To think surely this isn't normal?!

[StormcloakNord]

Work is making me sick. I know most people don't really enjoy having to work and it can be a bit of a drag but this doesn't feel like that.

I wake up in the morning feeling sick with dread that I have to get ready and go to work, the stress from it is making me exhausted. My eyes are red and puffy and I'm not sleeping properly and massively overeating.

I work at the same desk as a colleague who used to be a close friend of mine but events from a few months ago sort of cut the friendship. It was the only thing that made coming into work bearable.

I'm underpaid and because of the dynamic set in the office I can't will myself to ask for a pay rise. I get paid 5 grand less than one of the admin staff and I'm supposed to be a manager.

It's a badly run company, but I started here when I was just 18 (so 7 yrs ago) and as I said the "friendly, everyone is pals" dynamic in the office makes it impossible for me to raise issues I have.

I know people will come on and say that I need to tell someone, is there a HR team I can advise etc but there is none of that here. It's a small company with a small number of people and I'm just not a strong enough person to ask for more money or better working conditions.

I don't even know what I'm asking for, or why I'm posting but if I don't get it out somewhere I will end up having a breakdown and my family don't need that.

It's a badly run company, but I started here when I was just 18 (so 7 yrs ago) and as I said the "friendly, everyone is pals" dynamic in the office makes it impossible for me to raise issues I have.

It's not impossible. It's just difficult. I don't want to minimise your anxiety about it but I think it would help you to acknowledge that there isn't anything stopping you addressing this other than your own anxiety.

If you truly feel you can't raise your concerns then you will need to find another job. But there is no guarantee you wouldn't have the same problems. Resolving stress and conflict and addressing problems in the work place are inevitable parts of any job.

Do you receive any help for your anxiety? Talking therapy can be life changing in this regard (I speak from experience here). Is this something you would consider to help you manage better?

I know, @MyOtherUsernameisaPun - I know it's entirely my fault that I'm unable to speak up about these things but no matter how hard I try and steel myself to do it I can't.

I feel if I was to get another job I could walk in with a professional attitude and make myself speak up about certain things, I could ask for more money if I felt I deserved it. I know it comes across as just an excuse but the way the office has been ever since I started is incredibly unprofessional. I don't feel like I'm working for a professional company with the right practices in place.

I'm looking for another job, at this point I'll take anything.

Sadly yes. It’s normal for a lot of people.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t change it though!

I think it's very fair whatever the size of the company to say, I am responsible for this team/this number of tasks/outcomes yet I am being paid 5k less than an administrator. I realise I started here young and progressed but my wage doesn't reflect the role I have now. They might not agree to a payrise, at which point you say. That's absolutely your call, I'm just letting you know I'll need to seek alternative employment.

Do it by email, that way you've got a record and it might be easier than face to face given the dynamic

I'm definitely not saying it's your fault - anxiety is an illness and you aren't to blame for the fact that you have it. It's very difficult to deal with. I'm just wondering if you've tried methods to manage it.

It may be the case that another job will help, but it might also assist you going forward if you're able to address the root of the problem.

@FASH84 you make it sound so easy! I could happily do that in any other setting I think it's just this particular office and how unprofessional it is that saying something like that wouldn't go down well.

@MyOtherUsernameisaPun - I've never addressed it, to be honest you're the first person to suggest I've got anxiety about it I've always just blamed the office. I am very assertive in every aspect of my life and I never let things slide/never let myself be treated unfairly it's just this job, I can't seem to make myself stand up for what I want/what is right. Do you have any advice/suggestions on what I can do to manage it/start addressing it properly?

I worked in a small company that sounds very similar. For me the only resolution was to leave. A lovely colleague was signed off sick because it made her so unwell, and she eventually left too and is now much happier.

Although, I'm also umhappy in my new job but for very different reasons and am leaving after only 6 months. There's no guarantee that you will be happier in another role but I don't regret gettimg out and giving it a shot. Fingers crossed for the next job!

Thanks @WeeBeasties - I'm scared to go to the doctor as I know they'll sign me off. My hairs falling out and I look properly ill and I know it's just the stress of having to come in here every day. I've stuck it out for 7 years and it's finally piling up.

I think being signed off would do me some good but unfortunately can't afford it. We only get the SSP there's no 90%/full wage for days off sick here and I count on a full wage to see me through the month.

@StormcloakNord I'm not saying it's easy, it's why I suggested email, but at the moment work is making you feel sick, surely it can't be much worse and you might be surprised. You do the job you deserve to be paid for it they are being absolute CFs to pay you less than they are happy to pay an admin, when you are in a management role.

If the anxiety/stress is having such an impact on your health, then i would look for another job. Not even trying to salvage that one.
You need to look after yourself and out your health first and foremost. It’s clear that the situation has gone on too long already

Ssp is only for short time, then you claim esa. Looks like that will happen if you carry on, take control now. Have a break, regroup and go back in to sort things out.
A better option would be get another job, but doesn't sound like that is possible right now.

Leave. Trust me, the stress isn't worth it. Focus on getting your next job, which will be better. Make a plan for this and focus on it. This will also relieve the stress as you are finally doing something about it.

Talk to ACAS now. Pick up the phone and do it.
Its one thing for an office to be unprofessional - 'nice to your face and stab you in the back' is a good way to get bad practices under the radar btw - its another for a long standing employee not to be eligible for sick pay.

The Acas helpline number is 0300 123 1100.
Monday 8am-8pm, Tuesday 8am-6pm, Wednesday to Thursday 8am-8pm, Friday 8am-6pm and Saturday 9am-1pm.

Can you email, and say something like: "I would like to request a salary increase to £xx,000, commensurate with my experience and position within the company and would like a meeting to discuss."

This way when you get to the meeting you don't really need to say anything, they know what you want and can begin discussions from there.

Would a better salary make the job more bearable?

"the "friendly, everyone is pals" dynamic in the office makes it impossible for me to raise issues I have."

This is a false perception - they are not your pals, they are not looking after you and they are not recognising your contribution by paying your properly. They are not friendly, or they would be approachable enough for you to raise things with them - indeed, they would have noticed your anxiety and offered you help.

Look for another job where you would be happier, but at the same time ask for a formal discussion of your concerns - not a friendly chat where they can fob you off unrecorded. Say you want to take stock of where you are and how you can progress. You have nothing to lose - if you only get a note saying they are happy with your work, you can use it in your job search!

Leave. Honestly, put the minimum effort into the job, and kick your job search up. Don't take anything though - if you're only having trouble being assertive here, look for a job that reflects what you're worth, not any old thing.

You've already identified the right course of action - if it's been like this for 7 years, execute your plan. The labour market is tight, you should be in a good position if you've already got a job. I'm sure you're 'just looking for a new challenge at this point'.

I've worked for a small family run company and I know how hard it is sometimes when there are issues and you don't have HR or someone impartial you can turn to.

Can you take any time off work at all and properly invest some time in job hunting? look at temp agencies or contracting to get you through to a permanent role?

I'd look at going to your GP as well and seeing if you can be signed off for a couple of weeks. Your employer likely doesn't know the half of what you're going through, or they do and don't want to deal with it in the hopes that it will just blow over. So actually being signed off might give them an idea of the seriousness of what you're going through?

In the long run.. what have you got to lose by speaking up? I know its scary but if you're already looking for a new job, it might help to alleviate some of the stress you're feeling in the mean time before you move on?

If possible, I'd take a few days holiday (or even just a day or two sick leave), update your CV and talk to a temping agency (they'll often have permanent jobs too) and see if they can offer you work, what pay and how quickly. If they can offer you work that works financially (even vaguely!), hand your notice in immediately.

It'd also be worth doing a spreadsheet of your outgoings and see if they can be reduced at all to make temping or a new job work. Take a look at money saving expert forums for help on this.

Small, badly run companies can be so toxic. My friend stayed in one for 11 years and by the time she left, she was massively struggling. It's not worth staying then needing months off sick to recover from this.

A very wise friend of mine says

"you never have work friends"

I actually did somewhere, but my last job was a nightmare, so I left. I was lucky I was able to. I am still recovering from the anxiety it flared up for me.

Another very wise friend of mine said work out what you NEED to earn, not what you CAN.

Raspberryberet totally agree.

You absolutely need another job. I've dreaded going to work and it never gets better. Walking away is the only way to go.

yes, the dread is your gut telling you to get the hell out, listen to it. Now, if your gut hated every job and this was your 2nd or 3rd move in a short space of time, you'd have a general anxiety issue but there are bad fits and bad workplaces.

I left one job I knew after 6 months was awful, depressing, boring, I stuck it out (no idea why) for 18 months but was so relieved the day I handed in my notice. I never had the same issue again.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice. I'm going to update my CV and start looking for part time work.

@Trooperslane2 that really resonated. My partner this morning did a spreadsheet of all of our outgoings, and what we would need to earn to cover them, plus food and fuel. We could actually afford for me to leave here and not have a job (which wouldn't work for me anyway as I'd need to keep busy) but this has massively helped my outlook. I'm currently looking for/applying for part time jobs. We won't have the lifestyle we're used to but right now despite what we can afford I'm still unhappy, so I've nothing to lose really.

stormcloadknord Totally - and you know it's not forever...... things might settle down, you might get inspired by your new place.

A friend of mind has just applied for full time when she's been doing part time for a very short period of time because she's got her work mojo back.... best wishes :)

....... or you might not want to. But most importantly, your health is paramount and even if you have to tighten the belt a bit, it will be worth it