To feel a bit sad for my son?

[PumpkinPie2016]

I am probably being totally ridiculous but I am feeling quite low at the moment so please be gentle.

I am married and me and my husband have one little boy who is 4. For various reasons, our son will remain an only child and I am mostly very happy with that decision (can't change it even if I wasn't).

Our son is loved and has grandparents/aunts and uncles/neighbours all of whom love him to bits. He goes to preschool full time and seems to have plenty of friends there - always talks about them and gets plenty of party invitations. Lots of his friends came to his party too. He has swimming lessons in a group and I take him to messy church where there at lots of the kids and adults. He sees plenty of people and I know he is extremely lucky.

However, we have just had half term and at points, I felt really sad for him as wherever we went - swimming/park/lunch/library etc I saw other kids with their siblings/friends and my son is just stuck with me to play with due to my working hours, I don't really know any preschool parents to meet up with and we live rurally where our neighbours don't have young children for him to play with.

I just feel like although I try to do lots with him, he missed out on having playmates of his own age. In fairness, he seems happy and I am hoping that when he starts school this year we can start having kids to play/for tea.

I was going to get him into gymnastics classnor something but the timings are after school and to be honest he is shattered and just wants his own house and toys.

So, I suppose I am asking aibu to feel a bit sad but equally to keep going as we at until he is a bit older and can invite kids round from school/has enough energy for an extra club? Does anyone else have this with their only child?

I have four. They like nothing better than to argue and would ditch each other in a heartbeat if one of their "actual" friends came along 😆 Honestly there's good hints and bad things about having siblings!

I also have an only child, not by choice and have gone through periods of worry and sadness for my son like this. I often think it's my sadness and the process of letting go of the family we wanted and tried hard to have (long story!) rather than anything my son is bothered about. He genuinely doesn't seem to feel he's missing out other than a short time just after starting school last year where he became more aware of classmates who had baby siblings arriving. When I explained that we couldn't have another baby, he accepted it no question and has never bothered since. I've always tried to stay positive about our situation and grateful for what we have and hope that that rubs off on him. I don't want to project on him the idea that he's missing out. The sadness does still come to me sometimes, especially when I've been around lots of families. We've just been on holiday at half term and like you I felt a bit forlorn at times, watching the families around the pool. Son had a ball though and made loads of friends. It sounds like you're doing great, my son started school last year and only does 2 out of school activities, football and swimming, like yours he's knackered after school and not up to it. He goes to before and after school club on some days and that has been wonderful for him to mix with children from across the classes and ages, it's lovely to see the older ones taking the younger ones under their wing. Honestly school has been a revelation as I've seen him so happy and sociable, maybe your fears will be alleviated once he's started. It's a big step for you both as it's such a milestone, I remember feeling quite low around that time, especially since I seemed to be haunted with the regret that I would only get to do it once. Anyway sorry to babble on, just wanted you to know that you're not alone with these worries. Hope you start feeling less low soon

I could have written your post OP. DS is almost 5, coming to the end of reception year at school and it’s much less of an issue already I assure you.

Sometimes of a weekend when we haven’t got much on I feel for him a bit as he looks lonely but it’s not often and I think it does him good to learn to be bored sometimes too. Not yet but maybe next year we will see if he wants to bring a friend out if we are having a quiet weekend to give him a bit of company his own age though.

I agree school holidays could get boring without a sibling, or just become super hard work for us parents to make sure they stay entertained, but as someone else said upthread the alternative might be just constant fighting with a sibling they don’t particularly get on with.

Grass always looks a bit greener I think!

Don’t worry OP, you are aware of it and he will be fine

I too could have written your post @PumpkinPie2016 ! Same here too where my DS also doesn't question why he doesn't have brothers/sisters when all of his classmates do as far as I can tell.

If we don't have any more (likely and not through choice) I'm just going to ensure he has friends over often and do as much as I can. When I get sad as you do in the park etc I tell myself it's not as if he doesn't get any child interaction as he's in preschool every day! DH and I do plenty with him and when he does have to play on his own, he's perfectly happy to do so!

I think only children have a better deal of things than multiple child families.

I’m an only child and I’m an absolute legend

Once they start school it’s fine. I have an only through choice.
Has play dates all the time now, either round ours or her friends. She’s 5 and In reception. I also take her to the park where she plays with other random children happily. She’s never mentioned she’s lonely anyway.

I'm an only and I love it - except for having to manage the care needs of my elderly parents without a sibling for support. Apart from that I've never desired a sibling.

I have two DS's, with 8 years between them. They have absolutely no common interests. They're chalk and cheese. They each have their own friendship groups and our house is often like a youth club.

I was on my own with DS1 for the first 7 years of his life. It was wonderful! We had great fun and many adventures just the two of us, or with one of his friends joining us. Even though he's now taller than me he still loves 1:1 time and we have a very close bond. He wasn't resentful to have a younger sibling and a stepdad (they have a fab relationship) but he did sometimes get a bit misty eyed about how good life was when it was just him and me.

I actually feel sorry for DS2, even though he has the benefit of two parents and a sibling. He's probably had less quality time with me because I have more to juggle - work, a relationship, his brother, elderly grandparents etc. DS1 knows he got the better deal and he's a good kid so he doesn't compete with DS2 for my attention.

I did think that it would have been good to have two children close in age but there's no guarantee they'll enjoy each others company. My best friend is like a sister to me. She has her own sister who is two years younger than her. They detest each other and haven't spoken for more than 9 years!

My only child is very happy and sociable. We also know lots of other only children.

I think the important thing is not to spoil or ruin them (by ruin I mean let them get their own way/give them everything they want to make up for not having siblings/let them be rude and horrid - I know quite a few ruined only children!)

Agree that social stuff picks up when they go to school. My advice would be to be really proactive about play dates from as early on as poss when school starts. Get to know other parents and find out who he plays with (although this will most likely change by year 1 anyway!)

Most importantly please remember being an only child is not actually a disability. That’s kind of how your posts come across. It’s fine!

I feel like I need to say again that if the spoiled children I know, just as many are siblings as are only children. My son inevitably gets attention but he isn’t allowed to get everything he wants or everything his own way. I know a few parents who run themselves ragged somehow managing to give their multiple children everything they want.