To want to jack it all in?

[CandleWithHair]

1. Fuck off Daily Mail you fascist rag

Ok, I may get flamed/accused of the tight diamond shoes thing, but this is my predicament and it is making me miserable.

I am in a high paid job in central London. I have excellent job security and, if I applied myself, could probably go even further. But. I fucking hate it. I get no joy out of it at all and resent my two hour commute.
My job is not really transferable unless I wanted to end up in a similar role, which I really don’t.

I have no mortgage, no husband (divorced) and no kids - I’m late 30s so the latter is unlikely to change in the future + history of miscarriage and unexplained infertility anyway.
I have a great savings nest egg (equivalent to almost 3 years salary).
I also have no idea what I could or might want to do instead, but my current job is making me so miserable I feel like I’m squandering my life.

Can anyone relate to my situation and/or give me some advice? I went to a career change coaching session but everyone else seems to at least have an inkling what they’d like to do instead.

All I can think is that I want lots of free time, no commute, no pressure/stress and enough of an income for the odd holiday and so not to need to deplete my savings too much.

Reading this back, I sound like such a dick. I don’t know why I can’t figure this out.

Advice/head wobbles/biscuits all gratefully received.

You are not a dick OP! There is nothing morally wrong with realising your career doesn't suit you any more!

(Are you a lawyer by any chance? Only I know lots who feel like you do!)

Do you have no mortgage because you own your home outright? Or because you rent? Because what I think you should do is take a nice sabbatical of 6 months and do what you love - travel, visit friends, learn a language, do a course - whatever lights your fire. It will eat up a little of your savings but not a crazy amount if you aren't paying London rents.

And while you're having 6 months of pure joy, take some time to work out what's next away from the pressure of your job and the stress of feeling you need to escape.

I wish you all the best, and I hope you find true happiness!

You sound burned out. I'd say you sound like you need a total break to regain perspective and then start thinking about what your options are. Coaching will be more useful to you once you're ready to start thinking about what you could do instead of what you definitely don't want to do. And if you have a savings buffer, now's the time.

I'm in the same position as you. Late thirties, mortgage free although saving for a house to rent out. Unsure of my next career move. I've been in healthcare for many years but not sure if it's right for me now. Also not sure if i want to do the same role elsewhere.

You're not a dick, you're just not happy.

You have the financial security to be able to take a bit of time off and just 'be'. You could enrol on a course, you could travel, you could move away for 6 months to a city you've always fancied. Just do it. Spend time with people you love, go and travel around visiting folk you've not seen since Uni, go on weekends away with friends til you feel free of the 'ugh it's monday again' grind. Obviously try not to burn your bridges with work in case you ever need a foot back in the door, but don't spend the next 40 years in a job you don't enjoy. It's such a waste of every day.

Really wouldn't jack it all in just yet. How about you take a break - say 6 months unpaid leave if you can and do something totally different. Maybe something like working for a charity overseas or learn to dive or whatever. Then decide what you'd like to do - it could be burn out and you'll fall in love with the job all over again or maybe you jack it all in.

I would probably go travelling for a year. You could do anything get a camper van and go on a road trip, go on a worldwide adventure ECT and just relax and have fun. and reavaluate what you want to do. By the sounds of it you would still have enough when you get back to last while you sorted new job ECT out. Good luck in whatever you decide

If you earn decent money why don't you live near work and cut out the commute?

I don’t have any wise advice but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re wanting. Life’s too short to be so unhappy and while money is great (I enjoy eating and being able to pay my rent), it can’t buy everything and you can’t take it with you either.

I love the first poster’s advice. I did something vaguely similar and fell into another field. I still don’t LOVE my job, but I’m a lot happier. Do it!

With your nest egg and no dependents, I’d jack the job in, take a month long holiday somewhere hot, come back refreshed and set about looking for something I think I’d like nearer to home, or retrain in something completely different.

do you have hobbies or interests? what kinds of things did/do you enjoy? what was your favourite subject at school?

Thanks for the replies. It’s reassuring, and scary, to hear so many people suggest I should do what I’ve been thinking about for quite a while.
I’m one of life’s great procrastinators, combined with not being a natural risk taker that means that I tend to ostrich a bit when there are big decisions to be made.

I would love to take a career break but fear is definitely holding me back, plus not really knowing what order I need to tackle it in. It seems like a massive terrifying thing to do, I suppose I need to figure out what the stages are and tackle them bit by bit?

Buy yourself the book "feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers. It helped me conquer my fears to leave my job and travel the world solo !

Op you are in many peoples dream scenario....make the most of it, you are so young, loads of time to get back into the rat race.

If you want to travel, do it, if you want to start a creative business do it, live by the sea and read, just do it.

Of course you don't need to lose all your security, say give yourself a years sabatical and make a firm decision then on further training or starting something,

Keep back half your savings too and plan to have committed to something by the time you have spent the first half.

When l was 28 l left in a small profitable business, l had built up over 7 years, rented out my house and bought a round the world ticket for 6 months.

Best memories of my life and really clarified what l wanted out of life next. Now tied with 2 Dcs, married, etc I am so glad l did the travelling when l could.
As long as you leave enough savings to get you back into something later, go and explore your interests.

I am excited for you!

Quit and go travelling. It'll be the best decision you ever make. Go for it.

You don't sound like a dick. I hate my job to the point of misery but I have two DC so have to hang on in there.
In your position I would take 1 years worth of those savings and travel/live abroad for a year. You'd still have lots of savings left and you never know what will happen once you are away and putting yourself in new situations. Change is a brilliant thing and you sound burnt out and fed up

The job is not the problem (just my opinion). You're in an enviable position having a well paid job and job security you really are! This is not the same for so many people out there. You're not squandering your life you're squandering your opportunities.You could afford to get into property development or other lucrative sideline but where's the sense of meaning and purpose and making a difference or doing something worthwhile or helpful in life. No wonder you feel the way you do since doing your job and managing your finances isn't cutting it for you. You could do something to help less fortunate souls, take up a new hobby or interest, be creative, write a novel etc. The options are a plenty. However, you need love in your life. If you don't love your job, love the journey, love the people you work with then you're going to have to find something you do love about it or grow to love. Alternatively start doing something in your free time which you do love or enjoy. Or find someone to love and who loves you back and in the future you can make the decisions together about what is best for the future. Hope this makes sense - it's just my opinion. I think you feel like you have a problem and it may not be the one you've identified and problems can be like onions - as you peel back the skin of the problem, there are other facets of the problem in the layers beneath but hopefully decreasing in severity. Your solution is within you.

You didn't answer the question as to whether you own your home outright or you've been renting when you say you have no mortgage. Answers could be hugely different based on this.

OP - you don’t sound like a dick. You sound awesome. In fact, you sound like a far less dickish version of the chick from Eat, Pray, Love. Can you please write a version of this for someone who is not into Hippie Shit for Rich Arseholes? I’d totally buy it. I want fulfilment without the jargon or trips to third world countries. I can see the beauty and pain and every day struggles around me wherever I am. It’s not that hard. I digress...

Take a sabbatical. From your job. From your life. Learn a language, a dance, a skill - all of the above.... go somewhere related to this. Ie - art & cooking in Umbria, (highly recommended, btw).... Trekking in Nepal, whatever interests you. Something challenging.
You will come back either with a better idea about what you want to do with your life or a newfound appreciation for your job. X

Gosh you lot are awesome, thank you for all the support! And you’re all spot on in your own ways, especially @lahoob - are you available for life coaching by any chance? There is a very distinct lack of love in my life and I think that’s a huge part of how I feel about everything right now. I want to find something to be passionate about (less bothered about the someone bit right now, but I’m not against it either!)

@justilou I have had in my head that I could be like a less enlightened EPL (and so hopefully less annoying!). Travel is a big passion of mine, but I’m not sure I’d want to pack up and leave for a really long period (especially as I have two cats who’d be pretty pissed off with me if I did), but could do a bunch of shorter trips, and maybe squeeze some classes or courses in between.

@shatnerswig, yes I do own my house outright. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s all mine. I’m not a lawyer but my current career is pretty niche.

@tenredthings that book sounds good! I’ve ordered a copy

My SIL is a mental health nurse, and has absolutely burnt out. She's got divorced and lost her father in the last few years and on top of the kids leaving home, health scares and work stress, she just felt she's lost who she is. She was advised to go onto anti depressants by her GP but felt that wasn't the magic answer.

So she's using her inheritance, has handed her notice in and has bought a camper van. She's touring the UK for a year, has rented her house to a friend and is just taking some much needed time and space for her.

I'm deeply envious to be honest. Life is a gift, and we have to make the most of every moment. It's too short to be unhappy.

In which case, whatever you decide to do, owning your property gives you a definite element of security and knowledge you don't need to earn shed loads of money.

18 years ago I was earning £26k at the age of 26 in PR working silly hours quite often. I now earn £20k in a totally different field that I have been in for 13 years - in the same role at the same place. I have a nice flat with a small mortgage of £315 a month, a perfectly good car, can afford to do pretty much what I want, have £16k of savings, an OK pension. I couldn't do three luxury holidays a year but can certainly afford to go abroad and have some UK weekends away - but choose not to as I am single.

I am SO much happier and healthier as a result.

DO IT! You won't regret it one bit. And if you need a travel companion, shout!

I just wanted to update to say thanks again for the encouraging words. I have now got a mini plan, first steps anyway. I have three months notice, so I am going to hand that in Aug 31st to see the year out (and build up my savings a little more), then 2019 will be ALL MINE.

I’ve told my parents and my closest friends now too, and they’re all wondering why I didn’t do this a while ago 😂. I’m going to try to find some kind of mentor/sponsor to keep me accountable to my goals and I’m considering starting a blog, to be a record of this all for me as much as anything. I can’t tell you how much lighter I feel knowing there’s a semi plan forming now!