May I have some perspective on this please?

[mckenzie]

DD was invited to the Summer Time Ball, ages ago when it first came out.

There is a big athletics meet on the same day as the Summer Time Ball and DD is very good at 1 particular event and school want her to be entered.

We declined as she had already accepted the invite to the STB and the timings do not allow her to do both.

She is at an athletics meet this afternoon and she is being given a really hard time for choosing the STB over the athletics meet.

I think that if she goes to the athletics event instead of the STB she is being rude to the people who have invited her. You don't just change your mind if something better come along do you?

You are right.

Agreed.

I think you're right as well. What does she want? Does she want to go to the STB over athletics?

If you've accepted, it's a done deal imo.

Agreed.

You are right. And the STB is brilliant- plus tickets are £80ish so not cheap.

Schools can be a bit blinkered in their view on the priority their students should place on sporting events. It's not on that she's being put under pressure when she has a pre existing commitment.

I would just say to the athletics people that it's such a shame that tickets for the summer ball were on sale before the date of the sports event was known.

If they don't give plenty of notice they have to accept that some people will have made plans already.

I'm going to go against the prevailing view here-

I don't see representing your school as "taking a better offer"
it's not like she'd rather go to a party.

What does your DD want to do?
Is she serious about the sport?

You don't just change your mind if something better come along do you?

I don't see it as simple as that...

You’re right.
Who’s pressurising her? I’m assuming she’s a child, tell whoever it is to back off and deal with you if they've got a problem.

My answer was predicated on the assumption that your DD wants to go to the ball btw.

You're absolutely right. Changing her mind now would be spectacularly rude.

Actually, on the other hand, I wouldn’t let my DD commit to something and then change their mind if something else better came along because it isn’t ok to let people down.
Whoa, I’ll be back just as soon as I’ve got these splinters out of my arse

Thank you for all the replies. When DD and I spoke about it when we discovered the clash she was adamant that she wanted to stick with her accepted invite to the STB.
She is a people pleaser though and I'm pretty sure when I pick her up shortly she will be really upset about all this and will want to split herself in two and try and do both.

It's possible to do, if she can be a bit late for the STB but I don't know whether that will work with the people who have invited her and with the venue.

off to collect DD. Update later

I was correct about DD being upset with the reaction from the head of sport.
We spoke about trying to do both but once DD heard what a palaver it will probably be she said she would rather keep it as is, ie, no county athletics and she keeps her acceptance of the STB invite.
(DD is Year 8 by the way)

People who are passionate about something, or are results-driven, such as competitive sportspeople, will only see this situation from one perspective: theirs. They will see only what drives them, nothing else. Therefore, in their eyes, the athletics meet takes precedence over good manners or personal choice, and certainly over something as trivial and unimportant as a party. Doesn't mean that what is right for them is right for your dd.