Funeral arrangements messed up. Not sure what to do.... Help

[hazeljade]

I am arranging a funeral for my Nan and her husband gave permission in writing for me to arrange a funeral. That day we picked up the medical certificate, registered the death, approached the funeral directors, signed the release forms and green form and made payment for her funeral. We wrote to her husband to let him know what was going to happened and its exactly as he wanted. Two days later he changes his mind and now wants to do everything and has instructed another funeral directors. He is also going to be the executor of the will if he decides to go ahead with probate. We were going to sort out an internment of the ashes. He stated he won't give us the ashes until he has had them to himself for a period of time and an acquaintance overheard him saying we're going to get the cat's ashes, not the actual ones. As we have the forms in our names and we don't want him to arrange the funeral, the undertakers are now getting cold feet and want legal confirmation, despite us doing everything to arrange things already. We're getting full legal advice shortly, however I wondered if anyone has had any similar experiences or knows of anyone who has and what to do about it.

I’ve never arranged a funeral so don’t know much about the ins n outs. Who takes precedence?. Sounds a nightmare though.
Why has he changed his mind.

If he is her next of kin and has removed his permission I don't think you will have the legal right to arrange the funeral. It will be why the funeral directors are getting very cold feet.

My only suggestion would be to work with him and listen to what he wants. He will be the closest person to her and likely to be in a state of shock and grief.

What an odd situation. I'd think if he gave you permission to do all this, then he also has the right to revoke it. As her spouse, he's her next of kin.

I have very strong suspicion that a family member tried to initiate funeral arrangements when my Dad died. I don’t doubt that it was done with the best of intentions. Said I ther party tended to think I was too young and too female to deal with life. But he was my Dad and I wanted to do that (we were close and he was the loveliest man). When I contacted the funeral directors they sounded confused to start with then asked some questions about whether I was definitely the only next of kin. Then they just dealt with me. Other party got the hump and we still have a strained relationship 20 yrs later, which is a bit sad.

So, my advice is to leave well alone. If the DH wants to do it, butting out is probably the way forward.

I don’t understand why he can’t do it and keep your nans ashes?

I'm so sorry for your loss.
What a dreadful mess.