to wonder wtf she was thinking?

[Louellah]

Sat on the train at a table seat next to another woman. I've had my head in my book so not noticed what she's been doing. I looked up for a split second and saw that she had just taken a photo of me on her forward facing camera on what I can only assume is snapchat (never used it). It looked like an app she was using and not her normal camera. She immediately saw that I had noticed and before I had time to say anything she had stood up and moved to a different carriage. AIBU to think that a) this is incredibly rude and to also wonder b) why on earth would she take a photo of ME? Do I look rough/good today? It's creeped me out a little and I'm annoyed I didn't grab her and ask her to remove it. I blame baby brain and my zombified/tired state!

3of5 I wasn’t talking about CCTV.

If you’re out in public, you are allowing the world to look at you. Of course unless you’re a celebrity most people aren’t interested, but sometimes they might be for a multitude of reasons.

There is no difference between me taking a photo of someone and sending it to a friend and that friend being with me to see whatever I wanted to mention. In both instances, the person photographed is seen.

If you don’t want to be seen, your only solution is to never go out again, which is of course ridiculous.

I don't want random strangers taking my picture. That's why its rude. If someone came up to me and asked to take a picture which has actually happened! I would say no . So I think it's rude to do it without permission and btw I'm not buying it was AN EXPRESSION.

Do you take this train regularly? Would there be a chance of seeing her again?

I've just googled box braids and they are beautiful and unusual, I bet she was taking a pic to show her mates. Still not on though to make it so obvious.. why did she use the front camera!?

When I was young I probably would have done the same, but been a lot more subtle!

Maybe she just thought you were striking and was taking your portrait? Incognito street pictures are pretty much as old as photography.

Vivian Maier is my favourite currently

www.vivianmaier.com/

There's still a difference from walking past a person and commenting on her lovely skirt to pulling out your phone and taking a picture that you have now saved on your phone. That you forward onto other people so you can carry on discussing this strangers skirt (or whatever). It's weird. And creepy.

You have no idea why she was taking a picture.

Maybe you look exactly like her friend.
Or she liked your top.
Or really wants a haircut like yours.
Or is writing a book and will base a character on who she imagines you are.

Or any one of a zillion reasons that are not negative.

I'm not saying she should have done it, it's rude and invasive to take pics without asking.

BUT - please don't assume it was for a bad reason and feel bad about it, that's just paranoia.

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue - just because you don’t understand why someone would be upset by having their photo taken, or why it is different to you walking past someone on the street, and commenting to your companion, clearly doesn’t mean that other people won’t be upset by you taking their picture and sharing it online, and can’t see a big difference between a passing comment to a friend, and a shared photo.

I assume that you wouldn’t use such a picture to mock the stranger whose photo you have snapped - but what if your friend isn’t as nice, and decides to share the picture onwards, mocking the subject of the picture? I have seen too many of these ‘candid camera’ shots being shared far and wide, with the subject being mocked for their size, fashion sense, choice of food etc etc, and that is why I would not be at all happy with someone doing this.

I think it is one of those things which clearly does upset some people, so even if you can’t see a problem with it, you shouldn’t do it without permission. If you really like someone’s skirt or hairdo, and ask if you can take a picture, that is fine - but sneaking a photo without asking risks causing someone upset.

Basically, anyone on this thread who thinks it I should not a problem, should now know that it does upset some people - so if they carry on doing it, then they are saying they don’t care if they upset someone - all that matters is their ‘right’ to take a picture. Does anyone want to be that sort of person?

Can I just add that if it was meant as a compliment then surely when the op spotted she had taken the pic she would have just said "oh I'm really sorry I just really like your top, hair, dress etc." but in stead she ran off to another carriage.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Absolutely everything in life has the potential to upset someone.

Should women not get pregnant anymore so anyone infertile doesn’t have to see them and get upset? Surely by knowingly getting pregnant, they know that it can upset some people, and so if they disregard this to get pregnant anyway, they are saying they don’t care if they upset someone. That all that matters is their ‘right’ to get pregnant. Does anyone want to be that sort of person?

Should anyone with the financial ability to do a big shop stop doing so in case it upsets homeless people? Surely by shopping they know they have the potential to upset those who cannot afford to shop, so if they do it anyway, they are saying they don’t care if they upset someone. That all that matters is their ‘right’ to buy food to eat. Does anyone want to be that sort of person?

Maybe we should all just sit in our houses and never leave lest we upset someone. Hang on... that might upset homeless people again... time for a rethink 🤔

Oh no, wait! That is a load of bollocks. Phew! Glad we’ve realised that.

one of the stewards looked exactly how I pictured a character in a book, so I snapped a pic and again shared with my friends because it was exciting.

Exciting?

Exciting?

MrsLupo Yup. It was like a beloved book character had come to life.

OP, if you are looking for a film to watch tonight, I'd avoid "Hostel".

You said it was a table seat. Did you sit right next to her when you could have sat opposite? Maybe to be forward facing? Not unreasonable, but she could have been thinking, ‘why did she sit right next to me when there are other seats?’

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue, there's a Woman who is always around a local shopping center, she looks like Madame Mim (Sword in the stone). She wears tweed capes with the same type skirts as MM underneath..

I hadn't seen her in a while, then got all excited because she got on my bus. I'll be sad when she isn't around anymore.

Birdsgottafly Yeah, it’s really nice when it feels like your beloved characters have come to life.

Ahhh the straw man argument, @WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue - nice try.

Of course any rational person could see that I wasn't suggesting that people stop doing anything that might upset someone else - just that they stop doing this thing that clearly does upset some people.

To turn your argument around - living indoors, buying food, having babies all have the potential to upset people, but we can't stop doing them - so we shouldn't stop doing anything that might upset someone. So mocking people for their weight, ethnicity, sexuality, social status - these are all fine, because trying not to upset people is "...a load of bollocks..."

If we all stopped having children, so that people who can't have children don't get upset, the human race will die out - probably not a good thing.

If people stop taking sneaky, candid pictures of other people, and posting them online, to gossip about them (possibly maliciously), what bad outcome could there be? None that I can see.

If someone took a picture of someone you love, who had suffered an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction, and posted it online with a nasty, mocking meme - are you saying you would be 100% OK with that? Really?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius But like all of those things, this doesn’t upset everyone. I would certainly be okay with someone taking my photo unawares because they like my clothes or I looked like someone they liked or knew.

I have already said it is unacceptable to do so simply to be malicious, but there are a multitude of reasons why people take photos of others; most of them are not malicious.

You are deliberately focusing on the malicious aspect here, which is not what the majority of candid photos are taken for.

If it isn’t for a malicious reason, why not ask?

I would be very upset if someone took my picture sneakily, and put it online so they could gossip about it, and judging by this thread, I am not the only one - maybe that means I can empathise more with the OP than you can - not because you are less empathetic or kind, but because you wouldn’t be bothered by it.

If friends post this sort of poking-fun-candid-pictures on FB, I do point out how unkind it seems to me, and how upset the person they are poking fun at might be. I was bullied all through my teenage years, to the point of being suicidal at 14, so maybe that is why this is a sore point for me.

I caught my work supervisor taking a photo of me on his phone a couple of years ago when I had just started in my role . Thought I was being paranoid and dismissed the suspicion, but then a few weeks later I happened to be sitting behind him at a training thing and saw him surreptitiously take a photo of the people sitting next to him on his row.... by that time it was too late to confront him about the pic of me so I never mentioned it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I don’t ask because I don’t need nor want to; I don’t need their permission. They are never going to see the photo (I don’t post them online, I just snapchat them) so it’s inconsequential to them.

I was also bullied throughout my teens, so you’re not alone there.

If you want to go around taking pictures of random people, then fine, carry on. However as has been shown on this thread then you ARE going to make SOME people feel uncomfortable and if you want to carry on regardless then people are going to think you are rude.

I don’t ask because I don’t need nor want to; I don’t need their permission. They are never going to see the photo (I don’t post them online, I just snapchat them) so it’s inconsequential to them.

How are the people you photograph supposed to know that though? Are they just meant to feel comfortable that neither you nor anyone you send the picture to would ever do that because you're such considerate people? Bizarre that anyone would think this was reasonable.

I caught a guy on a crowded tube taking a photo of my cleavage once. It was before snapchat.
I felt quite violated at the time.

Maybe she was using a clothes finder app, like the ASOS one, to see if she could find your outfit.