For being a bit stressed about this?

[desperate4help]

DH family always want to visit us, I mean ALWAYS.

Every night there's someone coming over and they DO NOT LEAVE. We're both up early for work and they stay much later than I'd like (past midnight on a work night is late right?!).

He feels awkward around them and they're his family, so imagine how I feel. He's not comfy saying no they can't come around or "ok it's time for bed" so how on earth am I meant to be? He's really fed up with it and says we should start lying and saying we're busy but I don't feel like that's solving anything really - plus imagine if we got caught out?!

Anyone got any tips on how I deal with this without looking like I'm a total dragon? It's really taking it's toll because we don't get any time together on our own at all really - we're also TTC so this isn't ideal as we're always super tired when we do finally get to bed.

For the record, I genuinely do like his family just maybe not all evening every evening.

Sounds awful. Also ridiculous. Is it the same person every night, or do they have a rota in place?

Either way, you're going to have to tackle it. Because, if you don't, then your unwanted guests have no way to know that they've outstayed their welcome. I would say it should be your husband who says 'okay, that's enough now' or both of you together. Not you alone though. It doesn't have to be unpleasant but it does have to be straightforward.

Christ, I would hate that! I don't blame you for being annoyed.

Your DH has to step up here and very politely tell his family members that from now on they have to check with you in advance. I think you can be truthful and let them know that it's a cumulative thing - no one person is taking up all your time but between all of them you're hosting every night. If they're nice and reasonable people they will be understanding!

Once you've explained that, when they ask you should be able to just say 'tonight isn't great for us, how about x date instead?' And get back some control over your time.

It's various but mainly they all come together, sometimes they even treat us to arguing between themselves.

I am a bit frustrated as they've also made comments about me being in my pjs (at 10pm!) so I just feel quite uncomfortable which isn't ideal as it's my home.

Can see it becoming an issue between me and DH if we don't get a handle on it.

Thank you both for your help. I'm glad I'm not being a total b*tch! X

I'd go to bed and leave them too it.
Do they actually ask, or do they just turn up? If they ask, I's start to say no wo work nights. If they turn up say hello, sorry you can only stay a minute we are shattered and need and early night. Train them to call first.

Why on earth are they showing up without being invited? Who does that?

Do these oeople not have a life/work themselves?

Sounds like you need to nip it in the bud and be assertive to these people.

As soon as they come in say “right before I make you a drink, you are welcome to stay till 9 as we will be going to bed then as we have work early tomorrow” If they don't like that comment show them the door.

I would stop answering the door and your phones until they get the message.

They descend on you en masse every night? What the actual fuck? Tell your DH to grow some backbone and tell them to pack it in. He's fed up with it and they're his family, so he can step up and sort it knowing that you have his back and feel the same.

If you don't stamp on this now, it'll be an divorcing issue in 18 months.

My brother used to do this sometimes
However he was young and single at the time and he didn't do it every night.
So it was fine. He stopped doing it when he got married.
I think every evening is ridiculous and I would tell them you and your DH need time to yourselves.

Close the curtains and turn the lights out at the front so you can pretend you'd gone to bed. Then either don't answer or one of you answer in your pjs, yawning, and saying 'no you can't come in, we've gone to bed because we never get a decent night's kip due to visitors overstaying their welcome'

Tell them you don’t want visitors in the week. Why haven’t you said anything?!