MIL/SIL at me again

[chasingdonuts]

Basically, long story short, huge argument with DP and his DM & DS, which led to NC. I still spoke to MIL with updates on our baby etc. DP was fine with this.

We all met up and sorted everything out, happy days and all friends again.

So the other night my BIL and his girlfriend invited me, DP and DC on a day out the following day, which we accepted. We got there and I asked where SIL was, we then got told they hadn't been asked. I thought nothing much of it as I knew our niece would be at school and we see them a lot anyway.

We had a lovely day, however when we got home I got a message from MIL asking if we'd all been out, I replied yes, it was a last minute arrangement.

This then led to MIL insisting I make no effort, I'm unloyal etc.. which I don't understand as it wasn't me who arranged the bloody day out! I replied saying I was extremely sorry, I was unaware that SIL hadn't been asked and we can arrange something soon. I then got no reply.

I then informed DP of what had been said, who told his mum that she was being unreasonable having a go at me and if she was going to message anyone about it, it should've been him.

This led to an argument between them and I received a message from MIL along the lines of "thanks for telling him, I've now been had a go at by x, thanks a lot"

I've now had posts on social media directed at me calling me a snake & various other things.

I really didn't want to argue, I feel awful that she wasn't asked, but again.. it wasn't me who organised it! I tried to message SIL to apologise if we'd upset her, but she's blocked me on everything.

I feel absolutely awful that she was upset, however it was a last minute plan that me and DP were invited to.

Aibu to think that this whole drama and argument is completely unnecessary?!

Wow I didn't realise how long that was, sorry!

Sounds like you're their punch bag. I would steer well clear.

If I was your DH and my mum had spoken to you like that, I would be fuming

Oh god, they’re a bunch of drama llamas 🙄

Leave it to your dp to deal with, they sound like a pita. You’ve got nothing to apologise for.

Brilliant! The crazies have blocked you! Result.

So you didn't arrange it, had no idea who was going but you have been blamed for your sil not been invited?
They sound mental. I would keep my distance tbh, they all sound too much like hard work to me.

Thanks everyone!

@Dobbythesockelf yep apparently it's all my fault, yet again 🙄

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks they're crazy, they are a very dramatic family, I'm glad my DP is on my side!

I like the sound of your DH. The others, not so much! I would embrace the blocking with feelings of joy and freedom. You deserve more.

@SandAndSea thank you, he's ace! I just feel like I have enough to worry about without all this drama. I do feel bad, but then again I think why do I feel bad? Because I've actually done nothing wrong! I just hate upsetting anybody, id never intentionally upset anyone

Blimey, they sound exhausting! I'd leave them to their 'issues', they might grow up eventually...

OP, I know what you mean but sometimes people need a nip back. Being nice, sadly, doesn't always command respect.

Goodness! Perhaps your DH was perfectly reasonable to be NC with his DM and you should have all stuck to it? Your MIL does seem to be rather hard work if you accepting an invitation is enough to set her off.

Those two would rather have a go at you than tackle BIL. Thankfully DP stood up for you. Well, now they are blocking you. Result! Don't waste energy feeling guilty when you did nothing wrong.

Thank you everyone, I'm sick of being walked all over by them. The more I think about it, the angrier I'm getting. I don't know how much more I can take, I think until I get an apology (if that ever happens) I'll just ignore all future messages, or even say something back along the lines of "look I'm sorry x hadn't been asked, if you should be having a go at anyone it should be BIL. now unless you have an apology for me, please direct your abusive messages somewhere else"

The thing that annoys me most, is they go on various day trips, weekends away etc together, without inviting DP and me and we've never said anything apart from "have a lovely time, send me the pictures when you're back!" Which is why this whole thing is so annoying.

Get the BIL to set them her straight and make sure she knows it is not your fault. The BIL really needs to come to your rescue with this.

@SalemBlackCat the thing is, they're fully aware that it was him who organised it, which is why it's so frustrating and unnecessary. I think I'm an easy target

You spent too much time and effort apologising. It feeds into the drama.

You won’t get an apology, so I wouldn’t ask for one. I’d keep my distance and if anything like this happens again, just be civil and DON’T say sorry.

For example in this situation, I’d have responded to MILs initial text with ‘BIL arranged the day out, hopefully he’ll give SIL enough notice on future trips. You might have to remind him though ‘

And if she comes back with more, you can have a generic stock response ‘It’s a shame you feel that way’

Just ignore them. You have done nothing wrong. Nor, for that matter, has BIL.

Batshit crazy. Go back to NC and don’t let these arseholes rent headspace anymore. Let your DH deal with the loons.

they will have a go at you if the sun dont shine

cut contact you dont need that

If mil/ sil want to have a go I don’t understand why bil not getting the flack for not inviting them. Families eh? They are a nightmare. I’m in similar situation at the moment. Just stay nc for a while. It will sort itself out. Well done to your DH for telling em straight.

have you spoken to BIL about it?

Fuck them all off, they are a bunch of drama loving cunts.

Why on earth would you feel bad about this?

I've now cut all contact, today they've continued arguing with me and said some awful things about my baby, along the lines of she's nothing great. My baby is only a few months old. No contact from me now, say what you like about me, but bringing our baby into this is just sick in my opinion. Onwards and upwards for me and DP, we're better than this! Thanks to everyone who replied

Just read your update and I would block the lot of them all means of communications with them, whats app, fakebook and mobile phone. Don't back down let DP know that he can have a relationship with them, but under no circumstances will you or your child/children with have a relationship with them.

Let them get on with their drama llama family events, you are not the family punch bag.