....in changing an informal agreement?

[Anxious2772]

My ex and I have had an informal arrangement over our child for some time, recently I've had to seek advice from a solicitor as the divorce process has started and the solicitor advised that the current child arrangements are disruptive and should be reconsidered.

As such I told my ex that rather than pick the child up at 7pm on a Friday as per previous arrangements he could pick up after swimming on Saturday morning because picking her up that late (she is 5) isn't acceptable really.

Today he threatend that if I don't agree to maintain the original (informal) agreement that his solicitor will file for an interim child arrangement order on an urgent basis on Thursday which will enforce the original (informal) arrangement.

Can he really do this? Everything I read says urgent is for welfare or abduction issues only and any CAO must legally be preceeded by mediation (MAIM)

Any advise welcome. (apologies I have posted this on a couple of the pages just desperately looking for any response)

Thanks!!

Hi Anxious2772 I have just posted on your other thread before finding this one but the point remains the same.

If your child is 'out like a light' and very tired then the obvious solution is to knock 'multiple lessons' on Saturday morning on the head. No 5 yr old needs 'multiple lessons' in anything following a full week at school.

I would argue that it's the obligation to get up on a Saturday morning for organised activities following a later night is far more disruptive.
I know it's fashionable for parents of young children to be under the impression that they are somehow 'failing' their child if they are not given constant 'learning' . It's just not true. No child is going to suffer by not being taught swimming/gymnastics/extra maths/bible or Koranic studies at the age of 5 (or any age for that matter).
Your 5 yr old has gone through her parents separating. Building strong EQUALLY bonded relationships with BOTH parents is the priority here. Far more important than any Saturday lessons. They should never come in front of time with a parent at this age.

My understanding is that the courts take a dim view of arrangements being changed suddenly without very good reason, and particularly of time with one parent being reduced.

I think whether he could get this seen urgently depends how busy they are. They may not accept it as urgent as there aren't safeguarding issues, and he might have to go through the normal processes.

If it does go to court, they will be looking at your motives for instigating the change and assessing whether it benefits the child.

I wouldn't change the arrangements on Friday without a very good reason as I think it could be used against you in the future to show how manipulative and inflexible you are. If the current arrangement works reasonably ok, just stick with it.

Judges do like the child to be picked up from school by the other parent who has them that weekend because it minimises disruption for the child. Perhaps that would be a better solution. However few men are willing to rearrange their working hours around their children, unlike women who are expected to. Perhaps offer that as a solution and suggest he sacrifice a couple of hours at work and works late another night instead.

If it has been workibg for you as family don't change it. The court prefers agreed arrangements and it does not sound that onerous.

Yabvu. You'd be mad to disrupt an amicable agreement and have court proceedings initiated against you for, as you put it, 2 hours of time. Wind your neck in.

However few men are willing to rearrange their working hours around their children, unlike women who are expected to

While I agree that far more women do this I don't think women are expected to. Plenty of children go to after school club etc.

Not all jobs allow flexible working. He may not have any choice about when he leaves on a friday. If the OP was also working at that time they would use a childcare provider. No court would expect the mother to change her hours to pick up the child.