Bit of a back story going back a few years so please bear with me...
Got with my DH 15 years ago. I've always been aware I had endometriosis and was told I would have trouble conceiving. However none of our siblings had children and we were only young so no pressure or babies around. After 5 years his brother (BIL) got a new girlfriend, who got pregnant within a year. I was devastated. I tried to act happy for them but it tore me apart. Everyone fussed over her and it felt like she was taking the life I had built. To make it worse she showed no sensitivity towards me and actively appeared to flaunt her pregnancy. She had the baby and I, silently, dealt with it. She was then pregnant again within a year. She had her second DD and quickly announced a third. And thats when things started to unravel. I admit I didnt deal with it and hid from the situation. I did not mention the pregnancy to her and got upset at times at family events. She just made things so uncomfortable and would keep me away from the children and ignore me regularly. I tried to ignore this but she was just such a bitch. And, being the only babies, there were a lot of childrens events. Birthdays, christmas, christenings - everything revolved around them suddenly. 3 birthdays a year etc. I then got married and she refused to allow her DDs to be flower girls as she felt they were to young. It was clear to me she was keeping them away from me as much as possible. She also would goad me at family events by ignoring me and steering the children away from me. This upset me at times and caused a scene. I just felt so bullied.
Throughout the 5 years or so from first pregnancy to third she ramped up her bitchiness, ignoring me frequently and flaunting her children. During this time I had multiple miscarriages. She did the public things (flowers, gifts, "sorry" cards) but it still felt she was being a bitch whenever possible.
Also, After her third DD was born I had a bit of a meltdown and argued with her regarding her being so thoughtless and not caring about my endometriosis. This resulted in her informing me I was nothing to her girls or her and to fuck off basically. We havnt spoken since.
This was 10 years ago. Since then I have had two DC of my own, who have never met their cousins. The family is split in two and has to do 2 events for everything. I know it kills my MIL & FIL but they keep quiet. My DH hasnt been in the same room as his only brother for 10 years and I just feel so sad about it.
I can see I was out of order at times and am unsure if we should keep it NC or try to mend fences.
Also, FIL is in bad health so there will no doubt be a funeral in our near future. Their 3 DDs are old enough to attend and have no idea who we are. Im anxious and worried about how it will all play out.
HELP! AIBU to want to mend fences?