To make a complaint about my son's birth

[Soph88]

Waters went at about 11.00pm, called midwife who said to go in to be checked. Went in and got hooked up and monitored. I was have irregular contractions, baby's heartbeat was fine. The midwife checked my cervix with a speculum and a light, literally 1 second and said cervix isn't doing anything and to go home. I left the birthing unit at 1.30am. Had some more irregular contractions until they got very strong and I got up to go to the hospital and couldn't walk as baby was coming, paramedics called. Baby was born at 3.27am.
My complaint is that this was my second birth, my first resulted in a 3b tear and so I was technically high risk. I've now had a 3a tear with this birth and think this could have possibly been avoided if I had been checked properly when I went in and admitted to the labour ward rather than being sent home. That way a midwife would have been present and aware of my history. I could possibly have longer term medical problems due to this tear.
I'm honestly not sure if I should complain. They can't do anything about it now and my son is healthy. I might be being completely unreasonable even thinking about complaining. Views?

CheesyToast you sound like a someone who's own poor experience now biases everything else for you.

Contrary to what you may think, just because something doesn't happen the way you want it to, doesn't necessarily mean someone is to blame.

My second birth was recorded at 42 mins. It happens

OP I was going to come on and say the same as the other midwives have said - it doesn't sound like you were sent home inappropriately based on the information you've written here.

That said, your experience has upset you and you have come out of it with an anal sphincter injury (which in itself will have triggered an incident report and likely an enquiry as to whether it could have been avoided), and because of this you would be within your rights to question your care and to request a de-brief with your local maternity unit, whether with a consultant or with a lead midwife.

If you feel it'll be beneficial for you to discuss it further then please do so.

OP, mentioning that you've had two difficult births gives me all the more reason to urge you to get a birth debrief.
I'm not a midwife, but do know that births can vary wildly. (In my case, first baby, back to back, I lost count after 36 of how many hours I was in labour for, second baby, I arrived at 7cm dilated - shit, all plans of an epidural flew out of the window - and baby was born 1 hr 40 mins later).
I would hate for you to decide on no further children (if that's what you wanted) based on this experience without looking into what happened.
I hope you can find some resolution.

@CheeseyToast I don't think anyone was being dismissive, merely pointing out that from clinical experience, it appears that the care given wasn't inappropriate.

OP hasn't been overwhelmingly ignored, belittled or told not to complain, but she has been given another option of requesting a de brief to understand the circumstances of her baby's birth.

Soph the cervix is checked with a speculum if your waters have gone and you aren't in established labour in order to reduce the risk of infection. Lots of checks when there is no bag of waters can increase the infection risk for both mum and baby. They should have explained that to you!

Ignore me, I see plenty of posters have already explained the speculum!

I'm another who was checked and told I was 3cms and it was way too early to have an epidural. One hour later and I was pushing, but told I shouldn't have been. I was checked (reluctantly) and I remember the midwife saying, in surprise, '9.5 with a rim!'. Baby was born by emergency forceps 10 mins later. It was my first baby. I really wish I'd had the epidural!

It was back in 1997, and in hindsight I'm sure I had a degree of PTSD as for a very long time I kept replaying the events in my mind to try to understand what happened and I got very depressed and anxious for a long while afterwards. It's a real shock to the system when things happen in such a sudden and unexpected way, but it happens.

As others have said, I don't think you were sent home inappropriately but you could probably do with a debrief or appointment to go through things.

Have you been seen in a gynae or perineal clinic following the tear? I've referred patients on for debrief following these appointments, that might be a good starting place if you haven't had your appointment yet

OP I went from nothing happening except contractions to baby born in 1 hour 20 mins with ds1, and 45'minutes on ds2. It's just one of those things. I tore badly with ds1, because he came so fast and I pushed instead of panted, and I had 3 midwives and 2 student midwives with me (only person on the labour ward at the time).
But congratulations on the birth

I think this thread just illustrates many of the things that are wrong with the way women are treated during and post birth. There's a whole grey area between clinically negligent and great level of care and many posting on this thread just don't seem to see it. The fact that OP feels her care may have been negligent just shows what a poor level of aftercare she has received that she doesn't know what happened and why - surely this is something that needs to be addressed? It's not a case of OP is right, midwife is negligent or vice versa, more how the way care is delivered is routinely letting women down. OP, please please don't feel that you are in some way unreasonable for wanting to have some practical and emotional support to come to terms with this birth. Please ask for it now and don't be me still getting over it years later. Do you have a good relationship with your GP/health visitor who may be able to support you?

@Beerandpancakes the HV is coming tomorrow so I will speak to her to see how I can get a de brief. GP is due to check me on Thursday.
Everything seems to be healing ok so that's good and my new son is wonderful.
I do think I just need to understand better what happened so a de brief would be the right path for me.

Soph88 I hope my previous post didn't sound dismissive. You've definitely been through a lot, and a debrief sounds like a good idea. Well done on giving birth unsupported and alone (that takes a lot of guts), and I hope you find resolution.

Our maternity services are very basic. If I was in charge of the country (and had money), there would be none of this sending women home when they are going to be giving birth in the next day or so.

I personally couldn’t get into the delivery suite when my dc was being born. I was screaming in agony at the hospital and they eventually (grudgingly) let me into a delivery room a few minutes before the baby was born. No pain relief whatsoever. No care. Nothing. Suddenly baby born.

Someone has made the point that labour is unpredictable. Yes it is. So best be in hospital!

Soph88 that's good to hear, I hope the debrief answers your questions and can help you. Congratulations on your lovely son x

Whilst it doesn't sound like there have been any failings in the care provided, I do wish someone would sort out this issue of insisting women labour at home for so long.

I've had 2 difficult births that would have been better managed if the Labour ward had let me in sooner. 1st was 7cm on arrival after being put off a couple of times, undiagnosed breech with distressed baby and then difficult section due to progress of labour. Baby ended up on nnu and also had torticollis as a result but is fine now. Second time round told to go in as soon as regular contractions. Phoned when waters went. Phoned again with strong contractions about half an hour later. Phoned again when I started to think we wouldn't get to hospital. Told to stay at home each time but went anyway. 7cm on arrival, distressed baby, ventouse, antibiotics for me, not much opportunity for pain relief!!!

My cousin delivered on the street after being sent away "not in labour" and I've heard of plenty of other accidental births out of hospital. Why can't women choose when to go in???? Surely some resources need to be given to maternity care to make spaces available for women to have the option to go in when they feel the time is right even if they're technically not in labour. This may not mean 1:1 care on a on a Labour suite from the outset but I'm sure something should be possible and could have a massive impact on women actually feeling supported through labour rather than feel like even proving they're in labour is a battle.

Sorry, that was a bit of a rant!!!! If I had a 3rd i think I'd just turn up to maternity at the first contraction and and camp outside until they let me in

Absolutely complain. As my community midwife said to me "why don't they listen".

With my first I was sent home multiple times which really distressed me and slowed me down.
With my second they tried to send me home we refused and baby was born 2 hours later. I know if I had gone home it would have protracted again. Sorry you are upset by it, I was with my first for a long time x

It sounds like the problem may have been much earlier in your care than the day you went into labour. Did you see a consultant and have appropriate consultant input into your birth planning?