Problems with HV

[DrowsyDragon]

My DD was due her six month check up three weeks ago and I missed the appointment by mistake - I had a letter saying HV was coming on xdate which I thought was the Tuesday and it was the Monday. I apologised profusely, couldn’t get back so the visit was rearranged for today. An hour beforehand she called to cancel saying she was covering for a colleague. When I protested saying the visit was late and I had concerns about my DD I wanted to discuss she was very dismissive. I said I knew it was my fault the visit was overdue and I was sorry but was there anyway it could happen today and she told me off for wasting an hour of her time and rearranged for a weeks time.

My DD has been struggling with weaning and when HV called I was in the process of filming her eating and writing up questions to be prepared. I actually cried because i’ve Also been pretty anxious lately - something I wanted to discuss with my HV. HV has also been on long term sick for four months of DD’s life, missed her bad eczema and generally seems really burned out compared to the cover-HV who was great about the eczema and really supportive. So my question, am I being AIBU to be upset about this? And can I change HV?

If you have strong concerns about your DD, then you should make a GP appointment. I don't think your HV is being a problem, she is obviously very busy. You could also have made an appointment with her before now if you had concerns instead of waiting for a routine appointment.

Again the issue with eczema is something for the GP not the HV.

Tbh I think you would be better off seeing gp about your anxiety. A week is not so very long for a non urgent appointment. Try not to stress about weaning, milk is still her principle source of nutrition and solids a bonus.

Could you post some of your weaning concerns on MN to get some help in the meantime?

I also think your best off seeing the gp. I haven't seen my hv since
My baby was 2 weeks old. She's now 13 months. Why can't you take her the walk in clinic the hv run them weekly.

Middling concerns - basically she’s not very interested in weaning, very occasionally likes something and then loses interest the next time it’s offered. I’m an only child and she’s my first so I was hoping the HV could give me some perspective or normal versus paranoid mum brain.

I’d been taking her to the clinic for weight and completely blanked on that this morning - very good point. [ gosh I remember when my brain used to retain things].

did repeatedly see the GP about the eczema, and got referred to specialist. I phrased that bit quite badly. Part of my concern about this HV was that her cover remembered my DD, noticed the eczema and the changes and my “official” HV did none of those things. But I think perhaps I am just taking it all too personally. Which was what I wanted to check anyway!

Can't you talk to a Hv at the clinic?

Hi RayRay, Yep I totally can. I just forgot. I’m blaming three sleepless nights with the teething baby.

Your dd sounds pretty normal with weaning, she is only six months and just starting out in solids, she isn’t expected to eat much. Some babies aren’t interested in food for quite some time.

As for the hv, I never saw them with any of mine really just the initial visit and da3 had a check up at about 9 months old.

Thanks these! It just seemed a bit like the world Is full of six month and smaller babies wolfing down purée and mine treats it like a weird test I have set for her! Not much keener on finger food either. Clearly I just need to ignore other people’s babies and be patient.

If she isn't interested in food much then she probably isn't quite ready to be. I really wouldn't worry about it at her age. She will get there soon enough and then you'll be like me and unable to keep up with getting the food to the house!! (Two teenagers here!)

You need to see a GP about your anxiety. I think you are expecting a lot from a very overstretched service who have a lot of families with serious issues to see (think SN, safeguarding, severe pnd/psychosis). Go to the drop ins for basic advice (ie weaning) and see your GP for medical problems.

Just relax. They all get there at their own rate. Mine had very little interest in weaning and progress was slow. At one we had to cut milk to force her to eat more. At four she is still not food oriented and picks at her meals. The benefit is that she is healthy and slim when childhood obesity is a huge problem in the uk.

If you don't already go to some playgroups then you should start; it will give you some perspective about what is normal and some other mums to discuss potential issues with.

I'm not saying don't see the HV, just that if they're a bit pants it's worth looking elsewhere for support

Your baby sounds like a completely normal six month old.

And I don’t even remember six month check with any of mine. The health visitors budget has been cut to the bone and they really can only do the minimum.

Maybe think about doing something to take your mind off the baby worries and help you relax. Eg plan to swim on a Sunday morning whilst her father looks after her.

Small babies can be all consuming and sometimes you just need to relax and put it all in perspective

My DS had zero interest in weaning to begin with. It's taken until he's 11 months for him to really 'get' it and start to enjoy food. Up until then, milk has been his principle source of nutrition. We have seen a dietician who said not to worry, just persevere with offering food and milk and he will eventually settle to it which he did. (We only saw the dietician because he was premature not because he wasn't interested in purees). If you are concerned, give your GP a call but try not to worry too much

I say this kindly, but yes YABU.

The Health Visiting Team are not an emergency service.

You had an appointment that you missed (no drama, these things happen) but you can't then expect the HV to jump around rescheduling her day to accommodate your specific requirements, especially given that's she's covering for a colleague so has even more work to do - most of which is more urgent than a routine check and chat.

Your daughter sounds entirely normal - she's only 6 months, she doesn't need to be eating a load of different foods in great volumes. She needs to be developing in terms of new tastes and textures, rather than volume. Milk is still her primary source of nutrition.

See your GP for your anxiety and try some mum and baby groups to extend your social interactions and mix with other mums who can reassure you about your daughter. All babies are different and you shouldn't compare them in terms of what they eat and how they sleep. If she's taking milk, weeing, pooing, sleeping, content and smiley then you're doing just fine

I think you're probably anxious to be honest. It's a horrible feeling but as others have said HV probably won't be much help.

My DS didn't eat much solid food until he was around 1. He's a greedy guts now!

I think the days of Health Visitors being a handholding service for competent parents and healthy babies are long gone TBH.

I think you need to be more realistic in your expectations.

Thanks all. I do do playgroups and an exercise class just for me once a week so I think my anxiety has got a little out of hand. There are two other stressing factors that will be over in the next couple of weeks, so if it gets higher or is still high after that GP for me.

I think having had the one very attention to details HV has given my over high expectations for the actual assigned one. Though the appointment now twice rescheduled is a standard one for my area not just me demanding it. But thank you all for the perspective, especially on weaning. Feeling a lot better.