To only feed DS beans on toast or pasta

[NoNarnas]

19 month old DS will only eat beans on toast or pasta. Unless it’s a Sunday when he will sit nicely at my parents house and eat a Sunday dinner.

Last nights pork, potatoes and carrots were untouched while he asked over and over for a banana. He had a snack at the childminders mid afternoon so I didn’t give him pudding and he just had milk before bed.

Tonight is beef casserole. He tried one piece of carrot and one piece of potato and then again just asked for banana. I’ve not done any pudding again and have taken him from the table. He hasn’t eaten since lunch at the childminders at 12.

The only things I can present at tea time that he will touch are beans or pasta! How do I encourage him to eat better? At this age am I right in not doing anything else if he doesn’t eat his tea?

I've also got a 19 month old and he very rarely eats much if anything at dinner time. I offer dinner and then if he doesn't eat anything I'll try and give him some toast or something half an hour later but he rarely eats much of that either. I just don't think he's that hungry after lunch and snack.

My dd likes a big breakfast, medium sized lunch and a small tea with occasional slice of bread before bed. My ds likes a small breakfast, large lunch and large tea. Your ds likes a large breakfast (shreddies, toast and fruit is a big breakfast for a toddler), medium lunch and a small tea. Just serve what you're having and let his appetite guide him. If he needs some supper then so be it. It don't think anyone actually has 3 meals of the same size every day but people seem to want their kids to!

It sounds to me like he has eaten loads during the day and just isn't hungry at night and is possibly tired too. I would offer a variety of foods and include his beloved pasta and beans with this - a sort of picky plate.

Don't sweat it. My DD2 was super fussy as a tot and ate a restricted diet throughout her childhood. Now aged 20 yo she eats almost anything. She got there in her own time as will your DS.

Why do people panic so much over small children not eating? 'Toddler Starves Self To Death' is hardly a headline that pops up weekly in the papers! Just chill out, offer a small portion, sit back and eat your own. They can either eat it, or wait until the next meal. It's absurd the way some parents react

'Please just have a little bit'
'Just try it!'
'It's soooo yummy!!'
'Look, Daddy's eating it!'
'Just eat 3 spoonfuls'
'If you finish the whole plate you can have a sticker!'
'If you just have half then, I'll buy you a new toy!'
'You won't ever have icecream again unless you eat it!'
'Fine, don't eat it then. Here's your usual yoghurt and biscuits.'

Seriously, just CHILL! As a nanny I see this in the families I work with again and again and again. It's natural for small children to be fussy. It's natural for them to wield any power they've got (and not eating gets a BIG reaction, so they learn very quickly they're on to a winner there!). It's also very common for them to eat just fine when at nursery or Granny's house or wherever they know they won't get the audience begging and bribing.

There are things you can do I suppose - engage little ones in growing their own veggies, take them to 'Pick your own' farms, let them choose a different food they've never had before when you take them to the supermarket, involve them in the food prep and cooking, use pudding as bribery 'When you've finished your tea then you can have some apple crumble' - but always be consistent and never give in if they don't finish their mains, eat the same meals with them, make sure they're actually hungry after an hour or more outdoor play and limited snacks... all that sort of thing. But at the end of the day just relax, serve them the same as everyone is having and if they eat it, fine, if they don't eat, fine. It's pretty rare to be walking down a UK street and have to step over the prostrate forms of children who've fainted from lack of sustenance.

I have to agree with others that say he may just not be that hungry. This is what he eats as you've said here:

bowl of shreddies
a slice of toast
a banana
a bowl of porridge
biscuit or fruit
a sandwich
some cheese
strawberries
blueberries
a banana
a mini malt loaf
some raisins
a biscuit

That to me is a huge amount of food for a child not yet 2yrs old. In comparison my 12yr old DS has:
Toasted bagel
Biscuit x2
Fruit
Wrap (ham, cheese cucumber)
Crisps
2 x chicken satay sticks

Then he has a dinner when he gets home (half the plate is veg).

Might be worth asking others what their 19mth old eats to get an idea of amounts?

My two year old is a nightmare at the moment. We've found that feeding him what we'd give him for tea at lunch time instead has helped.

Its a real battle with Mum thing, I bet he will always eat better with others (it made me laugh one time when dc went to grandparents and was told they ate all the bread including crusts from the sandwiches but didn’t touch the ham - because at home they only ever ate the ham, not the bread) . I would play tactics

• serve the meal a little later, so he is possibly hungrier
• sit and eat some yourself first, hopefully making him salivate, or put his plate in sight for a bit before giving it
• completely ignore his protests or his eating, make meals really low key, don’t fuss around him, don’t talk or encourage, don’t clean up mess or wipe while he is there (my friend was a clean freak and then wondered why her kids would only eat white/beige foods...anything else she was on guard with a wet wipe stressing them out)
• i think i might only give one food at a time too for a while, but frequently, like pork now, banana later
• reheated roast dinner might be a good option for one day a week.

He eats better at the childminder's - it could be peer pressure. He sees the other children eating nicely, & does the same. DD eats much better at school than she does at home, & eats things there that she wouldn't consider touching at home. She's 6 now & has been a good eater, & went through a very picky phase too - at 2 she completely went off all protein except milk & cheese, & by 3 she just wanted sausages, cheese, cherry tomatoes & plain pasta or chips. We're trying to encourage more adventurous eating, again, & have explained that some new foods take a bit of "practice" before she will fully like them. She has to try all new food but is allowed to leave it if she doesn't like it.

Your DS sounds like he has a fairly decent diet. Just keep gently offering small amounts of new foods, perhaps from your plate. DD was always much more interested in my or DH's food than her own. Useful trick if it works for you...

I understand your frustration but I can promise you that even if you give him just beans or pasta or fruit every night he will still grow up to be an adult who eats more variety. It’s really just a stage and it will end. Try not to get too wound up, it’s sounds like he’s a good eater at other times.

he would simply eat the portion of beans or pasta and leave the rest!

he will start trying new stuff on the plate in the end dont put too much of the other stuff on the plate to minimise waste i honestly didnt think It would work but it does

Not necessarily - mine never did.

What time does he have dinner? He maybe just isn't very hungry - coupled with being tired not a great combination. Does he eat ok at weekends when you eat together as a family or just Sunday's?

That's a long time to go between food.

Ds1 went through a 'phase' of cereal- for breakfast, dinner, tea and supper. Same thing day after day.

I went to see the HV, she said 'but he's eating! It's a phase. As long as he is eating, it doesn't matter what it is' and she was right. A few weeks lasted he was back to eating all his veg, potatos, pasta etc.

If he eats well at breakfast and lunch (sounds like he does) then I would guess it's a combination of not that hungry and a bit tired at tea time. In which case I'd be quite happy giving him a rotation of beans/pasta/banana porridge for teatime. As long as he's eating more widely at lunch.

I would agree with giving him his main meal at lunchtime, especially if he eats well with/for other people. We are lucky that DS (20 months) eats well at nursery. Then I’m the evening we serve him what we are having, generally try to include one thing we know he likes (although he has a decent range, which helps) or at least make every other meal one we know he generally eats well. Then if he eats it he eats it, if he doesn’t he doesn’t. We always offer fruit afterwards regardless so it’s not a reward for eating and it’s not a meal substitute if he doesn’t eat, it’s just what happens at the end of a meal.
Like your DS he has pretty limited words still so he could say no or yes or ask for an Apple, orange or banana but he couldn’t say ‘I don’t like rice, please can I have pasta?’! I’m also not sure that he’d understand ‘if you eat that you can have this’ but he might. If he refused dinner and asked for a banana we’d make him wait with his food for a few minutes while we ate ours then give him the banana at the end of that when he usually gets his fruit - sometimes he’ll then go back to his meal.
Sometimes DS will eat a meal one night then refuse the leftovers the next! So I figure that for him at least he doesn’t eat when he’s not hungry, which is a good thing. We’ve had a weekend of barely eating a thing and guzzling pints of milk because it’s been so hot but today he’s eaten again so I try really hard not to stress. We read advice somewhere early on that the adult chooses what to offer and when and the child chooses what they eat of it and how much, seemed sensible so we’ve stuck with it!

Op he is probably eating enough at lunchtime.

He is only little he may not need three big meals a day. Or at least he is just not quite hungry enough to try new stuff.

I wouldn't worry about it - but do keep presenting new foods , the worst thing you can do is drop to just offering beans and pasta!

What worked for us (accept it might not work for all) was the following:

Be mindful of what they eat inbetween meals. They may not be very hungry.

Talk about food in general, meals, types and cooking. Make sure good food is a positive thing in the house and not a stressful ordeal

Smaller plates, put the food on it, place in front of child - leave them to it. Don't offer an alternative, don't encourage. But feel free to say "it's yummy, I love it" if they look unsure. But just say it once. If they taste and make a face just ignore.

Don't give up on a food type if they don't eat it. Serve it again but a lessor amount.

Sweet things (apart from fruit) only happen after dinner and not throughout the day. Better for teeth and discourages a routine of snacking.

Does that mean he's been served carrots and potatoes 3 days in a row? Even 2 days in a row I would find off putting, certainly not appetising.

When you say he'll only eat beans, pasta, banana is that REALLY true?

"He eats loads at breakfast and lunch, but barely anything for tea" that's normal and is in fact how we all should eat. Most cals at breakfast, bit less at lunch, light meal for dinner. Are you serving too large a portion at dinner time? (Lots of people have lost sight of portion sizes - I made this mistake myself).

Toddlers are also winding down for bedtime in terms of biorhythms too.

www.nutrition.org.uk/attachments/article/734/BNF%20Toddler%20Eatwell%20Leaflet_OL.pdf

That lunch sounds VERY fruit heavy.

"He doesn’t speak yet so he can’t explain what he does and doesn’t like." He's expressing this by what he does and doesn't eat. Even adults want different things on different days.

I have (now big lanky streak of 17 yo) dd who still isn't keen on potatoes, HATES chips and chocolate. But eats plenty and is healthy.

If he'll eat the pasta with sauce you can sneak stuff in the sauce, with beans - easy to add onto pretty much any other meal or as beans on toast will he eat with ham or chicken slices on the toast and then beans, marmite, cheese either on the toast or grated over the beans? Does he like egg?

"so I have to send a pack up." Replace some of that fruit with veggies (cucumber, cherry toms, pepper cut in strips, even broccoli and Cauli can be eaten raw if he has enough teeth and is strong enough to crunch it - and of course carrot sticks), I'd also add a yogurt/from frais to that lunch, or was the cheese instead of that? what was in the sandwich?

Beans are actually a pretty good food (fibre, calcium, protein, potassium, magnesium & b6), if you use egg pasta that's also good (protein, iron, magnesium) and as he eats well the rest of the time I wouldn't worry re nutrition.

True what pp said about keep putting a little of other things on his plate and he will eventually eat them too. Also let him "steal" things from your plate.

They can be little buggers in eating better for others than mum too (I've been both sides of this as 1st a child carer then a mother - I swear I must be the only mum in the Western Hemisphere with a child that wouldn't eat smileys though!)

"Breakfast today was a bowl of shreddies, a slice of toast, a banana. Then an hour later at the childminders a bowl of porridge." That's a LOT for 18 months!

What are the other mindees eating? Is childminder too quick to give a sweet alternative to veg/meat/eggs?

Will he eat ravioli or other filled pasta?

Re egg - you can get fun gadgets that can be used to make boiled eggs into fun shapes (my dd hated eggs at this age but likes them now). I think at the time I got some similar from Lakeland.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_13?sprefix=boiled+egg+sh&crid=3E0U10Z9CXUX9&k=boiled+egg+shape+maker&tag=mumsnetforum-21

There's also things to make veg fun

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_5?sprefix=veg+c&crid=1RQQ5NCWBX2SA&k=veg+cutter&tag=mumsnetforum-21

With one of my mindees who "didn't like veg" I went all 70's and did tomato zig zag cut etc worked a treat. I also used food dyes so he got to eat 'blue for a boy' mashed potato (yes yes I know gender blah bla bla but it got him eating veg).

If you're a baker (or granny is) - carrot cake, beetroot choc cake to go in his pack up?

Also depending where you are could the hot/humid weather be affecting him? Dd and I were chatting as I do my order on a wed, we're sick of salads but not wanting hot food so were thinking what to have instead.

Thanks everyone. The childminder withholds the malt loaf and biscuits until he has eaten his sandwich but she doesn’t make him eat the cucumber/veggies if I send some as she knows he never eats them.

He has always had a big breakfast and will sometimes even have a pain au chocolate as well as all that if he catches me with mine!

I would say a sandwich, malt loaf and biscuits is probably too much for lunch. Will probably impact on dinner time. Could be why fussiness occurs.
Try sandwich and a piece of fruit instead. Make the veg and salad an afternoon snack.

He's eating a load of food during the daytime. I think brand on toast our some pasta with a banana is plenty. Try chopped up veggies in the pasta with cheese on top or cheese on the brand and chopped up tomatoes etc if you're desperate to get extra veg in him

Don't turn it into a stress or a battle, just a little bit of everything on his plate and model good behaviour.

Could he be self-limiting his intake if he's eating a lot during the day? My 18 month old really only really bothers with two meals a day. She'll eat a big breakfast and dinner but she can take or leave lunch so I just do something simple- usually a babybel, banana or grapes and something like a small 1 slice sandwich or hummus and mini pitta. I'd be lucky if she ate much more than the fruit and cheese, but arguing about it isn't worth the aggro. I encourage her if she's acting distracted but I don't like to force the issue if she's not actually hungry.

It sounds like he eats a lot for breakfast and lunch so I wouldn't worry about him not having enough for dinner. I'm not a big dinner eater, neither is one of my DS. My DD barely touches breakfast but will eat a big dinner. I would continue to encourage him to eat what you are eating by having a small amount of each thing on his plate but also make sure there is something there that you know he will eat. He's still so young. All 3 of mine went through a similar stage at some point and they eventually grow out of it.

There seemed like a decade when my daughter would only eat pasta with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese, with the occasional frankfurter thrown in. She survived and is now, as an adult, a vegetarian

Agree with PP's - don't turn it into a stress or a battle. Don't nag or cajole. This is critical.

A few other tips:

• don't put too much on his plate. This can be overwhelming for kids, particularly if it's something they are not familiar with. Give him small portions and let him ask for more
• rather than giving him one thing you'll know he'll eat every meal time, put one different thing on his plate and just quietly let him explore it, or not, don't make a fuss. So add some tomatoes, or a bit of cheese, or some cut up ham, etc. can you mix some things in with the beans or pasta so he gets used to the textures? Very small pieces to start with and gradually increase the sizes?
• don't turn pudding into too much of a treat, reward or bribe - this tells him the main course is not nice and that sweet should be his goal - at this age we always offered fruit or plain Greek-style yoghurt after meals whatever DD had eaten
• don't drag mealtimes out too long - go for them being a fun activity you enjoy together as much as poss - eat with him when you can. Aeroplane spoon games, etc, all good
• don't have other toys at the table - make mealtimes about food and family - even if you're not eating with him - talk and have fun together otherwise
• don't offer another meal if he doesn't eat the main one - keep it simple - this is dinner, and this is dessert - your choice if you eat it, but there is nothing else. I realise he is a bit young to understand this but keep it consistent and he will learn
• do not make threats you will not carry out, eg, 'if you don't eat your dinner, grandma won't come and see you' (this is good advice for parenting generally)

I'd give him what he'll eat plus a little bit of what you've made. Depends on the child, but for mine persistence paid off, we just kept putting a bit of what we were having on his plate and eventually he started to eat it.

He does make a fuss sometimes still even though he's 4 but now he's older we insist he tries things before he can declare he doesn't like them. Usually he decides he likes them after all and eats them.

I lived off petit filous and plain pasta for about 3 months when I was your DS's age - my mum likes to remind me, but I eat anything now.