Almost 3yo and not toilet trained

[marveljane]

My sisters DS is going to be 3yo in August and is not potty trained yet. Everyone is making a huge deal out of it from his DF to our mother and the staff at his nursery.
My DS has tried her best with toilet training but DN just cannot understand 'needing to go'. He can tell you when he's in the process of filling his nappy but not when he feels the need to. He also cannot understand the difference between a wee and poo. She tried putting him in pants a few weeks ago hoping that actually wetting himself would help him but he didn't seem to be affected by being in wet pants and having to change. I assumed he just wasn't ready and told her to put it on hold for a while.
He's slightly behind with his speech but has come on in leaps and bounds recently and is really catching up.
Aibu to think that it's really not totally worrying for children not to be ready for potty training at this age or does DS need to start worrying like everyone says?

I do find people are horrified by children 3+ not being potty trained.

Nah, most kids in our circle were only dry between sort of 2.5 and 3.5.

All 3 of mine were 3+ before being dry. Took a few days in all cases.

My speech delayed ds 6, was 4:5 years before he cracked it, despite me trying for a year. He went dry at night, a few months later.

I'd say not to worry at all! My DS wasn't toilet trained until weeks before starting school (he'd just turned 4). We actually trained him over the period of a week (gently done, he was simply ready) and has been fine ever since. I don't understand the need to speed toddlers through life like this; they develop the awareness/skill at different rates and we should respect that.

Definitely not worry, it’s totally normal these days for kids not to be trained until 3+. It makes not the slightest bit of difference if a child is trained at 18m, 2.5 or 3.5.

I waited until all mine had turned 3. They wouldn't have been ready before that. So, no, I don't think it's unusual that he hasn't 'got it' yet and don't think she needs to worry.

It's physiological. My older two weren't dry in the day until three and a half. But it worked pretty much immediately. The number of accidents they had was in single figures. Same thing at night - they were the best part of 6 when they stopped night nappies, but one wet the bed about once and I don't think the other ever did.

My son is 3 and not potty trained. No delays in any other areas, totally NT as far as we are aware.... I wasnt remotely worried until I saw this post lol!
We have all the potty stuff ready and he does sit on the potty before bed and do a wee. Hes done a couple of poos on it too.
But like your DN he doesnt seem to yet get the need to think about when he might want to go and go to the potty then. We did try him in pants and it just didnt work so I thought just wait until hes ready?
Im not fussed about it at all to be honest... I think boys in general train later and if you force it too much you can end up with big issues.

We started potty training the week of his 3rd birthday. Wee was cracked in 2 weeks, poos took longer.....
Don't understand why everyone is freaking out!!

It's towards the later end but not particularly unusual. What exactly are they freaking out over? If he's not ready he's not ready. He'll get there in the end.

I had one who was ready at two and one not ready until three and a half. The early one was a much bigger more physically developed child. It's really no big deal at all. When they are ready it only takes a short time.

It's quite a few stages if you break it down - they have to recognise the urge, hold on to it, and communicate their need. When people try to doo it too early it often results in a lot of accidents because the child hasn;t really quite got there developmentally.

And sometimes people are sort of badgered into it early because of the needs of childcare/ nursery /peer pressure rather than being able to wait until the child is ready.

I’ve had such a different experience with both my children.

My daughter, now 4 (5 in Sept) was so advanced and ready that we started 6 weeks before she was 2. We did 3 days in the house, by the end of the second day, she’s cracked it in the house. It was about 2 weeks before she cracked it when we were out. Then after about 2 months not even the occasional accident. She had one random on the May after, other than that none. She used to tell you if she needed to go.

My boy was 2 last September, with exams, holidays and Christmas we started in January. Exactly the same method. He absolutely will not tell you when he needs to go, so we took him to the toilet every half an hour or so and he does wee so I know he can hold it.
After 12 weeks of constant frustration I put him in pull ups, but treated them as pants. We’ve had progress this last week, he’s just started telling us he needs a wee. Not cracked it with the other ones yet though. But he must know, as he sneaks off to do them.

We’re back off holiday on 1st July and we are going to give it another shot.

I wouldn’t worry too much until after 3.

Both mine were 3 and a half.
Completely normal.

It's hardly abnormal, but summer is generally the best time to toilet train so she should really seize the opportunity over the next few months. Naked time is often effective for kids who aren't bothered by wet pants.

Neither of my kids were toilet trained at 3 (boy or girl). They both started around their 3rd birthdays and were all done quite quickly. No issue. What is the rush, if they are not ready its just stressful.

All four boys were after three. Tried two of them before and they just weren't ready. Shame on everyone putting pressure on your sister and child. (By the way two were closer to 4) Giba Ford book on potty training is great (some of it a bit strict so left that aside but great advice in general)

Sorry that was meant to be Gina Ford!

I work in a creche - its far from unusual in a nearly 3 year old not toilet trained yet, especially a boy who usually (i stress usually and not all) are slightly later than girls. I'd wait at least another six months. And tell everyone who asks I was too.

DD3 still had the odd daytime accident at four, and occasional night time accidents till seven. She's nearly nine now, and fine. I wouldn't worry.

Blue Uggs your post is rather smug. Every single child is different and as many find it hard, as do easy. The range of normal is between 2 and 5. It can be physical and psychological . For many toddlers it is a struggle and if parents get over anxious about it it makes it worse. Gina Ford is an idiot. Children are individuals not robots

My DS learnt at just over 3, in three days with the Gina Ford potty training book (after two previous attempts which were foisted on us by guilt trips from parents etc). The Gina Ford potty training book is not at all like her books on routines etc (I was more a baby whisperer devotee), but it gives v good tips and hints and help to keep you sane.
Studies in the US show that early potty training (pre age 3) has been linked to an increase in children having a big problem with long term constipation.
Push back on all the other people giving you Dsis grief, and wait until after his 3rd birthday

I thought Blue Uggs was being supportive?

Anyway, mine was just over three. Quite a few of her peers were trained earlier; some weren't. It's within the normal range.

My brother and I were potty trained really early, I think between 18 and 24 months. As a result, my DM really got on my case about training my DC. I didn’t listen to her as I knew my DC and knew when they were ready, didn’t wish to pressurise them.

They were all dry by 3.5 and at night time by 4.

DS had just turned 3 when he was potty trained. I tried earlier but he wasn’t ready and just didn’t get it. Tried again after he’d turned 3, he was dry in 2 days.