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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My child not getting any gifts

26 replies

ALiensAbductedMe · 06/06/2018 17:44

I think I actually am being unreasonable but I am irked....
DD is in year 6. There are 9 girls in her class, she is the youngest. Because there are so few they all buy birthday gifts for each other, usually only something small for a fiver or less. DD enjoys the build up of choosing, buying and wrapping gifts each time. On Monday it was DDs birthday. Not a single gift from any of them. She has said she doesn't mind but I know she is hurt. There is nothing I can do about it but aibu to think this is out of order? They all knew it was her birthday because it had been discussed and she took sweets in for the class, as they all do. I just feel as for her, I don't think she is particularly unpopular, more that she is quiet and often overlooked because of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
ALiensAbductedMe · 06/06/2018 17:46

Also, all the girls parents know that we do this and so I would have hoped they would have ensured this didn't happen. The parents know it was her birthday as a few wished her a happy birthday when they saw her giving out sweets.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/06/2018 17:46

That’s awful Sad. Poor kid.

Cadencia · 06/06/2018 17:48

I'm really surprised about this. Could you quietly ask one of the other mums if she knows why?

Jozxyqk · 06/06/2018 17:49

Are the gifts given at a birthday party, & did the other girls have one, did you do one?

I do agree it seems a bit unfair though, unless you're missing some crucial factor out. Was there a falling out between the group? Is there any bullying that you're aware of?

Fruitcorner123 · 06/06/2018 17:49

Poor her that's rubbish. A bit weird as well that everyone forgot. Have you asked her why she thinks it is. Does she have a best friend or closer circle?

Empoweredwomenempowerwomem · 06/06/2018 17:49

😩 your poor dd
I hope she’s ok

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 06/06/2018 17:50

Can you say something to the teacher. Do you think they have excluded her for a reason? It has obviously been discussed amongst the other pupils if not one gave her a present.
So sorry for your Dd and good on her for putting a brave face on it

UnderthePalms · 06/06/2018 17:51

Yanbu

Original poster
ALiensAbductedMe · 06/06/2018 17:53

No parties, they are apparently too cool and old for parties now. DD thinks they forgot on the day as first day back and rather than get something just though 'oh well' No big falling out, usual girl things but generally ok. Often they 'forget' DD. She is a good few months younger than the rest and not so into fashion and boys as the rest. But she seems to do ok, have girls to play with etc.

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 06/06/2018 17:53

Say what to the teachers? I can understand the upset but you can't force people to buy you presents.

WhiteHartLane · 06/06/2018 17:54

YANBU. I agree with pp about speaking to one of the other Mums though. Did she recieve gifts from them last year on her birthday?

Jozxyqk · 06/06/2018 18:02

I'd mention it, casually, to one or two of the other mums. Hopefully they'll have the grace to realise it needs sorting.

Original poster
ALiensAbductedMe · 06/06/2018 18:37

Yes last year she got gifts but she had a party/meal out so they bought them then.

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 06/06/2018 18:40

I think the person suggesting sleak to the teachers means ask if there have been any falling out or issues.

If she took in sweets and the parents are aware I am surprised none of them felt guilty and brought in a late present. I certainly would have.

trumpetoftheswan · 06/06/2018 18:42

You're not unreasonable to be upset. I agree that it's quite shocking that none of the girls reminded their parents and vice versa. My dd is the same age and I can't imagine her forgetting a friend's birthday, and I think she'd feel very hurt if they forgot hers.

If there are parents that you feel comfortable bringing it up with, I would to be honest. Not because I'd particularly want them to buy her a late gift - the hurt has been done now - but just to let them know that it didn't go unnoticed.

moredoll · 06/06/2018 18:49

Say what to the teachers?

If giving small gifts is the established custom not giving them is exclusion, which is how girls often bully. Its can be difficult for teachers to spot. That might not be the case here. They might have simply forgotten after the holidays, but I'd be giving the teacher the heads up.

CristalTipps · 06/06/2018 19:19

If she has a birthday that falls on an awkward date organize a party for her every year from now on to make sure she's not forgotten. There's still time? Maybe you could make up some invitations tonight and let her take them in tomorrow to do something on the weekend?

Notcontent · 06/06/2018 19:26

Your poor dd. That's the problem with these type of things. My dd is in year 7 at a girls school and they seem to do this kind of thing - bringing in presents, organising a surprise in class time, etc. Nothing was done for my dd's birthday and she was pretty hurt.

petrolpump28 · 06/06/2018 19:43

absolutely horrible. Year 6 girls, I'm sorry sometimes not nice.

Fizzymama · 06/06/2018 19:54

Ah that's bloody awful OP i feel really upset for your DD. Hope she's ok.

Neolara · 06/06/2018 19:59

So do the others give gifts on each child's birthday and give another present at their party? Of it's just one present, maybe your dd will get something if she has a party..

Neolara · 06/06/2018 20:00

Sorry. Ignore my previous post. Just seen they are too cool for parties.

YearOfYouRemember · 06/06/2018 20:02

My dd buys presents for her friends birthdays. She rarely gets anything back as she's an August baby. It's not that she wants presents but that I feel sad the other dcs can't put the effort in.

BottleOfJameson · 06/06/2018 20:21

Of course YANBU. If they did it for the others how cruel not to do it for the last one! It's not about the present but feeling left out.

Boffin90 · 06/06/2018 20:25

Poor lamb, that’s awful.
She sounds like a very thoughtful child.

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