here), get here FFS" across ASDA.