Family Event, AIBU?

[namechangedranter]

Name changed for this, just in case.

We have a family event coming up for our DD. AIBU to assume her immediate family would at least make some sort of effort to come?

Her grandad won’t attend (FIL), demanding we un-invite great grandma (his exW’s DM) as his new wife doesn’t want anything to do with her, even though they haven't met each other before.

We have refused to do so, Grandma has already been invited and we would like her there too. DH told him he'd be disappointed if he doesn’t make the effort to come, and cannot act civil for the afternoon for the sake of his only grandchild.

He is saying it is our fault he won’t be there then, and that we are over reacting being upset he won’t make the effort, he doesn't see it that important that he comes, even though all other family members will be there.

For background, DH was brought up by his dad, his DM left when he was young, she isn’t on the scene at all, but his grandma has always played a big role in his upbringing, she helped out a lot. There has never been any issues between FIL and grandma before.

We would consider this an important event, and it is a shame he is going to miss out.

AIBU to be disappointed in the lack of effort and to have expected better?

If his new wife is that insecure, that is on her.
She just came on the scene and does not get to dictate who comes and who goes.
If you give in to this, where does it end. She will always feel that she can dictate who attends functions.
Tell them you will be happy to see them, but the guest list will not change.

Do not even think about negotiating, that will show your weakness. Stand firm and enjoy the day.

Your fil is letting his new wife tell him what to do.
He should attend and leave her at home if she can't behave like a grown up.
You are not bu.
If he chooses not to attend them it's his own fault when he misses out.
Don't let him make this your problem,it's his.
Have a lovely day celebrating

Thank you both for your replies
I think it's just more frustrating that he can't see where we are coming from.
There is no way he would attend with out her, so we have to accept that he won't be there, and he'll miss out.