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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be unhappy my child's phone was confiscated?

487 replies

Phoneproblems · 04/06/2018 16:23

I have no issues with the phone itself being confiscated but apparently it is only to be returned on Friday - surely this cannot be right?

OP posts:
SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 13:39

Pengggwn What was she even doing with the phone switched on during class? I have no problems with them switching them on the moment they hit recess to make/receive calls and switch the phone back off as they walk into class. But the phones should surely be switched off during lessons. Surely? That would infuriate me, not so much because it was interrupting my lesson, but because the student was so entitled and had no respect for rules and authority. I'd make a point of making her hand the phone up the front to me every lesson if she can't be trusted.
I was in TAFE (community college just below uni) when mobiles started being a thing and I remember my Shorthand teacher having everyone switch of their phones and line them up on the carpet against the wall at the front, and pick them up on the way out. She started doing it specifically because a person in class was adamant she needed the phone on because her boyfriend had to pick her up/work calling about schedules, etc. All bullshit reasons. And if you know what shorthand dictation is like, you know you need to listen very carefully to the teacher, especially if she is giving you a pop shorthand speed test.

Wolfiefan · 05/06/2018 13:44

Obviously the phone was on because her social life and any messages or calls she may get are far more important than her education or that of the rest of the class.
Entitled much? Hmm
Thank fuck I don't teach any more. I think I would have a tank of piranhas at the front of the class. Your phone goes off? It's going in the tank. Feel free to retrieve it at the end of the lesson! Shock

Pengggwn · 05/06/2018 14:07

Well, the rule is that if I see a phone I confiscate it, but that rule is only enforced at my level. When I escalate it nobody does anything, so the students just say no. Their parents back them up.

Working on it.

aaeg22 · 05/06/2018 14:20

*All these children who NEED a phone at all times. All these disasters looming on the school journey. All the anxious parents who NEED to be able to convey serious messages to their children during the school day. All these sudden and life-altering changes of plans at pickup time.

How did any of us ever manage to get there and back in one piece?!*

You could also create fire rubbing two sicks together, go to the shops in a horse and cart and walk miles to collect water from the local stream. People managed to do that at one time. . Or you can just accept that we now live in a modern age and things are different, usually for the better.

I also managed before mobiles. But then my school was a 10 minute walk away. Unfortunately due to lack of school places children now have to travel much further on busier roads to get to school than I did in the 80's.

Pengggwn · 05/06/2018 14:30

aaeg22

But it isn't better. The stuff kids use their phones for now! There was a thread on here the other day where people were saying it's normal these days for 11 year olds to have free access to porn. Well, if that's meant to be 'better' I want a time machine to get back to the bad old days!

Teateaandmoretea · 05/06/2018 14:54

I don't think mobiles make life better just different. There are also ways that they make life less safe.

SpandexTutu · 05/06/2018 14:58

When my DC had their phone confiscated, they also got a bollocking at home for being badly behaved. They were not led to believe that the school rules should not apply to them.

karyatide · 05/06/2018 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 17:02

karyatide actually, you prove my points.

You said it was a GCSE thing so I presumed it was a test of some sort. I am not in the UK so I apologise if I misread that.

"the emergency plumber had to keep calling"
Which indicates you had your phone on during class, or else how would you know he 'kept calling'?

"Why the hell would a 16-year-old be living alone if they had parents or siblings?"
One would presume they'd be in foster care then? And hence not on their own? You're still a child at 16. Regardless, are you completely friendless?

"It's not realistic to expect single mothers or carers for profoundly disabled people to have to run to an office that may be in a different building every time an emergency comes up"
Actually, yes, it is. That is what the office is there for.

"easier just to keep a switched-off phone in their bag and simply quickly check it during breaks. "
I agree. But, by your own post, you said you were getting repeated calls. In class. And had to step out. So clearly you had it on in class.

I am very sorry about what happened to you but I really resent your rather patronising attitude that we are all middle class. I grew up poor (my father drank all his pays away) and had to move twice because we lost the house because of his drinking. The area I grew up in was referred to as the slums. The schools were all under-performing academically and it was a real rough, violent area. The school, suffice it to say, was poorly resourced. Yet we didn't know what we went without of, because we didn't know. And educational policies were standard protocol regardless if the school was poor, middle or rich. The protocol did not differ because it all came under the umbrella of the State Government Department of Education. Just because a school has policies, rules and procedures, DOES NOT make it 'middle class'.

SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 17:10

I forgot this: "They didn't cope. In those days underprivileged kids (teen mothers, disabled kids, homeless kids, carers) really struggled to get any access to education at all and many of them were forced to drop out of school entirely."

Maybe it is a UK thing then, because I knew many teen mothers (my area had the highest level of teen mums - as well as highest unemployment, highest violence, highest break-ins, second-highest rapes, etc etc Lets just say you were playing roulette every time you left your home) and they attended school no worries. No problems, and no mobiles back then. Same as disabled - kids in wheelchairs, etc. I am struggling to understand why you think a disability would prevent a child from attending school? I have never heard that one before. Homeless kids? I don't think any children would be allowed to be homeless, so I don't understand your point. If you are below a certain age, you are automatically placed in foster care. And it would be illegal for a child to be a carer, or under 18 I think. So that wouldn't even be an issue. To be honest, I think you are embellishing/over-exaggerating the difficulties for these groups without mobiles. Either that, or the UK is truly a 3rd world country and I do not believe it is.

perfectstorm · 05/06/2018 17:32

Same as disabled - kids in wheelchairs, etc. I am struggling to understand why you think a disability would prevent a child from attending school? I have never heard that one before.

You don't have to be in a wheelchair to be disabled. Many, many kids with disabilities can't attend school. The home ed groups are full of them. Many kids with autism can't cope with school.

It is not illegal for a child to be a carer. It's a horrible thing, but not uncommon.

A teen mother needs support from someone to attend school - if her parents won't offer childcare, or the father, then what is she going to do?

I think you are naive.

karyatide · 05/06/2018 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

karyatide · 05/06/2018 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annette69 · 05/06/2018 17:51

My son (12) had his phone confiscated for 5 days as he was using it in school. He lost it on a Thursday which meant it was over the weekend and got it back Tuesday. No problem as far as I’m concerned, this is the rule and he will learn.

karyatide · 05/06/2018 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roomba · 05/06/2018 18:03

Indeed, you must be in a bubble if you have literally never encountered the concept of children being homeless or unable to attend school (mainstream as unsuitable, special school as no funding/places) through disability. There are tens of thousands of homeless kids in the UK today! Someone do please write to Teresa May and inform her that this is 'not allowed'! And there's thousands of Young Carers, who do all kinds of things for their parents that most people wouldn't wish to be doing for another adult let alone their parent.

SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 18:07

Clearly the UK is nothing like Australia then, if all that goes on. Sounds abhorrent and would be illegal in my country. It just....would not happen. So before calling me naive, maybe consider that I repeatedly said I wasn't it the UK so was coming from a different perspective. It sounds very backward there and quite uncivilised if all that is allowed to happen. You cannot be a carer at that age, in Australia. It is actually illegal. And children that age would be taken into foster care. They would not be homeless. That is not allowable. Punchups in the middle of the classroom, no one notices? If that happened in Australia and the school let it happen, it would be all over the news programmes, the Principal would be hauled up before the District Director of Education, and the Principal/staff sacked.

Sounds to me like the UK is very primitive and without law and order or rules or any protocol, whatsoever. And I used to think the UK was better than Australia.

Wow..... :O Confused Real shock, to me to read that. So it seems you're worse than America. Sans guns.

Strongmummy · 05/06/2018 18:08

No idea why you wouldn’t support the school on this. Your child can go without her phone for a few days and it shows your daughter that you have respect for the school and its policies and she should comply

parentin · 05/06/2018 18:10

No legally they cannot once you have requested it to be returned at the end of the school day. However if she was using it during break and not in lesson why did a teacher find it nessacary to remove it from the child. We all go on our phone's during our breaks after school, work. college.

SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 18:10

Do they have such a thing as foster care in the UK?

dorisdog · 05/06/2018 18:11

This thread is illuminating. My DDs school let's them use their phones in class to look stuff up, and even listen to music if they're working alone on projects. I'm not saying either way is right or wrong, but I had no idea there were such differences.

SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 18:12

Never mind. Sorry to the OP from taking the thread into another direction.

SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 18:13

*for I meant. For taking the thread into another direction.

perfectstorm · 05/06/2018 18:14

Although estimating the homeless population is difficult, about 1.4 million students in the U.S. were homeless at the start of the 2013-14 school year. Children not enrolled in school, although their numbers are less easily measured, push the total number of homeless children and youth significantly higher.

[[http://www.caregiving.org/data/youngcaregivers.pdf Prevalence of Child Caregivers in the USA
• Nationwide, there are approximately 1.3 to 1.4 million child caregivers who are between the ages of 8 and 18. This number is more than the total of students in grades 3-12 in New York City, Chicago, and the District of Columbia.
• Of the 28.4 million households that have a child 8 to 18 years of age living there, 3.2%, or 906,000 households, include a child caregiver.]]

It's difficult to know how many parents with disabled children homeschool for that reason in the States, because home schooling is pursued as an active choice by perhaps a larger group, so it's less obvious. Over here, it's blatant that the system is failing, and there have been a lot of news articles discussing the fact. Perhaps it's an unusual area, and you spend more money than we do on disabled children in mainstream education. I can't say. But I am sceptical, as overall your state provision does not seem, um, generous.

SalemBlackCat · 05/06/2018 18:16

I'm in Australia. Not America.