I have been in a job I love for some years. I have been offered another job which, on paper, is good. More money, more prestige etc. I know in terms of career progression it probably makes sense but its slightly breaking my heart to think about leaving because I've been very happy where I am and my managers have been very accommodating of me. I told boss of my intention to leave and boss appeared upset and is working hard to persuade me not to.
There's a subtext to this: I have had an on and off (much more off than on) fling with a colleague which has been difficult for me and made my life quite uncomfortable. There's been no huge fallout or drama and on the surface this is not a huge problem: we are both single and superficially it was all a bit of fun -- for numerous reasons there was no possibility of things being taken further or becoming official - and our relationship is now professional and cordial but we are no longer friends. This is difficult and painful for me and has made me feel quite isolated from the workplace social environment because it is now effectively impossible for us to socialise together and it has created a bit of a social gulf at work. I have thought for a while that I would need to move in order to put this situation behind me, now an opportunity has come up.
I have not talked about this to anyone at work although I think a couple of people are vaguely aware. But I think people would be surprised to hear it was something which was making me sufficiently anxious and upset that I want to leave.
Now the whole question of my leaving or not is couched in terms of money and career progression and I feel I have disappointed and potentially upset people who have been very good to me. I know all's fair in love, war and hiring etc and I'm well within my rights to leave, but I feel shit for leaving a company which has treated me very well and not explaining the full reason. There are other reasons for leaving, but this is a significant one.
The question is, do I confide in my boss that there is more to this than meets the eye? On the pro side I feel like it would be honest and kind and would help maintain good relations with people who have treated me well and now presumably see me as very disloyal. On the con side I'm not sure really who it benefits except to provide me with some sort of catharsis there's nothing anyone else can do about the situation except me and the other person concerned and I risk making myself look unprofessional and a bit whiny. I would not plan to talk in detail about what has happened or to identify the person but if I said I had a personal issue with someone in the office it would be fairly easy to put two and two together.
Should I explain this personal element or should I just walk on and take my secret to the grave?