AIBU to ask for help with DD tantrums? Newborn related

[readysetcake]

DD is 2.8 and a wonderful, fun, loving child. But she’s always been wilful, independent, emotional and prone to tantrums. I thought I managed them well and she’d been much better in recent months.
However since I had DS 2 weeks ago her behaviour has deteriorated. I know this is to be expected and it’s a massive change for her. My heart breaks for her that she wants me and I have to see to her brother a lot as currently breastfeeding and he is a newborn! But her meltdowns are epic. She is so emotional and will fly off the handle at the smallest things. Example. Tonight I said we had no straws left when she asked for one. Cue massive tantrum, screaming hitting, sobbing. Won’t listen to anything.

I just don’t know what to do for the best? I’ve lost all confidence as a mother and I’m finding it hard to be around her which is making me feel awful. We were so close and I miss my girl. But I’m so tired and nothing I do helps. Do I just leave her to scream? Try and discipline the hitting or ignore her when she’s acting out?

Help me MN. Anyone that’s been through this have any tips? I don’t want to emotional scar her for life.

Oh bless you. The tantrums are so hard. 🙁
It certainly doesn't help when you're sleep deprived either!

There's a few things you can try but you kinda have to see what works for you and her.

With one of mine who has epic tantrums, most of the time I have to let her scream it out. Easier said than done. I do make sure she's in a safe space where possible and don't engage unless I have to. That seems to bring her out of it quicker than anything else. Pretty hard to endure when in public though. 😶

If the tantrum is because she's tired/overwrought then I normally cuddle her really tightly which helps to calm her.

Sometimes I use distraction to get her to snap out of it. E.g. 'oh wow. Did you see that? Pinkie pie just went splat on a cake!' Or whatever toy is handy...

As for the hitting/behaviour. I've not found it beneficial to try and sort the during the tantrum. I do address it afterwards though. Even as simple as saying 'I know you were cross but you mustn't hit mummy'.

Hugs to you. They stop eventually.

Answer honestly could she feel pushed out
is everyone still making a fuss of her. If they're not she's bound to be acting up. she's only a baby herself
Are you doing your best to include her and involve her.

Just wanted to send you some love. I've been there, don't think I have any great advice for you, being sleep deprived and dealing with a toddler is just so difficult. I'm sure you're doing a great job, lots of cuddles all round in between the tantrums.

Are you me?! Going through exactly the same thing at the moment with my DD who is the same age and also getting used to life with a new baby brother. I really sympathise. We are getting epic tantrums, particularly at bedtime and also lots of whining and clingy behaviour. It’s bloody hard work. I keep telling myself it’s all a phase... and keep eating shit loads of chocolate

There's some really great books about new baby etc. Make sure everyone is making a big fuss of her being a big sister. Spend as much 1:1 time as is possible. Things will get better

@dinodiva I’ve consumed my body weight in chocolate tonight! I knew I would!’t be the only one going through it. But feels like it when she’s screaming the place down. Feel like such a shit mother!

We’ve been including her and she’s had tonnes of attention from family and daddy over DH paternity leave. I’ve been doing bath and bed time to spend one on one with her. I know it will pass eventually I just wish I could make the transition easier for her

Thanks for the sympathy all