Should I contact exBIL to find out MIL’s MO?

[Farfarawayland]

Long story short, MIL is no longer welcome in my or my children’s lives. DH stands with us, his choice. The reasons for this state of affairs are many, suffice to say MIL isn’t a nice person.

About 10 years ago SIL (Mil’s daughter) split up with BIL. I believe this was facilitated by MIL because she disliked him. Since then MIL has done various things to try and wreck ExBIL’s life. I know this because she told me. For instance she rang his workplace to tell them about a sacking he had had years before. She knew through SIL he hadn’t told them and he was sacked because of it. She also tried to get him evicted and I remember her telling me she would stop his access to his daughter, but I don’t think that ever happened.

Now I’m the one in the firing line of this woman. Out of curiosity I looked at exBIL’s Facebook page to see what he was doing now. About six months ago he changed jobs and commented “the witch got me again”. I am sure MIL is still stalking him and he was referring to her causing trouble.

I am tempted to contact exBIL and ask what MIL has done, so I am forewarned. She has no “dirt” on me like she has on exBIL but I wouldn’t put it past her to call social services or whoever like she said she would with exBIL.

I haven’t spoken to exBIL for a decade though! We always got on, though DH didn’t like him much. Think there was solids with being the married-ins to a batshit family.

Why didn't DH like him?

I'm on the fence. I see why you want to. I do. But after a decade?

I would.
What is she doing to you though?

DH didn’t like him because MIL talked badly about him I guess (he was married to SIL before I was on the scene). Plus he was involved in the incident that got him sacked at work in the first place (bunch of them took stock home (stole) that was not logged anywhere or something. Hypocritical MIL received some of it via SIL but shopped him years later even though she was involved).

DH is the most honest person I have ever met and would have disliked him for that. I believe people can change though and this all happened long before my time.

So far MIL isn’t doing anything to me, I just know what she’s like, she’ll try something. She is writing nasty texts to DH. She told him to bring our children to her and when he ignored her she got abusive.

My mother does this to me and my siblings so while I'm not sure it's appropriate for you to speak to exBIL (who really needs to lock his social media profiles down) I could give you a rundown of vindictive things that she could do:
Contacts tax credits / benefits offices to claim income has increased triggering investigations
Contacts rspca regarding animal welfare
Contacts social services regarding dangerous animals around young children or children being neglected
Contacts people from the past on social media to try to get them to befriend us and report our lives back to her
Sets up fake social media profiles to try to befriend us
Contacts places of study (student finance) to claim income given to qualify for funding was incorrect
For her it's the inconvenience she gets a kick out off though if anything came of her spurious claims she'd be thrilled. Of course nothing ever does and everything is reported anonymously...

Lock your social media down, block her and any mutual friends. Make sure any financial assistance claims are above board and be prepared!

First question - is your SIL still in contact with MIL? Are they close, does your SIL take your MIL's word for everything?

IF so then it's a bit of a different scenario and I don't think you would gain much by contacting BIL.

If, otoh, your SIL was pretty low contact with MIL as well and MIL still did all this to exBIL, then yes, contact him and find out as much as you can.

My point is that, as your DH is currently ok with the low-contact situation, then he's less likely to listen to any bollocks that his mother comes out with. Yes she might still try her stupid tricks, but if you've nothing to hide then she'll not get very far.

Thanks. Luckily no benefits or financial assistance of any kind and she only vaguely knows our job details.

I don’t know if SIL is still in contact with MIL but she hasn’t seen exBIL in years. The only link is their daughter whom MIL gets information from (she told me she “tricks it out of her”) to try and harm exBIL.

It’s not a matter of DH believing, he wouldn't believe, it’s a matter of social services ot whoever believing. I want to be prepared for what she will do.

Anyone else?

I wouldn't contact your exBIL. Your MIL could try and get back at you in many and various ways, she'll just pick on what she can and it won't be related to what she did to your ExBIL I think. Your situation doesn't equate to ExBILs so I wouldn't go there at all as I don't think you'll shed any light on it. You also risk the fact that you have asked/contacted your ExBIL getting back to her via the daughter. I think the less information you disseminate the less chance she has something on you. Keep information off social media, lock down your profiles, be vague about work, there's no reason to tell her the company for example.