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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too lazy to help friend

31 replies

DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 12:25

I know AIBU but...

My mate is having a party. She has a standard sized fridge. Shes making buffet food for all the guests and has asked if she can borrow the old fridge i have in my garage to store more food.

Of course she can and of course i will help but AIBU to just think....why!!!!!!!

Her mum lives 5 minutes down the road in a converted farmhouse (so think massive kitchen with extra fridge) and will also be attending the party - can she not just ask her mum to store food and bring it over?
Or just do a BBQ?
Or just reorganise her fridge so all the stuff can just go in the one?

Im just feeling lazy because we live in am apartment so garage is in the basement, with only one key to access garage. So DP will have to take car out then give me keys before he goes to work, then will have to load fridge with her into some type of van i assume, be around for when dp gets back to open garage for him, and then do it all over again when she wants to return it.

I know im just being whiny but....well i wanted to whine.

OP posts:
pippistrelle · 04/06/2018 12:35

You're not lazy. Look at the organisation required. Why, you'd practically need to get a consultant involved...

www.diydoctor.org.uk/projects/moving-a-fridge-or-freezer.htm

Cathena · 04/06/2018 12:39

Tell her you started moving it then heard a weird noise, so you plugged it in and it's dead....then suggest her mother.

I'm lazy about this kind of stuff too OP Blush

Maybe volunteer to help carry food over from the mums house to make up for it!

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 12:39

@pippistrelle
Urgh! She's so annnnnnoying!

OP posts:
Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 12:41

@Cathena
On top of being lazy im also the type of person who only ever asks for help if theres literally no alternative, so like i would have definitely done ask mum/do bbq/have a potluck rather than fuck around asking a mate for a skanky fridge!

OP posts:
funmummy48 · 04/06/2018 12:45

We bought a second hand one when I'm a similar situation. It's become the wine fridge 😁 and lives in the garage!

gandalf456 · 04/06/2018 12:45

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't be a problem if she weren't expecting you to organise delivery and pick up. That should be her job

gandalf456 · 04/06/2018 12:46

Or maybe you could just store the food in the fridge where it is without moving it?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 04/06/2018 12:47

Why on earth can't she just put the food in the fridge while it's in your garage

KurriKurri · 04/06/2018 12:48

I get irritated with requests like that when someone could have been asked for whom it was much easier.
Someone asked me for a lift after a class we do together - it is totally out of my way, in fact I don;t even need to drive tot he activity it is walking distance from my home - they live on the other side of town. So i was chugging them back and forth, menaing I got home three quarters of an hour later than i should, Then I found out that someone wh lives in the next street to them had offered them a lift and they'd turned it down because they'd 'rather go with me' I mean WTF ? I had words and now they are going with the other person Grin

I think you should ask your friend why she isn't using her Mum's fridge - are you invited to the party ? Is there any room in your actual fridge (not the spare one) you could let her use and then take the food with you ?

TheIsland · 04/06/2018 12:49

I don’t think you’re lazy, but I think you’re probably judging her by your standards - annoyed that she is asking for help when you wouldn’t, which makes you remember all the times when you could have asked her but haven’t, or when you’ve had to work harder to sort something yourself.

kaytee87 · 04/06/2018 12:49

That is a bit annoying. Also I think fridges have to sit for a while after being moved before you can turn it on again

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 12:53

@KurriKurri
I did think about just letting her store it in my fridge but we live a 15 minute drive away and that would mean me arriving at the party ahead of time (when its an "arrive whenever you like" job so i was planning on going for 8, it starts at 5). So thats not an option.

No i will have to just help her with the fridge, shes coming to collect it herself so will also be helping to actually lift the fucjer in.

Its no big deal in the grand scheme of things but its just like ffs why not just work with what you've got!

OP posts:
Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 12:53

@TheIsland
Very true

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 04/06/2018 12:58

Could you tell her you have back ache and she will need to bring someone strong with her to lift the fridge? Might put her off.

WindsweptNotInteresting · 04/06/2018 12:59

Assuming she's wanting to store stuff ahead of time, why doesn't she just come to yours at 4.30 and pick the stuff up from your garage? Not so helpful if she wants to actually use the fridge during the party though...

MipMipMip · 04/06/2018 13:00

What happens to the food you currently have in the fridge? Is she aware she'll have to leave it (I think) 24 hours before switching it on? When it is eventually returned you'll have to do the same. It is a massive PITA.

Lacucuracha · 04/06/2018 13:01

I think it's an old, disused fridge, Mip.

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 13:02

@MipMipMip
Its not used atm just sitting there.

Just occured to me Im not sure theres even any electricity in the garage (no lights anyway) so i cant even hold her stuff in there.

Im going to suggest storing stuff in my actual fridge for her

OP posts:
WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/06/2018 13:08

What type of party is she having that needs this amount of chilled food? What’s wrong with a few chilled items, a few frozen ones heated up, and some ambient temperature things? She sounds a bit precious. Nobody goes to a party and then says ‘that was the best party ever because there was such an array of specifically refrigerated foods’

I’m with you though OP, in most cases I find it pretty rude to ask someone for a favour instead of be offered one. She could have asked on Facebook and seen if anyone actually did want to and was able to help.

But... to be fair, you could have declined. It was a request not a summons. You could easily have said ‘sorry that doesn’t work for me as I’m not arriving until later in the evening/you can’t just move a fridge it damages it and needs to settle/we only have one set of keys so won’t be able to get into the garage once DH has gone to work’ if you feel uncomfortable simply saying ‘no, that won’t be possible sorry!’.

FWIW I would go to the ends of the earth for my friends and do a lot for them, as they do/would for me, but we wouldn’t dream of putting someone out by asking them to do something like this, if she wants to host a party she can host a party without roping you into it for something unnecessary.

In the future perhaps have a think about your assertiveness skills and don’t agree to do stuff you don’t want to do!

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/06/2018 13:09

Im going to suggest storing stuff in my actual fridge for her

No!

Tell her you’ve realised about the electricity and you’re sorry. And that hopefully someone else who lives nearby can help.

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 13:13

@WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam
I know i know...im a pushover

Well she just texted asking again if it was ok to pick up the fridge and ive said: "what do you need to put in there?" and shes said extra drinks, salads, cakes and cured meats (WOW!).
So ive texted: "sure you can have the fridge, but im just thinking its a lot of hassle to collect it, get it in your house and plug it somewhere, plus apparently you need to have it plugged in for 24h before using. What about 2 or 3 ice boxes?"

Shes currently typing a reply....

OP posts:
WineAndTiramisu · 04/06/2018 13:21

I'd be tempted to reply "fine to pick fridge up, I've left the key in safe place as I'll be out"

Saves you any effort at all then... Grin

Original poster
DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 13:22

SWEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!
She replied saying actually ice boxes would be much more straightforward so shes doing that.

OP posts:
Ifonlyus · 04/06/2018 13:28

We've used a plug in cool box before in such situations. They don't cost much and are useful to have. I'd find it a hassle too. I have a friend like this who constantly puts out messages asking friends for favours or to borrow things that other people normally just go out and buy or manage to do the thing by themselves. There are some people who like to involve everyone in their lives and constantly ask for favours. In my friend's case, I think she's an insecure, needy person and testing people to see how much of a friend they are.

Next time say no. It's better to say no and risk someone being annoyed with you than to say yes and then be resentful. Life runs more smoothly for everyone if people only say yes to things they really want to help with (with the exceptions of illness or bereavement being involved)

GoldenHoops · 04/06/2018 13:34

Well I'm so lazy I would have asked everyone to bring their own packed lunch 😁

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