To have told my child why I don't believe in a deity?

[Sharkwithknees]

My DD has always known I don't believe in God, or any other deity. She asked me the other day why not, so I listed some of my reasons. This came up in conversation with a group of friends, and one of them suggested this was 'indoctrination WIBU? I wasn't telling her to 'not' believe, just giving her the reasons why I didn't!

Of course YANBU! On the "indoctrination scale", having one intelligent, informed discussion with your child about why you don't believe is nowhere near forcing your child to attend church every Sunday.

I think it’s fine.
I don’t believe in any god or anything either but that’s me personally I’m not out telling others not to

And besides, you're just telling her facts. I think it's far more harmful to a child to grow up believing in religion.

I was raised Christian, and when my mother died when I was quite young, I was told by all my relatives that she was "watching over me" and that I'd see her again in the next life. Because of that, I never really grieved properly at the time.

When I grew up, and realised that that was all nonsense, then it was really difficult to face the fact that she was gone forever.

Of course YANBU. Do they feel all discussion about religion should banned or are you only not able to discuss your views if you don't believe in religion?

Not unreasonable but need to be balanced. She needs to understand your beliefs are just yours and we all have different ones. She should be brought up to respect other peoples, especially if they differ fom hers. She should also be encouraged to learn about and adopt any belief framework she likes. Tricky I know, I am an atheist and would have to swallow hard if my daughter joined the jehovahs witnesses. Think of it like Brexit, you can think what you like

I was a bit shocked when she first said it, but I'm really quite annoyed now! I would definitely 'prefer' my DD to continue as an atheist but definitely wouldn't force it!

Absolutely confusedbeetle, I've got friends of faith and we all respect each other enough to be able to have friendly debate sometimes also. In fairness I can admit I have zero respect for any religion, but I can respect the people

Telling them factually why you don't believe isn't indoctrination.
But there are different ways to have that conversation and I guess some could tip into indoctrination. If what you said was age-appropriate and factual then it's not indoctrination imo.
If it was age-inappropriate; overly emotional and presented subjective opinion as facts then it could be indoctrination.

This makes me laugh and seethe.

Is it indoctrination for parent of faith to tell their children there is a god? Our dc go to a non religious school but still have regular religious observance which basically involves local ministers telling them whatever they like about god and religion including the time my five year old came home traumatised after being told all about the crucifixion in all it's gory detail (including pictures). Why is this ok but not ok for you tell your dc you don't believe. I'm very careful not to force my views as I want them to make up their own mind but neither will I effectively lie to my children to play along with what they are being told at school. My son very quickly had lots of questions and was confused by what he was being told. I simply told him different people different things. Some believe in god but this isn't always the same god, and other people don't believe in god. If he asks me something I tend to bat it back in a "what do you think" way and let him make up his own mind. But if he asks if I believe I tell him no.

YANBU. I've had these discussions with DS1 too (especially since his school did christingles and discussed their meaning and he came home quite worried about the whole idea of drinking blood)

We keep it open. Some people believe this, that or the other, I don't, but we should be polite about what other people believe etc. I keep it factual - eg that Jesus, Mohammed etc. were real people, and many of the stories are going to be based in reality (if a bit embellished - at which point I remind him of the tales his grandfather tells) etc. I think I keep it at an appropriate level, balanced, and reasonable personally

Is coming clean about Father Christmas and the tooth fairy also indoctrination?

nothing wrong with saying what you believe.... It woudl depend on your child/age of your child how it ges in the future...
when ds in primary and they cover lots of faiths (but not no religion much!) It was easier to explain that different poeple have different beliefs/faiths- when he was a bit older we have had questions about

why do people believe x/y/z and why not x/y/z - it is then harder to follow the neutral work it out for yourself approach....

I struggle with not being very straightforward about it but also not being 'religious' eg I'm right their wrong about it! So generally just say something like I can't know whats in someones head so can't say why they belive what they believe...

We don't believe in any of the gods, but despite going to a secular school my kid gets regular lessons on all the main religions, has been taught all about mass, the parts of church, the crucifixion etc 🙄
It was done so badly she felt she was being forced to choose a god, and was terrified he'll might be real.
Is that indoctrination? The school disagree.

We have talked. At length about the different religions at home, why people believe, what religion brings to the world etc.

My DD understands why we don't believe and why others do. Is that indoctrination? I don't believe so. The choice will always be hers.

Education, discussion etc should never be a bad thing. I think you were fine OP

As long as you have made it 100% clear to her that she has the right to believe whatever she wants then you have nothing to be worried about. It’s no different to telling someone you do believe.