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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so upset with DH?

41 replies

Snappymcsnappy · 05/06/2018 16:08

I was walking to the shops today when I was repeatedly whistled by a strange man.

I didn't acknowledge it was meant for me at first, only when I turned around, curious as to where the whistling was coming from did I see a man I've never met before walking towards me.

I asked him if he was whistling for me which he said he was and asked if he was okay.
It was hard to understand his accent so I had to ask a few times but he kept repeating that he liked me.

I thanked him and carried on with my walk.

Rational part of me says I am overreacting hut I am actually quite upset!
I found it intimidating and threatening.
It's quite a predatory thing to do, IMO.
Who whistles someone from across the road then goes over to tell them how much they like them?

My DH was not bothered in the slightest!!!
Not concerned for my safety, not jealous, nothing!
I'm really bothered.
He would be bothered right???

OP posts:

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 05/06/2018 16:44

I would have felt threatened in that situation. It wasn't just wolf-whistling from a distance: he approached you, spoke to you, told you (a stranger) that he liked you. It is odd behaviour.

I would also be upset if my husband did not understand how this incident had made me feel.

I would expect him to show concern.

KingLooieCatz · 05/06/2018 16:44

@Prepared no way were you being stupid! Report to police! Presumably you have contact details for the workman that you can give to police, people who behave like this often escalate to more serious offences, and it sounds like this guy is already escalating if he is going into people's homes and flashing.

Your Dh's reaction is very strange. My heart goes out to you if behavior like this is normalized for you somehow.

MustShowDH · 05/06/2018 16:45

Prepare - YOU ARE NOT BEING STUPID!

Call 101 and tell the police. You don't have to take it any further, but it could be just the piece of a jigsaw they need. I doubt you are the first he has done this to.

Preparefortroublemakeitdouble · 05/06/2018 16:48

Thank you for the kind words. Tbh a lot of my husband's behaviour I have been questioning lately. I should probably start my own thread as I'm not sure what's normal and what's not any more. I will try and get the courage to go to the police

Thesearmsofmine · 05/06/2018 16:52

Prepare you should definitely contact the police about that. My DH wouldn’t be bothered about the incident in the OP BUT he would be very bothered by what happened to you.

kateandme · 05/06/2018 16:53

I think its less threatening that it wasn't wolf whistling though.it was perhaps a silly way but he was trying to get your attention then come over to ask you out.not the most attractive way but isn't it the same as someone would do in a club.walk over and talk to you.

TheClitterati · 05/06/2018 16:53

@Preparefortroublemakeitdouble someone you hired to work in your own Home flashed you?

Absolutely dreadful behaviour and a crime too.

Absolutely call the police. And report him to his employer too if he was working for a company.

TheClitterati · 05/06/2018 16:54

It is totally not normal.

kateandme · 05/06/2018 16:54

was he threatening or did he come over and say he liked you

Original poster

Snappymcsnappy · 05/06/2018 17:10

Some of the comments on here are a bit disturbing.
I am coming across Attention seeking?
For finding a strange man whistling me from considerable distance and coming over and telling me repeatedly how much he likes me threatening?
How do I know he's not going to attack me, rape me, follow me home etc?

I can understand that I am possibly being a bit over sensitive assuming he has bad intentions but attention seeking I am not having.

It's not so much the whistling as a stand alone.
It's more the making a point of whistling me; presumably to get my attention from the other side of the road, walking over and repeatedly telling me he liked me that I found threatening, not the whistling alone.

And prepare I am so sorry to hear what happened you.
Your husband should be ashamed of himself and I also think you should report it to the police.

OP posts:

lololove · 05/06/2018 17:19

When I was 17 I was stopped walking home from work at 10pm (later than I should have been as I'd been kept behind by the person working with as they didn't want to be alone and at that age I didn't have the balls to tell them where to go.

A foreign 'gentleman' stopped me and kept coming onto me and even kissed me against my will as he kept blocking all my attempts to get past him to carry on walking and kept touching and trying to hold my hand. He was trying to get my phone number and wanted me to go out with him etc.

I was terrified and managed to walk off when people came towards us and as soon as I was clear I ran home and rang my dad to get him to come pick me up, telling him which way I'd be going.

Concerned for, angry for, upset for - I can understand those... but wanting a partner to be jealous? Definitely not that one.

AmazingPostVoices · 05/06/2018 17:22

Prepare calll a friend, tell
Them what happened and ask them to go to your local police station with you for support.

Snappy you weren’t wrong to feel
upset by what happened and you weren’t wrong to expect sympathy from your DH.

You didn’t necessarily handle it badly either. It didn’t escalate and you walked away no problem so that’s all good.

For future note I’d assume that if a stranger had something important to tell me they would usually start with “excuse me!” (In almost any culture) A whistle is rarely polite and I’d deliberately ignore.

kateandme · 05/06/2018 17:28

if you feel threatened then its wrong.you wouldn't feel threatened if the man wasn't giving that off to you.so your not in the wrong.
try and keep calm now.your away from it.he cant hurt or make you feel bad now ok.your away from it.your safe.
maybe talk to your dh and explain how it made you feel.rightly or wrong wehtehr the man meant whatever it made you feel scared.you need looking after now because of that.and even if he explained how innocent it was or how he saw it.at least then its a discussion.which might straighten your own fear out too.or not.but don't fear it now.your ok

HostaFireAndIce · 05/06/2018 17:41

Firstly, it's absolutely understandable that you were intimidated. I remember this sort of thing happening fairly frequently when I was a student in a city and, as you say, you don't know at the time what the person is going to do.

I think it's true though that your DH possibly just doesn't get what it feels like. It's a very difficult thing to explain. Hopefully that's all it is.

MustShowDH · 05/06/2018 19:34

Sorry to Hijack thread - just really concerned...

@Prepare - have a look online, with some police forces you can 'chat' to a 101 operator online. I know you can with our local one.

You are not overacting, you need to report this.

MustShowDH · 05/06/2018 19:36

Snappy,

Being whistled at doesn't bother me (not that its happened for a LONG time!) but what you described was more than that and regardless of what anyone else thinks, your DH should be supported you and trying to understand. As others have said, some men just don't get it.

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