To feel pissed off my my kids?

[bitzy12]

2 dcs to my ex. One is autistic. Ex lives 2 hours away and sees them every other weekend - kids travel to see him.

Father's Day coming up. This is not the weekend he is supposed to see the dcs. But for the last few months, ex has said he will come and see the kids for the day on Father's Day. His girlfriend got him a driving experience for where we live and he has always said he would use it for Father's Day. He would pick the dcs up from me, go for a day out and then drop them back off. This has been planned for ages and the dcs also know about it. Because ex has not stopped banging on about it.

Now with Father's Day approaching, they are really excited about this day out.

However last week, ex split with his gf. He maintained that he would still come and even if not doing the driving experience, he would still come for the day and spend Father's Day with the kids. He told this to the kids.

Now I've just received a message off him

'Can't come on fathers day anymore'

Kids are going to be gutted. Especially ds who has autism. He needs his life to be 'planned' as such. He knows the date of Father's Day and that dad was going to pick him up between 10-10.30 and drop him off at 5. He isn't going to cope with the fact that this isn't happening.

Wish my ex could;

1. Actually understand our son and realise that letting him down like this is a massive thing for ds. Though it won't matter to him as he won't have to deal with the meltdowns, tears, anxiety and lashing out it will cause. But I will.
2. Not promise either of them anything for 4

months and then back out

1. Realise that both kids really do want to spend Father's Day with their dad!

Some reading this may think I'm over reacting but my son is literally counting down the days until Father's Day. He knows how many sleeps there is left. He has it written in his planner (that he has so he knows what he's doing and when, it's the only way he can cope)

I need a plan to think of how to make this easier on ds.

I just need a rant. I haven't replied to the ex as I don't even know what to put other than 'you're a massive dick'

Have you asked why? Poor kids.

What a massive cockwomble! I have two dcs with autism so can completely understand. What a selfish bastard.

I’d be tempted to text back “You know X has autism and events in his life need planning. He’s expecting you to come and you not coming will cause him a lot of upset. Both dc will be hugely disappointed. Please can you reconsider for the sake of the kids” whilst thinking what a massive selfish prick he is.

No I haven't replied yet :-( no doubt it will be because he can't afford it. Which is bollocks. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of his finances but I do know that he's 33 years old and still lives at home with mummy and daddy. And pays them next to nothing for his keep. And gets a salary of £30000 a year so......

The saddest part of all this is the dcs love him to absolute pieces. They want to spend the day with their dad. Such a shame that he can't see that.

I'm married now and they love their step dad but it's not the same. And ds will most likely not be nice to dh now as we will spend the day together when ds really just wants to be with his dad.

I've given up having a go at the ex about stuff now.
M

Could you call his parents and explain what he is doing and how this is affecting the children.
Maybe his parents have no idea he is being a dick to the children.
Just call and say, I really need to talk and I know that he is your son, but this is the situation, the children have being counting down to Father's Day and how they are upset at not being able to spend the day with their day.
On another note, not sure how the relationship wit the grandparents, but if the children could have one with them, that might help. I know its easy to say let bygones be bygones, but sometimes we as adults have to look beyond our grievances with people just to ensure that children have such a relationship.
Good luck.

correction:
with their Dad.
with

Yanbu how shit!
Our dd is autistic and ,like you say, you know what’s coming with the meltdowns and it’s you who has to deal with it, it sucks, you have my sympathy.
He said he would come regardless of the driving experience so what’s changed? He’s being unfair to the children

Could you call his parents and explain
what he is doing and how this is affecting the children.

Eh? The OP hasn’t even mentioned his parents. We don’t even know if she is in touch with them? Even if she is, What have they got to do with anything?

He’s a grown man. He sounds like a dick, but you can’t bully him into doing stuff by getting his mum to shout at him!

I’d send the text KateGrey has suggested.

I could easily contact his parents but I don't see what that would achieve. Me and ex are both adults at the end of the day so running to his mum and dad would be childish on my part.

I haven't said anything yet. I'm just so angry at him.

On a another note, ds school has sent me an email regarding a big meeting (ehcp review for those with children with additional needs) and asked if ds dad can fill a form out about how he feels ds is doing at school and what goals he has for next year. It did make me chuckle as he has nothing to do with ds's autism. Never even asks how hes doing.

Cannot stand the ex today. Twat.

Let him tell the kids.

Oh yes. Absolutely he should tell the kids.
How broke would you have to be not to spend Father's Day with the kids he has promised to see.
OP. I think you summed it up "twat" thank goodness your kids have you.

Thanks to everyone for the advice.

I agree with letting him tell them. Will see how it goes, I'm just not in the mood to deal with him at all. I'll send him a message later to say he needs to tell them he's no longer coming and in future he needs to not make plans with the dcs then let them down :-(