Despite being happily married, and with my DH for past 11 years with a DD, I am really struggling as my teenage ex (we were together from 16-18) has recently been brought into my life (not directly), as its really shaken me.
He now lives in another city, and we've never had direct contact, not for at least 10 year anyway, but due to a mutual friend getting married - he's recently gone on a stag do with my DH and its really affected me.
Despite being very young, we had a very toxic relationship - lots of fighting, arguing, falling out.
He would constantly leave me, then a week or so later rekindle things, this went on for years - even 2 years after we broke up.
Aside from all the fighting I felt a very strong attraction, and love for him - he was my first love, definetley, and it took me years to get over him - now I wonder if I really have at all.
The thought of my DH being around him made me feel sick with worry, I don't know why. I feel like I want to know what he was thinking, whether it bothered him on any level, or not.
I also know I will see him at the upcoming wedding. This again makes me feel sick with worry and I think I would struggle to see him with his girlfriend, who is of course likely to be there.
I don't know if this is normal or abnormal to still feel something towards him, funnily whenever I have seen him face to face I dont think I feel anything 'unusual' but perhaps at a distance the feelings I had for him, and the impact he had on my life choices, seem greater.