to think that it'll never get better?

[LittleMissPiano]

I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder. My colleagues were talking about anxiety at work today and stated that it wasn't really an 'illness' as we all experience it. I stayed out of it and left the room. My anxiety rules my life. If someone doesn't respond to a message I think they hate me, I can't walk down the street without constantly looking over my shoulder as I feel like I'm about to be stabbed or assaulted, I can't sleep without noise as I can't bare to be alone with my thoughts, I constantly worry about how I will cope when my dad dies (he is 55 and healthy), I'm pregnant and worry that I will be an awful mother, I obsess over every little thing I do wrong, I struggle to concentrate. I'm a mess. I've been a mess since my best friend was murdered, and I don't feel like I can get better.

I've had counselling from three different people, it never worked. I tried CBT, nothing. I've tried mindfulness. I've tried medication. Nothing helps. I just want my anxiety to at least lessen.

AIBU to think I'm going to be like this forever and to wonder what the point in even trying is? I'm at the end of my tether and don't know what to do. Any advice would be kindly appreciated.

I had bad anxiety years ago. It is a recoverable condition. Small goals, small steps.

I’m no psychiatrist but I wonder if you maybe have PTSD? It sounds like you’ve been through a very traumatic event and you say it’s been bad since then?

@Storm4star I might do. I was sent a photo of my friend's body after she had been killed. She was unrecognisable. This image floats around my head and I don't know how to cope anymore. I feel like my life is completely ruined.

What an awful thing to happen for both of you. It sounds like you have PTSD. Please, see your GP and get help

@UpstartCrow I've seen my gp so many times. They put me on medication which did nothing but make me sick. They send me to a counselling service which was just box ticking. I was told by a psychologist that the only way I would get decent care is if I pay for good private care which I just can't afford. I don't normally reach lows like this but I'm at rock bottom. I will look in to PTSD.

That’s awful, I agree with upstart, go back to your GP and tell them everything you’ve said here. If they’re just treating you for “generic” anxiety no wonder it’s not helping. Maybe also contact victim support. They’re not just for direct victims but anyone affected by such a horrendous crime. I’m sorry you’re going through all this.

Sorry, I’m terrible for cross posting with people! Contact victim support. They can help with referrals for good services that could really help.

@Storm4star why is it that someone on the internet can give such good advice re victim support but my gp just whacks me on Prozac and tells me to see a shrink? Thank you

I would try and see a clinical psychologist if I was you

Your welcome. Yes unfortunately I think it can be really hard to find a good GP who really listens. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through but I think everything you’re feeling is understandable. Once you get some decent support you will be able to see a way forward.

@user322332233223 that is just so much easier said than done unless you have a lot of money...

I've had anxiety - generally thinking the tube will blow up, DP won't come home, I'm evil, I don't love people - loads of intrusive random, stressful thoughts. I'm not over it but honestly the biggest help to me? Learning embroidery!

Sounds weird but it's like a mindfulness exercise, silence, practice, repetitive and achievement. I'm addicted now and feel much calmer.