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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my friend that most people in dating sites are looking for sex?

29 replies

DrowningEveryDay · 03/06/2018 23:06

She's been having a bad luck on POF and she asked for my honest opinion.

Now she's saying she disagrees with my opinion but opts to focus on the positive.

I'm not being negative, I thought I was being realistic. I did not say that there's noone in dating sites who want more than sex, it's just most of them want sex.

OP posts:
theycallmebabydriver · 03/06/2018 23:09

Depends on the site. You're not wrong about plenty of fish though

19lottie82 · 03/06/2018 23:11

I’ve never used them, but apparently you get a higher quality of “candidates” on the paid for sites. I.e. not plenty of fish or tinder

arethereanyleftatall · 03/06/2018 23:11

Yanbu, it's unbelievable that some people don't get this.

PolkaHots · 03/06/2018 23:16

What else would people be looking for?

AlecTrevelyan006 · 03/06/2018 23:26

I guess if you're on a dating site then you are looking for either
a) sex and no relationship, or
b) a relationship and sex

so, either way, you're looking for sex.

FASH84 · 03/06/2018 23:29

POF is notorious , another site would be better for her

Butterflykissess · 03/06/2018 23:40

Ofcours e. My ex told me he used pof for easy sex . Heard tinders even worse. You just have to pop over to the relationships board. Seem very common to meet a man sleep with him then be ghosted immediately aftr.

Boulshired · 03/06/2018 23:42

I would think most sites there is at some point the idea sex is going to be expected or they move on. Otherwise it just friends, even before dating sites it was difficult to know in dating the person intention if they just wanted sex or wanted a relationship.

welshmist · 03/06/2018 23:45

I have been to a few weddings where the bride and groom met on dating sites, so hesitate to agree with the OP. You just have to be patient and try not to kiss a lot of frogs.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/06/2018 23:46

Pof, Grinder, Tinder, etc are all hook up sites mostly, so your not really going to find your forever one. My friend is finding the same thing on Pof, the quality of men are utter crap.

Lazypuppy · 03/06/2018 23:49

I disagree i met my partner on POF. You can say what you are looking for (like long term relationship) and ignore anyone who messages you who hasn't said the same

Original poster
DrowningEveryDay · 03/06/2018 23:51

Well I did not say that EVERYONE in dating sites are merely looking for sex. I said MOST. Her experience even reflects my opinion.

Of course there will be some people who are looking for more than sex.

OP posts:
Butterflykissess · 03/06/2018 23:51

My ex puts long term relationship. He knows women aren't going to reply if he is honest about only wanting sex. People lie.

HildaZelda · 04/06/2018 00:13

POF is well known as a shagging site.

CornishMaid1 · 04/06/2018 00:17

POF and Tinder are more geared towards hook ups. That is the way with the free ones. Some couples do meet who want a relationship but they are few.

If she wants a relationship the pay sites are where you want to go. She would have better luck with eHarmony or match. If you pay you tend to be more serious about finding a partner.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/06/2018 07:35

I know that there are some exceptions, but most of them are after a shag. My friend has put that she wants meaningful long term relationship, not after just sex, and still gets idiots, dated 40 from Pof in the past couple of years, all idiots.

Bluelonerose · 04/06/2018 07:45

I'll go out on a limb here and say I met 3 people through pof who were lovely.

Both they and I said we wanted a relationship so we spoke online for a while before meeting.

Out of those 3
1 I dated for 6 months another I only met once but we didn't connect in person and the last one we went out couple times slept together once but we are actually fantastic friends and speak alot.

We've both said if we're single and not married by 50 well do it.

Those are my positive experiences.
Negative yes there were men who started with "want to fuck"Hmm and weren't interested in a relationship but you can block ignore or say no thanks.

Fwiw I no people who have paid for dating sites and they say that you do get people on there not just looking for sex. Hth.

firehousedog · 04/06/2018 07:48

There probably are some genuine on there but if you go down the line of only messaging the eye candy then you'll probably only end up with the players. And don't rush into meetings someone. Chat for a while first. Players get bored with the chat bit do you should be able to sift through the players.

FittonTower · 04/06/2018 07:55

Lots of people meet long term partner's through dating sites so obviously plenty of people are looking for more than that. I met my husband in a club, a lot of people there were looking for just sex too.

QueenOfMyWorld · 04/06/2018 08:01

I met dh on pof but that's probably a rarity

sexnotgender · 04/06/2018 08:03

I met my husband on POF, it was pretty easy to tell the chancers from the genuine though.

ShatnersWig · 04/06/2018 08:05

In my experience, YABU. Never had that when I was on POF. Also disagree with the poster about better class of candidates on paid sites - not in my experience or those of many of my friends.

People continually tell me Tinder is for hook ups, yet the vast majority of profiles tend to say "not looking for hook ups" or "not here for one night stands" or variations on that theme

user102938 · 04/06/2018 08:07

I met my OH on pof 1.5 years ago and he's amazing!..others haven't been though but we're off paid sites so I think you just need to be lucky

witchofzog · 04/06/2018 08:10

Yabu. Most of my friends met their long term partners through pof. 2 of those recently became single, went back on there and are now in second relationships with really lovely men.

There are lots of people on POF who want sex and many more seeking relationships. If you are in a committed relationship yourself you may possibly have come across as a bit smug which may be why she is annoyed at you

falang · 04/06/2018 08:14

Two people I know met their husbands on pof. It may be true that some people on there may be just looking for sex but it's not most people.