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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if ex won't cooperate ds will have to give up this sport

11 replies

MrsCarroway · 06/06/2018 21:58

Ds does a sport that ex loves - ex got him into it and now coaches on the team etc. All good. The problem is, at the relevant time of year it takes up an awful lot of time. For some reason, ds plays in 3 age group teams, which means at least 2 matches a week.

Ex only has the dc on Mondays, but we have an agreement that he takes ds to any weekday matches because I simply can't - he doesn't really work, just odd hours and I am a f/t teacher. I can't spend 3 hours a night 2/3 a week hanging around at these places, and the venues are far and wide, and it would also mean lugging ds2 with me to hang around too (he has no interest in this sport.) Also, since ex is involved in the coaching, it's hardly doing me a favour as he'd be going anyway.

We've had a few issues since this season started - for the first week ex failed to give ds tea and was dropping him off at 9pm not having eaten since lunchtime, or no more than a quick snack. I made it clear this had to stop. He also forgets stuff that ds needs for school the next day, like shoes, other bits of uniform etc. When that has happened I have rung and asked him to drop it round and, up until now he has done so (lives 3 minute drive away!).

Tonight he dropped ds off with no school uniform - I have some that is in the wash, and the rest must all be at ex's. He needed to bring at least one set here, but he hasn't. I rang him and he went off on one, saying I needed to come and collect it for a change. Apart from why should I, as I didn't forget it, ds2 is asleep and I'm not prepared to leave the house without him knowing. And why should I? He then hung up on me, meaning I have had to put a wash on and now, when I want to fall into bed, I have to wait for it to finish to put tumble drier on and will need to iron it in the fucking morning.

My life is so ridiculously busy and stressful and it's little yet enormous things like this that tip it over into unmanageable. I have actually been crying, which is ridiculous. He pays nothing, I sort everything, this sport is his thing so surely it could be the one thing he sorts properly. And I do realise ds is old enough to be a bit more organised (11), but he is actually very good and ex is fucking adult. Anyway, there is another match tomorrow.

I know IBU but I feel like saying if tomorrow isn't better, he'll have to cut it to one match per week? I can't actually do that, so how can I cope with this for another 7 weeks?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 06/06/2018 22:01

He pays nothing? Why?!

CMS. And then a few extra uniforms can be bought, for a start...

MrsCarroway · 06/06/2018 22:03

CMS are useless - case ongoing, but if/when I finally get it it will be a pittance anyway as he barely works. I buy endless uniform, but no matter how much I get, shit like this happens because of logistics - it seems to end up in the wrong place. I have sobbed searching through a mountain of clean stuff that was ALL Ds2's. How??!

OP posts:
ArnoldBee · 06/06/2018 22:05

Clearly you have higher standards than me as I havent ironed for about 20 years but that's not exactly the issue here is it? It's an accumulation of things and you need more co-operation from your child and your ex.

user1471530109 · 06/06/2018 22:05

Yanbu. Obviously.
I do feel your pain. I'm a ft teacher, single with 2 DC and a fucking useless exh too. He also seems to pinch all their uniform. I'm sick of fucking buying more!

I think the sport sounds a little obsessive. My eldest does a fair few extracurricular evening clubs. But they are all v local (think cubs etc). It's bad enough dealing with a younger DC in reception with a late bedtime because of it. But traveling too? No way.
Wine

maskingtape · 06/06/2018 22:08

Your son needs to remember his uniform.

Fucksgiven · 06/06/2018 22:10

Could your ds1 take responsibility for his stuff? Bring it home, make sure it's washed etc in return for how much hassle his sport is? If not then something has to give and all those matches are hard to sustain

CheeseyToast · 06/06/2018 22:12

I'd give it up. As you say, it's the extra little things that tip the family from peaceful to stressful and on balance, it just isn't worth it. I know your son loves his sport but you and the other child matter too. Or at least he can cut down to one team; 3 is ridiculous.

celtiethree · 06/06/2018 22:13

How old are your DC?

Noodledoodledoo · 06/06/2018 22:16

Is your son at Primary or Secondary - I would hand over the uniform responsibility to him. At secondary he is likely to get the consequences which might make him more responsible for not leaving things behind.

I would reduce his involvement if he can't get organised.

clippityclock · 06/06/2018 22:17

How old are your children? Surely they are able to grab their own school uniform and bring it home.

3 teams is ridiculous and I'd simply tell him unless his Dad takes him then he can't go. The balls in his Dads court then and he either steps up or doesn't.

jelliebelly · 06/06/2018 22:26

How old is ds? I presume you're talking about cricket - my ds (12) also plays and could pretty much play 5 nights a week this time if year if he wanted to but you have to draw the line somewhere! We share lifts with other parents so one drops off and the other collects - I certainly don't sit around for 3 hours watching him!

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