AIBU to get upset over my friend criticising my hair?

[girl78]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but it really gets to me.

By way of quick background, I’ve known best friend for 7 years and we live about 200 miles from one another. In the 7 years I’ve known her, I had very long and thick extensions in for a period of 1 year. However, I’ve not worn hair extensions since 2015.

Recently, every time I visit her and her two children, she makes a comment about my hair being so thin and short.

Every time I’ve seen her since December 2016, without fail, she has made a comment and I go visit roughly every 6 weeks. Comments include: ‘Your hairs looking really thin’, ‘it’s good you’ve cut your hair as it was looking so thin’, ‘you’re hair is so short! And thin!’, ‘being in the city has made your hair really thin’, ‘I can’t believe how thin your hair has gotten’, ‘your hair was so much thicker when you had extensions’, ‘I’m so used to you having extensions that your thin hair is a shock’ (Baring in mind I’ve not had extensions in 3 years!).

Aibu to get upset over this? I never say anything to her and just go along with it. But it does upset me and makes me very self conscious.

I would be upset, too. She doesn’t sound like a very nice friend to put you down like that. Maybe she is insecure?

Maybe laugh it off - ‘haha why are you so obsessed with my hair? You know I haven’t had extensions for years now’ etc. If she doesn’t get the hint I think you need to tell her that her comments make you feel insecure about your appearance, and if she persists even then then she’s not a great friend.

She sounds horrible.

Next time just look her dead in the eye and say: "whats the hair thing about? Why do you keep mentioning this? Is it designed to make me feel shit about myself?"

This is where you say something like please don't make comments about my appearance, stop it. And if it continues then feel free to gather your stuff and wave tata.

If this was my best friend, I’d be saying: “Oy best friend, give it a rest - you say this every time you see me and it gets on my tits. Now go and open the gin.”

And if that doesn’t work, as soon as you see her next get in there first and say: “Wow you look bloody awful today, are you ok?”

Hmm, either she hates your hair style and this is her way of ‘hinting’ you should rethink it.
Or she’s being deliberately nasty.
Or she’s super jealous of your hair.

I can’t decide. Ask her why she keeps bringing it up?

Maybe you should start focussing on her fine lines or droopy tits or (invent or choose a defect)

Next time you visit, make a cardboard sign in advance.

'YES, MY HAIR IS QUITE THIN.
I'M FINE WITH THAT.
LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE'

Visit happens:

F: 'Oh goodness your hair, did you realise how thin it is...'
You: 'Hurrah! It's only taken 45 minutes to mention it this time - a record. Hey, I made a sign this time...'
F:

Job done.

Not unreasonable at all, in fact it’s quite strange behaviour, I get someone might say when you first had them removed that you look a bit different with shorter hair but after a day or so they would have got used to it and not comment again as basically your appearance should not be on their radar to that extent. I suspect your “friend” might secretly enjoy making you feel insecure, do you suspect she may be envious of you at all?

Show her this

‘Your hairs looking really thin’,

"Shame I can't say the same about your figure".

Rudeness deserves rudeness.

Don't visit - next time she wants to arrange it tell her that you don't think your friendship is that strong anymore given that she feels the need to bitch about your hair EVERY TIME. See what she says to that.

"Shame I can't say the same about your figure".

This cracked me up. Sounds like something my mate would say. Hmm, Rach, is that you?

Get it in before her next time - when you meet up next say “Do you want to criticise my hair now - let’s get it over and done with for today then we can get on with a normal chat?”?

Gone

My name is close to Rach but it's not Rach

Say this:

I think you should stop focusing on my appearance and spend a bit more time thinking about your own.

Crucially, don't specify what you think she needs to work on. She will go nuts looking in the mirror trying to work out what you meant.

Or you can look intently (or glance a few times) at a single place on her hair or face and wait for her to say "what is it, what's wrong" before saying "err uhm mm nothing".

I do the second one to DH if he is being particularly annoying, drives him nuts thinking he's got a bugger or some dirt on his mush.

A more direct approach maybe?
How about " shut up about my hair. It's boring"

My mum did this about my weight... every time I saw her I was either too fat or too thin (with no correlation to how fat or thin I actually was).
Eventually I snapped and told her to stop going on about my weight, that she always comments and it's never in a good way. (either "you've put on a few pounds" or "are you not looking after yourself"?)
Now I'm apparently "sensitive about it"... so it hasn't really helped
At least now I'm planning a wedding she has something else to talk about... now I have picked a colour that won't suit bridesmaids (I haven't), my wedding date is inconvenient (so my brother, her son, could come), etc etc