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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum slapped my brother across the face

40 replies

hallie29 · 06/06/2018 07:07

When he was 11, for playing a prank.

We both wonder now, momentary loss of control or something more sinister.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 06/06/2018 07:10

Sinister, how? Like dæmonic possession sinister?

steff13 · 06/06/2018 07:14

Well, if the it's the only time something like that happened, I'd say it was a momentary loss of control. How long ago was this? Was it part of a wider pattern of abusive behavior?

saoirse31 · 06/06/2018 07:15

Kind of depends on what she was like then and now tbh.

JustVent · 06/06/2018 07:15

What was the prank? Must have been pretty bloody bad.

ChasedByBees · 06/06/2018 07:15

What kind of sinister?

Original poster
hallie29 · 06/06/2018 07:20

I’m not sure ... we were both scared of her and he is very unwell now and he keeps bringing this up.

My parents used to go ballroom dancing and took my brother and I along, we were supposed to read but my brother wandered off and knocked on a lady’s door and ran off.

OP posts:
bzzbeebzz · 06/06/2018 07:26

How long ago was this?

We were slapped across the face more times that I can remember. I’m alllowing that things were “different back then” though it’s still unforgivable.

OakIsBetterTho · 06/06/2018 07:30

Seeing as you've only mentioned that occasion and mentioned no other incidences, I'm going to assume it was a momentary loss of control. Which obviously isn't okay but it's hard to say whether it was an incident she regrets or one in which she feels justified. If she was and is sorry then I couldn't really hold it against her.
I am coming at this from a different perspective mind you. I had an extremely physically abusive father growing up (think kicking in the face, purposefully burning us on radiators, pushing us down the stairs) so my views can be a little skewed I imagine.

Fluffybat · 06/06/2018 07:31

How long ago was this? It was the norm a while ago. I was slapped a lot as a child by both parents but it was legal and I don't hold anything against them. I would never hit my child but I don't think there was anything sinister- I think they thought that was how you discipline a child. Their parents had done it to them so they did it to us. Was it just the once your mum smacked your brother? Sounds like a spur of the moment in anger.

Lovestonap · 06/06/2018 07:33

My mum slapped me across the face once for something - not even that bad. Momentary loss of control as she never ever did it again - that's why I remember that one event clearly.
My mum is a good mum, but clearly human like the rest of us.

iklboo · 06/06/2018 07:35

Not sure what you mean by 'sinister'? Do you think there were more occasions?

Carycach100 · 06/06/2018 07:36

I imagine that apart from the naughtiness of the prank your mother was quite worried where your brother had gone. if this was the mid 80s or earlier slapping was normal parenting. full stop it does not really soundws though your brother was in great fear of your mother otherwise he would not have pulled this prank

Frogscotch7 · 06/06/2018 07:36

Sometimes memories come back and you wonder, how did I forget that for so long? Was it so normal to me that is was forgettable? Or was it so traumatic that I pushed it away? Ultimately it’s happened and you can only try and make sense of things as an adult with the limited information and memories you have left. Then accept it and let go. Counselling can help.

pandorawithtreaclecolouredhair · 06/06/2018 07:38

I remember odd childhood incidents like this, but times were indeed different (I am 54).
You and your brother seem to be building this up out of proportion in your minds.

Original poster
hallie29 · 06/06/2018 07:42

I don’t recall any other physical incidents, plenty of verbal ones but not any other physical instances.

OP posts:
OakIsBetterTho · 06/06/2018 07:45

If it only happened once, then I think you and your brother may be directing your focus at the wrong thing.

CiderwithBuda · 06/06/2018 07:46

My mum did this a few times. Plus used the wooden spoon. My dad hit us too. Once as a result of a note Home from my teacher that I hadn’t done my homework. I ended up with bruises on my legs. Teacher noticed and asked about them. I told her. She never wrote home again.

It was a different time and it was seen as acceptable.

AnnaMagnani · 06/06/2018 07:47

Can you remember the context for your DM?

I can remember being slapped by my mother. However with the eyes of an adult I can also put in that she was physically exhausted at the time after working night shifts, I had been doing something to push her to her limit, my Dad wasn't around to support her - and yes, different times.

In my memory though it is still her being utterly unreasonable and cruel. I have to put all those extra bits on that I have learned as an adult to see what was really happening.

NotARegularPenguin · 06/06/2018 07:51

I think if it only happened once physically then maybe you were lucky. Certainly in the 70s/80s it was far more acceptable to give your kid the odd slap. Shouldn’t have been, but it was.

Seems a bit odd to be focused on one slap years later?

My parents used to belt me and my brother from when we were toddlers. Frequently.

Doyoumind · 06/06/2018 07:51

If this was a long time ago, when it was considered acceptable to smack children, as it was when I was young, only one incident seems like she was very controlled.

What would be sinister about it?

He did a really naughty thing and it sounds like it was a momentary loss of control and nothing more.

Bibesia · 06/06/2018 08:00

If it was a one-off, then it wasn't part of something more sinister. Those were times when slapping was considered more acceptable - my mother hit us a number of times. I think it was both wrong and totally counter-productive, but I don't think it makes her a child abuser.

pigmcpigface · 06/06/2018 08:01

Ideas about physical punishment have changed significantly over the past two decades. If this was a one-off incident, I would be tempted to say it was a momentary lapse of reason and control. If it was part of a wider pattern of controlling, bullying, violent behaviour then your brother may need some help, e.g. from a counsellor, plus family support.

Gabilan · 06/06/2018 08:07

we were both scared of her and he is very unwell now and he keeps bringing this up

In that case, and I mean this kindly, it sounds as if he needs more help than he can be given here.

My mum once told me she wished I didn't exist. It sticks in my mind to this day but on the whole as a parent she was very kind. I found out years later that during that time she'd been under immense stress at work, she was the main wage earner and my parents' marriage was going through a very bad stage. Mum was having an affair. The whole thing was a mess and she made one comment that took it out on me. But if you were both generally scared of your mum this sounds like something different.

lifechangesforever · 06/06/2018 08:09

How long ago was it though? We were all hit as children, it wasn't considered 'wrong' then.

petrolpump28 · 06/06/2018 08:12

is this genuine? You sound unwell. Maybe see a counsellor or your GP