To wonder why...

[Unsurehere]

AIBU to wonder why I can have almost sole responsibly of my children, feed them, do all the housework related to children, help them with studying, take them to see friends, pick them up from friends, give them extra money now and then, listen to them when their sad...

... And their father can see them maybe three times a month, manage to pay maintenance on time and is seen as a ‘great dad’ by multiple people?!

Maybe you're seen as a great mum too?

I hear you!
My daughter's father used to see her once a week for only 6 hours, paid only £30 a week maintenance and never had her overnight, never went to parents evening, never takes her to her activities or clubs, helps with homework etc etc used to be seen as a good Dad as he paid for her and saw her once a week!!
He doesn't see her at all now or pay for her at all.
The bar is set so low for non resident fathers.

Has someone suggested you're not a great Mum?

It's crazy, right? My DH gets people oohing and aaahing when he does stuff with the kids, carries the baby or changes a nappy. People make comments about how nice he is 'babysitting' the kids. All of which is met with a blank, confused stare from him. He laughs and tells them he doesn't babysit our children, they're his kids.
I'm a SAHM and DH works shifts but he knows just as much as me when it comes to the children's schedules, school and shoe sizes for example. He even knows what foods they like (though I'm the chef here. He would struggle boiling an egg!)

It's a social concept that we are slowly moving away from. Fathers who provide financially but have never changed a nappy are now mostly a thing of the past.
We'll get there one day. It'll take time to shake off the idea that men aren't expected to do daily parenting.

Do you judge everything you according to what he's done?

Because he does more than some dads i suppose.

I'm sure people say you're a wonderful mum too, but I understand on some level.

DH took DD to the park on his own a few weeks ago as I was working and a slightly older lady with her grandkids said how wonderful it was to see him 'bonding with his daughter'.

He was confused and asked why was it wonderful, as surely it's just something a good parent does?

I can't say anybody has ever approached me at the park, nor have they said how wonderful it was to see me spending time with my child.

Because much is expected of you, and you meet those expectations.

The bare minimum is expected of him, so he exceeds expectations.

Sad, isn’t it? For women AND men.

@Littletinyraindrops

Don't you worry about him crossing the road?

He was confused because someone said it was nice to see him out with his daughter?

Why does something need to be abnormal to be nice?

Does he exist or is this a hypothetical person who you imagine likes to make strange points to old women because he's a feminist?

Let me guess - does he publicise his minimal efforts on facebook for everyone to congratulate him on while you just get on with it coz that's what you do?

This is a gender thing, I'm so sick of people (mainly women) telling me I'm so lucky DH loads the dishwasher, knows how to do laundry, 'helps me with the housework' 😡😡😡. We both work full time and I earn more than him, he's got a penis not a brain injury, he's more than capable of household tasks. The latter part of that sentence is my favourite response to these 'compliments'.

Tenaciousd - Erm, sure.

Who pissed on your chips?

@Littletinyraindrops

No one. I'm genuinely interested how someone you trust with your child could be confused by that comment.

@tenaciousD

He was confused about the whole point in saying it, as in what's the point, why is it good for her to see? She didn't answer his follow up questions.

He functions just fine in day-to-day life. It's all good, thanks for any concern.

Tenacious - Seriously? GF, or what.