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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When someone says ‘I’m sorry you took it the wrong way’

18 replies

FatherMackenzie · 04/06/2018 16:39

Aibu to think that it really means they aren’t terribly sorry at all?

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Heroo · 04/06/2018 16:40

Yup. Not sorry at all.

SmashedMug · 04/06/2018 16:41

YANBU. Along with "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "I'm sorry IF I upset you".

katmarie · 04/06/2018 16:46

To me it implies that really you're in the wrong for taking it the wrong way. An apology should be "I'm sorry, I upset you,and I understand why that is. This is what I'm going to do to make it right..." If they're not sorry, they shouldn't apologise.

Roystonv · 04/06/2018 16:48

I have said things that have been taken the wrong way and there has genuinely been a misunderstanding. It happened when I was talking to my adult ds last week. It really depends on the circumstances; this was a case of me using a phrase he was not familiar with and taking it literally.

halfwitpicker · 04/06/2018 16:48

YANBU. It's turning he blame onto them.

My old boss used to do it all the time Hmm

Wolfiefan · 04/06/2018 16:49

It means they think you were over sensitive and you were in the wrong. Not them.

FatherMackenzie · 04/06/2018 16:49

If they're not sorry, they shouldn't apologise

This^^ is what I think. I’d rather they hadn’t bothered.

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TheKarateKitty · 04/06/2018 16:51

Nope, YANBU, you’re right. That goes as well for “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

mothie · 04/06/2018 16:53

What's a good comeback to someone who says that?

notacooldad · 04/06/2018 16:55

I kind of agree but sometimes there are genuine misunderstandings and offence has been took when there has been no intention or reason for offence to be taken.
There was something at work a few weeks ago and I can't remember the ins and outs but it was along the lines of someone telling another colleague something and the colleague flew off the handle. The rest of us were wondering what the problem was and the only thing the person could say was ' I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way'. The genuinely meant it. ( I know, it's like the vague news, but I can't remember at the moment what it was but we all knew there wan malice to what was being said at the time)

FatherMackenzie · 04/06/2018 17:45

If someone genuinely takes something the wrong way though, there’s no real need to preface “you took that the wrong way” with the disengenuous “I’m sorry”.

I mean, we’ve all been there, when you say something and, out of context, it sounds really offensive, when that wasn’t the intention. But I’d usually just explain it or say “oh sorry, that’s not at all what meant”. “YOU took it the wrong way” sounds a bit accusatory.

Fwiw, the person ‘apologising’ had made a ‘yuk’ face at something which was a bit hurtful in the context of the relationship and the rest of the conversation. I maybe was being over sensitive, but I was confronting someone over something minor after a long time feeling a bit pushed about by this person; not intentionally. They aren’t a bully or nasty, just very insensitive.

Like, (long story sorry) a few years back, they were smiling vacantly before quickly changing the subject because they had asked about a bracelet I was wearing, which led to me having to say it was a gift I found from my mum who had died recently and very suddenly; I’d found the bracelet wrapped up for me the day after she died, so yes it was a slightly sad story, but I hadn’t been boring on about my mum all night or anything. And I wasn’t about to break down in tears either, I was just explaining where it had come from as it is special to me.

My point being, it was maybe the proverbial straw, or else it was just they were being as insensitive as before and, being a bit older and wiser now, I’ve just decided to actually mention how hurtful they can be from now on, without them meaning to be I don’t think.

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FatherMackenzie · 04/06/2018 17:50

Oh yes and rolling their eyes when my dh mentioned that our holiday in my home country hadn’t been much of a holiday (because my mum had died suddenly). Little things, just a fair few of them.

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notacooldad · 04/06/2018 18:08

I guess context and the relationship you have to a person is everything!

MissionItsPossible · 04/06/2018 18:17

They sound absolutely horrible and insensitive

FatherMackenzie · 04/06/2018 18:40

Thanks. It’s like they don’t think I’m a real human being sometimes. Fortunately I don’t have to see them very much. It’s irksome how the only time I’ve confronted them about an insensitive comment, they’ve managed to make it out to be my problem 🤷‍♀️. They were all “take care of yourself” when they left, as if I must have some major issues to have mentioned anything Hmm.

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TheKarateKitty · 04/06/2018 18:46

From what you’ve described, that person seems like the type that knows they are being a shit and is surprised anyone would dare to confront them. They enjoy being rude. The type that makes a rude comment, then claims they were kidding and says you need to learn to take a joke.

Pecano · 04/06/2018 18:46

I think people who say things like this are very selfish and definitely try to make you think you are the one in the wrong because they don’t want to admit that they are.

Having said that, I have definitely said “I’m sorry if you thought I was being rude” to someone in the past because i genuinely didn’t think I was being rude!!

notacooldad · 04/06/2018 18:56

What you have mentioned doesn't sound nice at all!
That person is unpleasant towards you.

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