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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to stop spending!

30 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 11:45

Ice always used shopping to make myself feel better, but got myself into a huge Mrs because off it.
Im better these days, but have no savings etc because I feel the need to buy stuff.

My son has far more stuff than hee needs because I like tearing him but I feel like I'm compensating too - he head a lot of time inn hospital in the first two years.

We have a modest income topped up with benefits, I don't work as I look after my son, which means I have more time to spoil him.

I also don't want to raise raise an entitled spoilt child but I really struggle with the will power..

Any tips for a more frugal life?

OP posts:
garbagegirl · 04/06/2018 11:47

You are never going to fill that hole inside with stuff. Figure out why you do this and fix it so you can move forward, good luck

jay55 · 04/06/2018 11:51

Write down everything you spend.
Just seeing the amounts a day/week/month can give you a good shock when you think how much that is a year and that you could have had a holiday, better savings etc instead.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 12:09

I agree garbage, even reading your comment makes me sad but I don't know what the hole is.

I was thinking something similar jay, along with only using cash so it feels like im spending it?

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/06/2018 12:12

Find work, it will occupy your time and give you a purpose other than shopping.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 13:07

In 2 hours a day including travel time?

I know people talk about these amazing businesses they're set up on one hour a day but I wouldn't know what or where to start?

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 04/06/2018 13:26

I'm naturally very impulsive and had a spending problem in the past but what eventually worked for me was to start only having a small amount of money (literally sometimes just a fiver) in my current account at a time - forces me to plan exactly what I'm spending it on and means I can't just pop into shops and drop £20 here and and £10 there. Going through all the security checks to log in in order to transfer between accounts means you have time to stop and think. Could that be an idea?

velourvoyageur · 04/06/2018 13:27

(Does mean you have to be on the ball re: direct debits though!)

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 13:31

Not sure velour, food in theory but benefits go in on different days 4 weekly, money of DH goes in monthly and bills out monthly so is always chaotic.
I did think just drawing it a weekly allowance and putting card somewhere?

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 04/06/2018 13:43

Hmm I see, that does sound complicated.
For me as soon as I get money into my current account I immediately transfer it to an account not linked to a card, but it doesn't have to be a big lump sum, you could also just withdraw a 'spare' £50 or £100 that would go on unneeded toys/clothes for DS and just make it that bit less accessible.
Weekly allowance also an idea!

Foslady · 04/06/2018 13:45

What I’ve started doing is two accounts books - one showing money’s goingbout of my current account, the other my spending - on everything.
I take out all the major bills off my monthly income (class four weekly as monthly) then work out how much this leaves me per day. This then has to cover all expenditures - food, petrol, School meals, one or two minor bills that come out mid month. That was I’m saving per day as well as spending which I can cope with!

Foslady · 04/06/2018 13:46

Tried it this month and have gone from every month having to transfer from rapidly depleting savings to being able to treat dd

TheStoic · 04/06/2018 13:49

Shopping can be a habit, and it can be broken like any other habit.

Pick a month (ie June!) and commit to only buying food and essentials (pharmacy, transport etc). You will start to get the same buzz from self-control that you currently get from indulging.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 13:50

Yeah I used to transfer "his" money straight out but now I spend it on him... I need to get a reminder on my phone to transfer it 4 weekly - that account has no card so needs to be bank transfer to swap it back and forth.

So if I draw out his cb and have that in one purse to buy his magazines etc, and my carers allowance in one purse to pay for my stuff.

Anything outside of that needs to be planned and thus thought out.

I have a Starbucks addiction card so I could put a tenner on that a week and have £50 cash. I suspect I "lose" bits on shopping etc so i never really know how I get through it but if I also start writing down spending for me and DS that should help.
I have birthday presents for June except Mum so that's something else I need to get tighter on. My birthday and Xmas list is huge!

OP posts:
OneStepSideways · 04/06/2018 14:05

Lots of people use shopping as a way of boosting their mood. It's addictive and feels good.

Have you explored other ways you can feel good eg exercise, a hobby?

I set myself a strict budget or I fritter money.

Have you a separate savings account so you can transfer a little bit each month?

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 15:04

I think OneStep I need to swap some money around so I can do this, have enough to cover bills in one, cash for weekly allowance in another, and so into savings account for me and DS

OP posts:
ThePencil · 04/06/2018 16:30

One of my friends was like this. What ended up helping was for her to withdraw a set amount of spending money each week, and deciding that at the end of the week she'd give whatever was left over to charity.

She said it really made her stop and think every time she wanted to buy something, and she'd often decide not to bother.

Remember that your child doesn't need lots of things - there are plenty of studies that show that children are easily overwhelmed by piles of stuff.

Would it help to think about the environmental impact of buying (and then throwing away) tons of stuff?

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 16:34

I'm saving it all for a future baby is my excuse to hoard it all in the garage...

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 16:36

But yeah, gonna try the cash thing this week. Ive drawn out his CB for him, my carers for me and what u need to theoretically save for birthday and Christmas presents for the rest of the year (so 20, 60, 30)

OP posts:
ToadOfSadness · 04/06/2018 16:40

I buy lots of stuff to fill a hole, I know what the reason is and I know why I do it. However, I look at it for a week or so, enjoy having it around, and then take it back for a refund unless I really want to keep it. It helps take my mind of other things.

If you really must shop maybe you could do that?

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 16:54

Teens to be stuff for the toddler so harder to do, but actually worrying a few days to give it him to see if I actually need to is a good idea. I've done it with odd stuff that I've then put into a present pile for birthday, christmas etc as I buy for a lot of kids his age

OP posts:
happypoobum · 04/06/2018 17:01

Would it help you to try and turn this spending "addiction" into a saving "addiction"?

So if you imagine yourself giving DS a big fat cheque on his 18th birthday with all the money you saved, would that help you to become spending savvy and quite frugal?

I used to overspend on things I didn't need, but as my DC got older I realised what a waste of money it was. I started saving money for them instead of buying more plastic tat stuff and so I got the satisfaction of doing something for them (which seems to be part of your motivation) but wasn't being wasteful.

Good luck.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 17:17

Yeah that's a good point happy.
We spent so many weeks at the start being told here might not make it and so long around his first birthday thinking he might not make it... I think I feel like I'm trying to make up for all the time in hospital and everything I once thought he'd never get, on top of my previous spending issues.

I like the idea of seeing how much of his piggy purse I can fill with the CB I draw out before transferring or into his money box (he gets all my coins with his birth year on straight to money box) as the actual physical transfer of cash I think will help

OP posts:
user1494670108 · 04/06/2018 17:21

You seem to be realising it but you do not need to withdraw his child benefit and spend it on him.
Save it and watch it grow to something reasonable, even a magazine should be a rare treat, he has you full time, he doesn't need more "stuff"

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2018 17:43

I was thinking a cash budget might on those days when I feel the need to buy, and seeing it physically mount up and then transferred to his savings every month might make it more real?

OP posts:
marjorie25 · 04/06/2018 18:06

Here is a question for you:

  1. Do you have a life happens fund?
2.. Do you have an emergency fund? If the answer is no to both those questions, then you are in serious trouble. You need to stop spending and start saving, because in a real emergency what will you do - get a loan from the bank? How will you repay it? You also need to differentiate between a "need" and a "want" both for you and your son. Here's a tip - ask your family and friends to only give you money for your son's birthday and Christmas. Open a bank account and deposit the money in there and promised yourself never to touch it. Leave that money until he is 18 and you would be amazed how much it increased over the years. That could pay for his driving lessons and first car. Buy your son one decent birthday/Christmas present and put all the names of those who gave money on the card, so that he can thank them. Bank the rest of the money in his account.