Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not bother with a reception?

17 replies

jridndn · 05/06/2018 21:24

I know. Miserable.

I'm getting married and we knew from the off we didn't want a big wedding - we can't afford it apart from anything else! We are getting no help from families so it's a choice between house or a wedding. House wins.

We plan to marry in a registry office and go on holiday somewhere nice. Not the Maldives or the Caribbean, a nice hotel somewhere in Europe flying EasyJet will do. But the cost adds up and so far We are looking at the costs and thinking no to having a reception.

I have no friends, only friendly acquaintances. I'm not too close to my family anymore, but they (and extended family) will expect a big do. DP also doesn't want a big party as he thinks it's a waste of money. And I agree, what's the point in spending money on something we both won't enjoy?

OP posts:

Halebeke425 · 05/06/2018 21:28

Well it seems you're all in agreement. It's your wedding, do what you like! If you're not really 'big do' people that's fine, you don't have to put on a party to please anyone.

bassackwards · 05/06/2018 21:29

Sounds like you already know what the right approach is for you. Obviously you don't need to throw a big party just because your family expects it. Do it your way and enjoy your honeymoon

QueenOfMyWorld · 05/06/2018 21:31

I went to a lovely intimate wedding once it was at a registry office then we all went to a coffee shop next to a train station then the bride and groom went on a train to Paris.It was unconventional but perfect for them

smallchanceofrain · 05/06/2018 21:35

Do what will make you happy. One of the nicest weddings I've been to was a registry office wedding with about a dozen guests there followed by a picnic at a country park. Unconventional but perfect for the happy couple.

iamyourequal · 05/06/2018 21:36

I guess it depends what the wedding itself has been arranged as? If you have invited lots of people to the ceremony and they are bringing you gifts, buying new outfits, arranging travel, babysitters etc, they are probably expecting you to do a bit afterwards to celebrate the big occasion. Is it not something worth celebrating? If you only want a small wedding, fine, have a small wedding and a small reception. Surely you can stretch to paying for that?

Thewoodenspoon · 05/06/2018 21:37

One of the nicest weddings I went to was at a registry office followed by a bring a plate & bottle to the bride & grooms house! They went off on their honeymoon and the rest of us washed up and tidied up afterwards .... it was lovely and relaxed

ChangingStates · 05/06/2018 21:37

Also went to a lovely registry office wedding followed by a pub for family and a few friends- it should be whatever you want it to be

milliemolliemou · 05/06/2018 21:38

As everyone will say - do what you and DP want to do. Borrow witnesses if that means avoiding balancing claims of one or other family. Don't have family and don't tell them you're getting married - but make sure you have a lovely photo for any close family who might want them when you decide it's safe to let them know. Good luck ....

FatherMackenzie · 05/06/2018 21:39

Yanbu.

Jozxyqk · 05/06/2018 21:42

If your family, or anyone else, says that you should be having a "big do" - say "lovely, that's so generous of you - we couldn't afford to pay for it!" Bet they shut up quick!

Quodlibet · 05/06/2018 21:43

You don't have to have a big reception at all if you don't want to. Go to the reg office and then pop to the pub if that suits you better.

Kettlepotblackagain · 05/06/2018 21:44

I think it's really romantic to have an intimate registry office wedding with a few witnesses. I agree money is better spent elsewhere rather than extortionate amounts trying to out do other weddings and spend money on family you probably won't see for years. If I had my wedding again I would definitely have a much smaller do. In fact, I would probably elope or just have immediate family.

I live the idea of a registry office and waving the couple off to Paris! That's perfect to me.

I've learned the hard way to do what's right for you. Weddings are one day and overrated in my opinion! They have become a complete circus.

Ha I sound like a right barrel of laughs don't I !

possumgoddess · 05/06/2018 21:45

Our registry office wedding was arranged really quickly due to family circumstances so we only had my son and daughter and his mother and brother there. Afterwards we went to the local pub where we met up with my son in law and little grandchildren for lunch. That was it! My brother in law took photos. Then a year later we had a lovely family party but no big do.

ForalltheSaints · 05/06/2018 21:47

YANBU. Your day, and it seems you are both in agreement.

Bumbumtaloo · 05/06/2018 21:48

We got married in a registry office including us and DD1 there was 23 of us. We then had a bbq in our back garden. Everyone was gone (and house tidied etc) by 7/7.30. We had no speeches/first dance etc but I did have a very simple wedding dress.It’s not everyone’s idea of a good wedding but it was perfect for us.

letsdolunch321 · 05/06/2018 21:55

It is your day you decide together what you want to do.

What ever you decide have a wonderful day

Rumboogie · 05/06/2018 22:50

milliemolliemou

Cruel not to tell your family. No reason why you can't have a small wedding with close family and, say, a pub lunch or picnic

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.